Answers please?

Question

Because of my ex I have trust issues. Now I like this new guy who is nothing like my ex which is obviously a good thing. However ever since my ex boyfriend cheated on me I dont let anyone in. I get really sarcastic around this guy and joke too much and I think I am slowly blowing my chance with him. How do I stop being like this? And this is not a question of my maturity. I wasnt like this before and its only when I'm around someone I like because I know then they could hurt me.

you guys are right, I need to give this guy a chance and if I get hurt, its another learning expierance

Answer 1

It IS a hard thing to do, moving on after a crappy relationship, that is.
I totally understand where you are coming from, and have been in the exact same place. It changes you sometimes, and usually not for the better.
You are emotionally scarred by your relationship with your ex and it is completely normal to have trust issues after something like that happens. The best thing you can do is make things right in yourself before moving on to another relationship. If you are still hanging on to that way of thinking you may not be ready to jump in a relationship yourself. On the other hand, some people never get over it and have to work around it (as I did). I waited almost two years after the nasty relationship and STILL had issues that I found I needed to resolve. I just kept reminding myself that "this guy IS NOT (insert ex's name)". I had to make myself trust him, even though he had done nothing to make me feel that I couldn't. I told myself that I would trust him as much as humanly possible until he gave me a reason not to do so. We are now married, and that moment has never happened. When he wanted to get serious we had a talk and he understood the whole trust thing (as best he could), but I never let it surface - it wasn't his fault that other guy was an @$$hole. Everyone has their own way of coping, and that was mine. There are tons of resources on the net and self-help books that might be beneficial. I hope you find an answer and way to deal with it that works for you, I know it is not the easiest thing to do.
I left you a link that you might find helpful (I know it's a golf site, but the article isn't about the game, lol) :
http://www.the-golfer.biz/article-3.htm
I wish you the best of luck in the future! :)

Answer 2

i know how you feel i cant let anyone else in either, its hard, but you have to try and forget about what happen between you and your ex (i know easier said than done) you cant move on and have a real chance with this guy if you are blaming him for all the bad things that happen in your past. its not his fault and i know you dont mean too, so what you need to do is be yourself, be strong be an indiviual, you can be yourself with out having to let someone completely in, keep that sheild so if someone tries to hurt you you can just shrug it off and say oh well there are plenty more out there and he wasnt worth it anyway.
its going to make you much stronger in the long run it just takes awhile to get that trust back and that is ok.
good luck

Answer 3

It is because you had been kicked around some that you adopted this attitude, a defensive posture full of sarcasm and fear and makes you more vulnerable to not only get hurt but to ruin a second chance to be treated right...it is not that you don't trust men,you don't trust yourself,you have lost confidence in yourself
and that makes you insecure...you must keep an open mind and have courage to move on,if you really like this guy you must built trust and look at the situation in different perspective,give him and yourself a chance,you are special and make sure he knows that,you must communicate with him carefully,you are strong,and you can be positive and optimist,you are an adult,so think like one,life is better when we have someone to love and that someone loves us back,give love a chance....good luck.

Answer 4

I used to be like that too. Then I just had to accept the fact that there are no guarantees someone won't hurt you. We are all human and make mistakes. That doesn't mean to let someone walk all over you or anything. But if he is a good guy chances are he will do all he can not to hurt you. But if he ever did mess up, or you could too, I think the operative word here is - forgiveness!

Answer 5

I know how you feel, after one guy or girl cheats on you it is very hard to open up to another person, it'll be hard trust someone again, but you like this guy and if he likes you to. I say give him a shot and hope for the best..The best way for you to get over trust issues is to give him a chance. Make sure you tell him soon because you don't want to blow your chance with him

Answer 6

not every guy is like your ex..some are loyal until you give them a reason to cheat..some guys are just cheaters and some guys need a reason to do so..the real question is are you trust worthy..did your ex cheat on you to get rid of you..or did you do something else..you have to take a chance on life and love is part of life..or else you will never have a real life at all..you take chance just driving to work or walking to school or just taking a shower ..you can slip and fall and crack your head and end up dead..life is too short ..just be care full that's all..good luck and give the guy a chance..you never know you might end up cheating on him..life is odd that way..and never say never..

Answer 7

Don't know whats important Bridget ~ ~ ~ I met a g/f as I called it but knew we'd be friends so don't blow it but don't let it go either I met her & I think we'd had fun with just going-out but with a group of ppl and should old boyfriend return things remain cool.
So don't worry & should something happen allow the law in an I hope family is their for you an that the guys stay clear

Answer 8

its okay to feel like that because when sumone hurts u, udon't wanna go through that again. If u really like this guy, go for it. U know, when u get to know poeple, u see how they REALLY are. so get 2 know him deeply 2 see if he's a charmer or a heartbreaker. But hey, todays valentines day so do something out of your norm and pursue that guy. Steal a heart as i say. Try to ct as if u never had a complication with your ex about trust. Hope i helped

Answer 9

This is the residue of your heartbreak.

First don't give anyone your body. God's design of saving that for marriage was correct. Put into my own words the more of yourself you have given the harder it is to recover.

Second you have a choice between either not having a relationship until after this symptom is gone or choosing to accept it as a part of the new you and letting it be a part of your new relationship. I suggest waiting for healing to be complete because obviously you don't like being like this with him. Explain openly your reasoning with him and he is likely to be cool with waiting. And if he is cool with waiting that too will help you heal and get past it.

Answer 10

HUNNY BUN, STOP AND TAKE A DEEP DEEP BREATH, now relax, not all men are out to hurt you and if you keep the behavior up you are going to only hurt yourself, and miss the true love of your life, you know sometimes you get hurt cause you are dealing with feelings and emotions, so hunny take a chance on being happy... call your friend and go out, and quit thinking about the one that hurt you.