ladies! would you break up with a guy if.....LONG SOTRY please be mature?

Question

you were together for 5 years
when I met my girlfriend now ex she was 19 and I was 24
first 3 years were great, we clicked like no other, I would make her laugh just by looking at her or touching her.... I could make her laugh so hard that she couldn't stop
I always loved her with all my heart, give her all the respect, kindness, kisses, and all the good stuff...I'm a hopeless romantic and a gentleman to the girls I like, respect and love
after 3 years I went into business of my own which is doing well but it keeps me away from home 7-10 sometimes 14 days at a time
but when I get back I can take as much time off as I desire 1-2 weeks no problem ..its not uncommon for me to be off 3months or more out of a year if you put it together
she works full time and goes to college 4 times a week so its not like she is lonely when I'm gone
if anyone is lonely its me....the time away i spend mostly by my self and I go visit customers but it only 1 person a day for about 30 min
I was so happy with her I didn't even look at other girls
but during the 4th year she started to be distant,not call or return call, always had different plans when i got back home and I didn't think nothing of it because I trusted her and she promised me she would never cheat on me because by doing that she would disrespect her self
besides she had her group of friends and I had mine....that was never an issue...actually we liked it like that
than one night she breaks up with me but comes back the same evening with big tears so I took her back because thats not what I wanted.....after that she promised if there ever is an issue she would come and talk to me
I'm very understanding and easy to compromise with, she promised she would never lie or push me away like that again
one year later same thing started to happen but worse, she would push me physically away when I was trying to snuggle up with her in bed, not call for a week, not call back at all, change plans 3-4 times a day so I finally confronted her and asked if everything is ok because I feel that something is wrong
she says that everything is fine and that she is sorry for pushing me away in bed but she was sleeping.
I asked her few more times during next few weeks and same story all over
than I finally couldn't take it anymore and made her tell me ( over the phone) what is going on
at teat time she asked for two weeks to figure out what she wants......fine I gave here that
two weeks past and I was ready to end this if she couldn't be honest again
so she calls me and her only excuse was that she was 19 when we met and now she is 24 and that I dont like her friends too much....yeah like she just loves my friends...but whatever
just like that its over....she ruined the whole image I had of her and the trust is gone...no wtha tI look back she wsnt that great and wasn't even as pretty as i always though she was.....I guess my pink goggles are of after 5 years
what do you make of this?

Answer 1

Pink goggles are where we start, and they do mask reality, but every relationship will move from that stage to one which is deeper and that requires communication, understanding, and acceptance. If it doesn't work out you can try again, but don't expect that pink thing to last forever.

Answer 2

The whole thing is she's not being honest. You're right about that. And I could sit here and speculate but you're question really has no point. I can't say if I would break up with you or not, the thing is she did and what do you intend to do now?

I would guess that she was seeing other guys during the time that she was being so vague with you. You were tolerant with her, you were easy to get along with, you were a man who was forgiving and she knew that she could behave as she pleased and more than likely, even if you did discover exactly what she was up to, you cared enough for her that you would take her back if things didn't go her way - BUT, they eventually did.

She stayed with you long enough for her to feel comfortable in the world and for her to go out on her own and date other men. I'm sorry but that's how I see it. I suspect she has some serious insecurities and she didn't want to just step out on her own, alone without you to fall back on. Now, whether she was technically unfaithful, I don't know and no one can say, but I think if she was in your bed that eventually, toward the end, she may also have been in someone else's. When she finally didn't need you any longer, she bailed.

No, I wouldn't have done things this way, but then I'm an adult and a woman. I don't string men along for my convenience, lie to them and make them think I'm being exclusive with them if I'm not, or lead them to believe we have a furure when the truth is I have a future with NO MAN.

So, it doesn't matter what I would have done. If you are looking for validation that she is rotten, then you have it. Yes, she's a dog, the female equalivelant of a player, and yes you could have, should have done better, but this is not time wasted for you.

Every relationship has its lessons. You will understand more the next time. You will know that a romantic relationship without much contact is a hard thing to maintain. You have learned that when a woman begins to pull away, in any form, it's not a good sign and should be confronted - immediately, well not THAT night maybe, but quite quickly. And you learned something about maturity and I think you might be aware too that she was quite young when you met her. She is not much more mature now, tho she is now wanting to experience much more than just you. I would say it's a good thing you didn't marry her.

Cut your losses, hurt for awhile, you earned that. But don't be bitter. And don't change. You sound like a good, decent, worthy type of guy. Get back out there. Love some more.

Answer 3

Okay ya'll were together for 5 years that is wonderful. So the relationship was great up to year 4 huh. One thing was didn't get to spend much quality time together. I can understand that but fact of small issue. She was not much of a talker about problems after the year. I would have to say that relationship started break with her mood swings. Now if she was not feeling it would last after 3 years should have ended it there.You treated her like a queen with respect and spoiling her. what special things did she ever do for you. Its something to think about now that the relationship is over. What could ya'll have done different. Why did she break up with you that way? Did you have a doubt in your that it could end this way? Next long lasting relationship like this comes around you will know better. Have to all problems and issue on the table or will ended just like that again. I think your ex-grilfriend lost something special in you. She will soon realize it one day soon. You will meet the right girl for you soon enough, who knows maybe she has been straiting you the face whole time. All I say is just dont let your heart grow cold cause one girl did you wrong after ya'll been through together.

Answer 4

It's quite simple both of you have changed and matured over the years, and are not the same people you were when you met. It's like the movie love story and it's all about "the way we were"!

That first great, sweet exhilarating,all consuming love, is so wonderful that you would think it would NEVER end and to a lucky
few it goes on a life time, but to the majority of us mere mortals,
we continue on to other relationships, some good some bad, but hopefully we learn from the exquisite joy and pain and grow into
the person we are becoming to meet that "special" person we have been searching for.

On this, I might add very appropriate day, I wish every traveler a
safe journey on the road to true love and happy valentine's day!!

Answer 5

My take on this is, yes, she was only 19 when you started dating and maybe she feels like she lost alot of her early adult years of having fun by being in a relationship. Also, it seems like you were together alot for the first 3 years, giving her most of your attention, and spoiling her. Then, after all of that, you start being gone more than you are there with her. She was probably feeling neglected and maybe even unwanted. Some people are not able to deal with that big of a change so suddenly. It is not your fault that she was unable to be happy for your sucess, and desire to have a good life. She was young, and used to being the center of attention. It is good that you are able to get over it and move on with your life. My suggestion though, don't bash her and make her out to be a horrible person. It happens, and she may not even understand why it happened. She just knows that things changed and she needed to find that happiness again.

Answer 6

It sounds to me as if she may have been feeling that she missed dating other guys before meeting her partner for life. She was too immature to handle your absences or to understand how hard it is on you. My husband is away a great deal of the time and I know that is harder for him. He goes back to a lonely hotel room every night and misses his family tremendously. I get that, but I am fortunate in that way.

Her friends probably added to the problem They were her support group when you were away. Having such a support group is essential to women in their lives and even more so when they feel the absence of their mates. Guys don't have the same sort of relationship with their buddies. Not liking her friends rejected a part of her life that she needs and is so very important. They could have influenced her decision in other ways by being lukewarm about you. They were probably too emotionally immature to give her good advice.

Emotional distance and pushing you away sexually may indicate that on some level she resented your absences. She may even know that this was illogical and pettish and this is why she apologized without a real explanation. She doesn't have the emotional maturity to deal with it.

It is natural for you to have hard feelings. I recognize it is difficult to deal with a breakup after such a long period of time. Try to move on by realizing it wasn't meant to be. You have learned a lot these five years about relationships. This will help your next one. You'll know what to be aware of the next time. Your ex will regret her decision at some point. When she starts seeing other guys, she'll realize the one she was already with was so much better but it'll be too late. You will have moved on.

Now that you're close to 30, you'll be dating women who have had some life and dating experiences. It'll go much better. I wish you all the best.

Answer 7

In all honesty I think this:
1. When she pushes you away emotionally - she's actually wishing that you were around more. I think that she's having a tough time showing you how much she cares for you because she's afraid of being hurt.

2. You are frequently away - therefore she feels as if it's not a serious relationship. She's cold towards you when you return home mainly because you come and go as you please and I think that she's having a tough time being in a long distance relationship. I don't doubt that she has feelings for you - I think she's having a tough time voicing her opinions on your work - and the fact that she wants you to be around more. She may not have much experience dealing with this type of arrangement. Therefore, she pushes you away and sticks to her friends for comfort and company.

3. Age shouldn't matter - but in this case her ability to cope with the relationship's arrangement might be questionable. She may not be as mature and able to deal with you gone all the time. At this point I don't believe that she takes you seriously - since you don't appear to invest enough time into building a solid relationship with her. You see her whenever you can and try to make up for loss time - she resents you for this.

4.She's having a battle within. She's laying in bed next to you trying to figure out why the hell she's still with you. When you try to get next to her - she pushes you away and at times holds you close.
5. Have you given her a reason to stick around?

6. Have you given her a reason to think that you are doing all this work to make a future for her?

7. Have you expressed to her the direction that you want this relationship to go in? Marriage?

8. Do you think she is mature enough to decide whether or not she wants to work with you towards a better relationship?

9. Do you think she sees you as a Sex Buddy - Good Friend - or Companion?

10. In all honesty, if you were in her position Do you think you treated her fairly?

Answer 8

You both grew ...but in different directions. It happens, especially when you both have different interests and you spend a significant amount of time away from each other. Ideally if you both really wanted it to work out you would have compromised sooner. She would have asked you to spend more time with her, that she felt that a distance was growing between you...and she would have fessed up to that instead of running away or pushing you away. You might have realized this and maybe cut back on your work schedule if you felt things were not going well.

coulda, woulda shoulda...you can speculate all you want about how things could have been done differently to salvage the relationship.

If it were me, I would just try and learn from the experience...as much as it sucks and hurts. Communication is key..but in order to do that, you have to want to do it...it sounds like maybe your relationship ran its course and it's time to move on

You're young, chances are you are going to fall in love again..take this experience and learn from it, ultimately the sum of all your experiences makes you who you are and will shape future relationships.

Good luck

Answer 9

It sounds to me like what I went through many years ago. I was 15 and he was 22. He was the 1st guy I ever dated. He was like you, great...sent flowers for special occasions. Picked me up and took me to school before he went to work each morning. We went out on the weekends, with the help of a friend of mine (my mom always thought she and I were just going out). My mom didn't know about him for a few months, but then I hated having to sneak around, so I had him come over and meet her. She fell right in with him and didn't have a problem with the age difference. He had been married before. We dated for about 3 years. He had been mentioning getting married. He finally got serious about it one day and I told him that I was to young to get married, plus I was 17 at that time and still in school. I told him lets wait until I was out of school. Then my senior year he brought up the marriage thing again and I told him no I wasn't ready. So he broke up with me. He wound up marrying a girl that was older than me and I had went to school with. They are now married and have 2 kids. Not sure if they are happy, lol.

I guess what I am trying to say is that when you are a woman and 18/19 yrs old it all seems great..... the attention, kisses, flowers, etc. But, somewhere in all that you realize you haven't even been out and dated and then you get scared. What if I marry this guy and I am not happy. I have not dated others, I do not know what it is like to get out and be single or date someone else. That is my feeling anyway. I still see my 1st love, and I get a soft hearted feeling about him. They say you will always have feelings for your 1st love. I am now married and have 2 kids. I have a great husband. Although, it runs through my mind when I run into him, what if? Would we have made it? Would I be happy? After, I broke up with him I stayed single for quite sometime. I enjoyed it. I did things with my friends and dated some other guys, although I didn't like any of them until I met my husband.

She is probably having the same type of feelings. If I were you I would try and date other people. Go out with your buddies and have fun. You will probably find that there are a lot of nice girls out there and meet your sould mate.

Good luck to you.....Happy Valentine's Day!!!!!

Answer 10

thats a story which should b turned into a movie, add in a few twists n everythin n ya got ya self a movie, ok seriously, btw the sounds of it, she grew up and realised u werent round all the time to suit her needs, of course u couldnt help it, but sumint like that does pull ppl apart, n i fink the first time she wlked out was an adrenilin rush which made her do it, and one it ran out she realised what she had done n went bk to ya, only problem is that adrenilin rush was the one thing that opened her feelings up to how she really felt, to b honest move on,
learn from this, if u want to b wiv sum1 they must understand the whole work situation first before the commitment starts,

Answer 11

Sounds like she is young.. Sorry not what you wanted to hear but girls are a pain in the a*s until about 28 i think. We go through so many changes and cannot control our emotions.. I am not trying to make an excuse for her but wait till she is 28-29 and thinks OMG i lost the best guy of my life.. Not much else you can do.. At least you are not putting up with it.. You sound like you have your head on your shoulders keep it up.. A good one will come along and respect you don't worry