What is wrong with my 5 year old?

Question

My oldest daughter is 5 (almost 6) and in kindergarten. We have two younger daughters and a baby due in May. Our house isn't always tranquil but we have a large family and it's always happy. Lately she has started lying about small petty stuff, she cheats at games with her sisters, she throws temper tantrums, she threw a brush at her dad, her entire attitude has done a 180 and I don't know what to do. She's the oldest so she gets to do little things that the younger ones don't get to do because I want her to feel like being the big sister is fun. It just seems like all of a sudden she's not my daughter anymore, any suggestions?

I appreciate everyone's input, some of it was hard to read, but could very well be what's going on. We try very hard to spend special time with each of our children, but with both of us working full-time and the three of them all going to different places, time is tight. We reward them when they're good at school, but it's easy to overlook when they clean their room by themselves or something like that because we expect that from them. I guess she is just like the rest of us, she needs to know she's done well even if it's what we think she should do. She does go to kindergarten all day and she is totally worn out at night, she goes to bed by 8 and is up by 6, so lack of sleep is a good possibility for the moodiness. We try not to make her take care of her sisters, she's not the mom and I tell her that daily when she tries to do things. I think she feels like I don't need her. I love all of my chidren, no matter what they do, I think I need to show her in a more effective way.

Answer 1

Sounds like you are doing the best you can to ensure she feels loved...but I don't think she is realizing it. Try to plan a date with her...just the two of you. Make it as simple as a Sunday Morning Mommy & Me Breakfast at her favorite local restaurant or try letting her dress up with you. I honestly believe that she is just overwhelmed with school and coming home to being the big sister! It is a lot for a lil girl to take. Keep your chin up...nothing is wrong with your little girl...she is just going through her own thing and it is important that you give her what she needs to get through it. Good Luck!

Answer 2

She's 5 years old, has two younger siblings and another on the way. That means you have basically had a child every year or two since she was born. That would be stressful on adults much less a small child. It sounds like she is stressed and acting out because of it. I would sit her down and talk to her and see if you can find out what is stressing her out. Hopefully you have laid the ground work for her to feel comfortable talking to you about her feelings. If not, then try a therapist that deals with small children. She is too young to have too many responsibilities so take it easy on her and don't expect too much from her in the way of helping with the 3 younger ones. Don't make her a junior mommy. Let her be a child. My 5 year old's life consists of playing and the only "chore" she has is cleaning her room or helping me fold towels. The oldest child always has it harder. They tend to be the guinea pig for new parents. Some of what you are describing is normal depending on the personality of the child, but to the extent you are describing, it is not normal. It could be it's nothing at home but at school, so now is the time to talk to her in a comfortable setting, perhaps over an icecream cone with you and her only. Good luck.

Answer 3

Just spend some quality time with her and let her know that the baby coming is a big event and that now she's older and you will need her help. She may be feeling that now she's older and doesn't get as much attention as the others.
It definitely is just a stage that she's going through, but the throwing things needs to be addressed. Put her in time out for things that serious. Rule of thumb: 1 to 1-1/2 minutes per year of age. When her time is up, make her take responsibility for what she has done and apologize. Get down on her level so that you can make eye contact with her. If the apology is not sincere, make her repeat it.
Children are very sensitive to changes in the family structure and environment. Since she has gone through the new baby thing two times already, she may be feeling anxious about further attention division. Assure her that just because she has two other sisters and another sibling on the way, that you love her just as much as ever (if not more!) and tell her you are proud of her for any accomplishments that she has made.
Most kids begin acting out as a way of getting attention and structure. They crave it and as weird as it sounds, when they aren't getting enough, they misbehave knowing that will get them attention of some kind.
Good Luck and congratulations on the upcoming new one!!!!

Answer 4

I also have a 5 year old daughter (she'll be 6 in April) and she the only child. She does the same thing!!! It didn't start with her until a couple month's after being in kindergarten. I really believe it is because when they get in school they learn from the other kids and they see kids lie at school and nothing happens so when they get home they do the same things to see how far they can get. What we have done with our daughter is every time I think she's lying about something that happened at school or with her friends I tell her I'm going to call the teacher and if she's lying she's going to be grounded. If she tells me she was lying then she gets 5 min in the corner for it. If she sticks to the story I really do call the teacher if she lied she gets one day with no toy's and all she gets to do is sit on her bed. So far its working pretty well. You just have to stick with it and let them know that your in charge and they have to respect that and not lie! Good luck with your daughter.

Answer 5

I dont have any children of my own but I still have experience. I come from a very large family and I am a teacher. It could be two things. She just began school and she might be lashing out at your family because of something she cant control at school. (bullying, hard time working in class,etc.). It's hard to control what happens at school but she know's she's free to express her feelings at home. Talk to her about her friends or teacher or school work. She might be seeing this stuff at school.
Another thing it could be is pressure to be more responsible to take care of her younger siblings. That can be a hard job and maybe she's realizing with another on the way, it will get harder. You need to sit down and speak with your daughter. Tell her what she has been doing, why its wrong, and what is going on with her that might be causing it. Be calm but firm. (Watch SuperNanny...she's got great tips.) Give her some time...it could just be temporary...give her some attention (but not when she misbehaves.)

Answer 6

I have read all the advice from other people and would like to add one more thing. I am the mother of three children (20, 19 and 14). Around the age of 5-7, children begin to think more logically and also to begin to evaluate THEMSELVES.

Your daughter is lying to you because it makes her feel better about herself and she thinks it will make you like/love her more...if she tells you the truth, then she will be seen by you as a BAD girl and then she will feel that she is BAD (and not lovable).

Let her know that you don't like her actions, but you still LOVE her.

Answer 7

does she go to kindergarden all day? She may be being worn out. Maybe try giving her more sleep? or maybe she is just looking for attention. With two younger siblings and one on the way, and with her gone all day and her sibling's home with mom all day she might feel left out. Maybe try spending one on one time with her. Take her for ice cream once a week and leave the others home. Hopefully this helps.

Answer 8

There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. 23 and 18 is only a small age difference. Even if he was a lot older, I wouldn't care.

Answer 9

My dear, what you are encountering is called.......being five!!!!
I have 9 year old twins, when they were 5, I thought I was never going to make it!!! She is just trying to test her limits and boundaries right now (which is very normal). Just be firm with her and let her know that her behavior is only going to have bad consiquences..... ALWAYS remember to reinforce the good behavior...... she will be fine.

Answer 10

Maybe some one on one time with you would help. Maybe she thinks the ones at home during the day with you while she is away at school are getting too much of your time?