My matron of honor is a wonderful person and has been a dear friend for years and years. The problem is this: our rehearsal dinner is at a black-tie ballroom. She's very large breasted (38DDD) and tends to wear tops that plunge so low that if she breathes too hard, everything will pop out (without a bra because she doesn't want the bra to 'show'). The ballroom/restaurant is high level business clientele and my MOH's usual 'dressy' outfits are a lot more fit to a strip club. I specified 'business formal' to her which means a nice dressy suit or sundress but I'm afraid she'll pick something that makes her look really trashy. I'm trying to think of a polite way to tell her to dress like a lady and I'm out of ideas. Please help!
2007-02-14 02:06:00 · 11 answers · asked by Kitten 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
She lives about an hour and a half frome me so I can't really take her shopping.
2007-02-14 02:42:24 · update #1
I'm not necessarily embarrassed by her, I love her dearly. She's a beautiful girl with low self-esteem and I don't want to shoot her down and say 'Hey, you dress like a skank, get it together!' but I want to give her the opportunity to learn that she can look good in something a bit more modest. The place we're having the rehearsal dinner is very high-class southern and I think it would do a lot of damage to her to hear people talk about her behind her back (in that nasty passive-agressive southern woman way) if she showed up in something inappropriate.
2007-02-14 03:07:57 · update #2
Oh my goodness, what a predicament.
My suggestion to you is to call her up (it may take 2 or 3 phonecalls to get your point across) and talk to her about the restaurant.
Tell her in a casual way, that you been there before and that is very high end. Tell her that you have seen people being turned away at the door because the didn;t meet their very strict attire code. Then she would probably ask why (if not keep on talking). tell her that plunging necklines, too tight , too short skirts are a big no no in such establishments. Also say that jacket and tie is requiered for the gents and sometimes the ladies are asked to wear a jacket if they are not dressed conservative enough.
On another phonecall tell her that your future MIL or your fiance's granma (or whomever you come up to) is a very right winged, old-fashioned, old-school, conservative, traditionalist, religious freak woman and that you are afraid if HER. tell her that you don;t want anything to happen at the RD that would embrass your guests because she is so hard headed and old fashioned. Tell you freind that is best to pick a conservative outfit for the ocasion to avoid her making any comments, Tell her that you will dress very conservative too as you want to impress your in-laws. Tell her that you will wear a conservative suit and that you would like her as the MOH to support her and do the same for that nightm, because it means a lot to you to have HER support you this way.
Next phone call tell her that you saw this beautiful turtleneck and thought of how beautiful would look on her, Ask her what is she going to wear, and then tellher if it;s appropiate or not based on the information you have given her before.
I hope this helps. Congratualtions and good luck
2007-02-14 03:20:45 · answer #1 · answered by Blunt 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm also one of the "lets go shopping for a rehearsal dress" people. Who cares if its 1 1/2 hours away, make a wedding party day out with the other bridesmaids and you!
You specified business formal. Do you know if she wears those outfits to work?
If you've got time before the dinner (as in its four months down the road or something), then send out a "reminder email" stating that the rehearsal is business formal, then put YOUR definition (or the places definition) "Just a reminder that the rehearsal dinner is business formal attire. Please jeans, tshirts, cutoffs, no low cut dresses or shorter than the knees skirts,. Thank you!"
2007-02-14 06:43:45 · answer #2 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An hour and a half isn't really that far away. Plus you could meet in the middle. Or wherever there are more shops. You could call her up and tell her that you want her to come help you pick out an outfit for yourself and that if she doesn't have one yet she could get hers too. I think it's better than risking her showing up in something inappropriate. And I understand how hard it is to tell your bridesmaids how you really feel without sounding like a b**** I've been going through some same situations. Everybody tells you to just tell her straight up but it's really not that simple. I say take the time and try to go shopping with her. Good Luck!
2007-02-14 02:55:24 · answer #3 · answered by Heather 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you have a gift for her, but you need to know what color she's wearing for the rehearsal dinner. Buy her a pashmina, and artfully drape it around her so that it hides her bust. Make sure some of the women know that it was expensive, and she'll get compliments all night long and won't take it off.
However, this advice is only good if you're concerned about her looking trashy for YOUR sake. If your main goal is to boost her self esteem...you can't. She's got to do it on her own.
2007-02-14 07:11:18 · answer #4 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Simply ask her what she's planning on wearing to the rehearsal dinner. Then tell her, hey, just FYI, the restaraunt is kinda stuffy, make sure the girls are covered up. Make sure you blame it on the restaurant and tell her you're telling everyone to make sure they dress modest. Ask her to wear a cardigan. Believe me, I'm having my wedding in a country club, and some of my family is kinda casual, so it's been pulling teeth to get the repeat offenders to clean it up. I just blame it on the club, and then it looks like I don't have a problem with it, and I'm warning everyone. With the right amount of tact, I'm sure you can pull it off. And really do try to go shopping with her, or have a cardigan on standby. Best of luck! And congratulations.
2007-02-14 03:19:50 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe just say that while you think she is a beutiful girl and you lover sense of style there will be some older folks at the rehersal dinner that may not view a lower cut dress or top as appropriate so out of respect for them you hope she will dress appropriately.
2007-02-14 04:13:37 · answer #6 · answered by Jessica S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you could try telling her that is it a black tie dinner and she needs an evening gown or something very classy and just let her know just want kinda of place you will be dinning at and there is a dress code if she ask if you picking about the way she dresses tell her know you are telling everyone about this that way she don't feel singled out good luck
2007-02-14 04:50:11 · answer #7 · answered by mjaynor 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call her up and politely tell her that the place has specifically asked you to make sure that your guests are dressed modestly since it is part of the image that they are trying to portray to everybody else. Tell her that you had asked them to elaborate on that, and they had said things like "no fitted clothes, halter tops or any tops that pose a risk of over-exposure and Jacket Jackson wardrobe malfunctions."
2007-02-14 02:54:26 · answer #8 · answered by baltimorestar 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
take her shopping and help her pick out an outfit ......perfect fun for both the bride and her Matron of Honor......
sure you can....make a day of it....an hour and a half isn't that far if you are truly concerned with what she is going to wear
2007-02-14 02:39:47 · answer #9 · answered by abc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call her up and chit-chat about the event. Say you're so excited to wear your dress. Then ask if she's thought about what she'll wear. Say, "Oh you look so nice in __________. I think you'd look great wearing it to the rehearsal." If she's already decided, say, "Oh really? I had pictured you wearing ________ because it looks so nice on you."
***** EDIT *****
I think we've all missed the point. WHY are you EMBARRASED by your Matron of Honor?
2007-02-14 02:50:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋