We were suppose to get married in April, now he says he can't get away until May. Because everyone took vacation spots at work for April. He said he wants to go visit a friend first. I feel like he is putting this off. But when I ask him if he is sure he wants to get married he says yes. He said he is a private person and wants to get married at the Justice of the Peace. Is this normal behavior or am I just paranoid.
2007-02-14 02:00:36 · 18 answers · asked by taken2007 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Very odd...If he told his work he was getting married, they would give him the time off...And whats up? Is his friend more important than you??? Something doesn't sound right here...
2007-02-14 02:15:58 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Some people tremble in fear when placed in the center of attention, which would explain the desire to not have a wedding. There isn't anything wrong with that, he just doesn't want a big ceremony. You will still be just as married as if you had a wedding ceremony.
As far as getting off in April is concerned, he could be telling the truth about the vacation time not being available. On the other hand, how long ago did you guys agree to be married in April? Because unless you decided just recently for an April wedding, he should have had plenty of time to put in for some time off.
Unless he's a procrastinator.
That would go hand in hand with the lack of desire to plan a wedding.
He undoubtedly wants to get married and to BE married, but the actual process of carrying it out may seem overwhelming to him, and he may want to just do it "the easy way", for lack of a more polite way to say get it over with. I mean that in a nice way.
Just keep in mind that he may treat other events that involve others the same way in the future, such as going to a movie, on a trip, or whatever.
2007-02-14 02:28:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man should feel genuinely happy about having a nice girl. If he feels like he's being pulled or pushed, he'll have his doubts. A man should walk into marriage by his own volition, otherwise you guys will probably end up being like the majority of couples in a year or so.
If you're doing the majority of the wedding details and he's not actively involved, then it sounds like the marriage is mostly for you. Women always get more excited about marriage than the guy. For her it's often a sense of security, for him he senses responsibility.
I would see if he really wants to take more of the responsibility for the wedding issues. If he doesn't he really has his doubts and I might hold off for now. Why the rush?
If I get married it will be because I want to be with her, not because I want to get married first. I want to hold her and give her my everything. Then comes marriage.
2007-02-14 02:16:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may be scared of commitment and although he knows it's "time" for you two to get married he is nervous about the whole idea. Putting it off and doing it at the Justice of the Peace makes him feel better because he is trying to convince himself it is not as big of a deal as he's making it in his head. If you love him and he loves you then give him the time he needs. If he's not ready for marriage you don't want to jump right into it and end up divorced. There is nothing wrong with waiting and make sure he knows that too.
2007-02-14 02:05:53 · answer #4 · answered by Love <3 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why can't you just wait a little longer? ENJOY your engagement.
He has a reasonable response for the delay due to work.
The visiting a friend is also reasonable, if he hasn't seen the friend in a long time.
Are you doing a wedding or a JOP?
But you both need to commit to a date and how the ceremony will be. COMPROMISE. If he wants a JOP and you want a huge ceremony... have a small ceremony with only immediate family members (parents and siblings and their kids).
2007-02-14 03:12:23 · answer #5 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where there's a will, there's a way. He's stalling. You need to sit down and talk it out. Tell him exactly how you feel and ask him why he can't make the commitment. Don't make excuses for him.
Everybody is taking their vacation in April? No way! And now he wants to visit a friend? WHy not ask you to go too? You guys need to communicate better.
2007-02-14 02:15:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My fiance went through the same thing. His answer was that he had stage fright and that he definitely wanted to get married but he would have been just as happy to go to a JOP. I think it's some male thing that if they have a huge wedding in front of all their friends and family, it feels like its a much bigger deal and they're very publically 'caught' in the marriage net. Don't worry, he'll come around.
2007-02-14 02:09:30 · answer #7 · answered by Kitten 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you should trust your instincts and really talk with him about this. In general, guys are not going to be as involved as the bride-to-be. Honestly, those reasons he gave to you sound like a bunch of horse hooey to me. Vacation spots at work?? Its a wedding for heaven's sake and that should have been handled as soon as you all settled on a date. He wants to visit a 'friend' first? Without you?? I really think you need to communicate with your fiance before you jump into this because all of that sounds quite shady to me.
2007-02-14 02:47:05 · answer #8 · answered by SupaDupaWoman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's putting it off for a reason, doll. You need to find out WHAT that reason is.
In his defense, men don't generally get "excited" about weddings like women do! However, the fact the he wants to visit a "friend" first, makes it sound like he wants one last chance to f around before he actually commits.
2007-02-14 02:09:06 · answer #9 · answered by startwinkle05 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
difference between men and women is that women play getting married as little girls while boys play cowboys and indians. we don't care about weddings. That's not what's real in a relationship. If he says he loves you and wants to get married, take that as your hint. Don't try to read his mind because you'll never do it properly.
2007-02-14 02:09:17 · answer #10 · answered by Nick C 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i guess you're just nervous. my fiance and i are getting married on october. im kinda worried about lotza stuff - he doesn't look excited and happy about our wedding, his parents doesn't care (they said that they're disappointed blah blah blah), he lets me handle all the stuff for our wedding, etc.. so i told him that id like to change the date and he said no. he said that he wants to get married this october and we dont have to move or change the date or whatsoever. i have been asking him what his problems are, he just tells me that he's not into those girly stuff. i told him that its not just MY wedding - its OUR wedding so he has to cooperate or do his part as my fiance.
im planning to talk to him again to straighten things up. im really worried right now. and i think you're also worried or nervous about your wedding. so i think we better talk to our soon-to-be husbands to get all things cleared.
goodluck!!
2007-02-14 03:10:22 · answer #11 · answered by Chelsea's Momi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋