If spanking is the "lazy way to parent" Why is it that it's my most time consuming/difficult consequence????

Question

to enforce.

I hear this a lot on these boards. For us, spanking is the most time consuming consequence I use. The whole process takes anywhere from a half hour, to an hour. The spanking it's self is very short, but the communication, before and after, make this consequence/punishment by far the most tedious. For example, if a spanking is given, they go to their room and wait for a few minutes, then we have a talk about why this is happening (5-10 min.). Next the spanking. Then we give them a while to calm down (10min.+-) After they are calm, we will spend at least 20 to 30 minutes having serious dialog/communication (not lecture, but back and forth communication) I have spent over an hour before just talking and listening after a spanking.

How is that LAZY!!!! Hard work if you ask me.

I find giving time outs, taking a toy away, or grounding to be more "lazy" then spanking. Not that I don't use those tactics too, I do, and they work for certain things.

I actually don't consider any enforcing consequences as "lazy" unless your not communicating with them as to why this consequence is being enforced.

I don't "hit" my children because they "piss me off" It's a consequence for misbehavior. For us it works!!

Lil' Suz - Just because a study or poll was taken doesn't make it proven. To me, proven results are generation after generation of successful parenting. That is what I would consider as "proven results". The latest research is suggesting parents not spank anymore, where back in the day, if you saw a child acting out of line, the parent wasn't afraid to enforce a consequence which included spanking. With all the looking down on spanking these days, and people reporting individuals who use it (which in NO state is spanking illegal) the common person is not using this parenting tool, which weakens their ability to successfully parent. Take a good look around, kids these days are way out of control. Sure people say they spank, but their not doing so because they believe in the method, and are not using spanking effetely enough to work, because modern day research tells them they are abusing their children, which is WRONG.

I don't put to much thought into studies on child rearing. They change everyday, why? Because their is no fixed way of raising children. Just because someone is a PHD in no way means they can raise a morally sound child into adulthood. Most studies and polls done on child rearing these days are usually biased to the researchers agenda.

Lol, ya SUFK, anyone is welcome to see my profile. I wish more parents follow my example. You and your cohorts, are who motivated this question. however you didn't answer the question. I think you know I am right. So now your going to go the sexual assault or pedophile rout, since I have just proved to you that spanking (the way we do it, is not lazy) lol, your too much. It's very unfortunate that someone would have to stoop down to your level. Next time, answer the question.


tosexy: We have gone back and fourth before, but you also didn't answer the question, where's your argument, that spanking is lazy? However I do appreciate you being mature in your argument against spanking in general. We just have different opinions.

Aw, toosexy: Lazy=unwilling to do any work or make an effort (this according to a dictionary) Doesn't mean not creative, maybe to you it does, that's fine. I also find it funny that you think that I spank my kids all the time, lol. My 7 year old got her first spanking in about 2 years the other day. I think it's great how you drum up your assumptions about our parenting. My girls don't do 95% of the things people are complaining that their children do, which means they don't get very many spankings. For them, that type of behavior is not a option. We (husband and I) set clear list of "core rules (major no-no)" in our home, so, that means if they break the rules 10 times in a day, yes they would have one sore tush. Since that has never happened, I am not worried about it. My children decide when or "if" they need a spanking, not me, I just enforce it. Everything is a choice in my home.

Also - Why does it seem that anti spanker's always attack someone who chooses to use this method. When answering questions, I recommend spanking, however, you won't see me answer to many questions if someone states, "I am at wits end, and spanking is not an option" Why? because spanking is my last resort, and it works!!!

toosexy, I have seen many a families who use alternative methods. I have seen the outcomes, and am not happy with the results. I am following proven methods, and I am seeing wonderful results.

If it's working for you, GREAT. I'll keep doing what works for me.

Answer 1

I completely agree with you. It is a lot of work to spank your child. I am going through some little stuff with my son and he's 6. I have tried taking priveledges away & stuff but that doesn't work. He is worried about getting a spanking and so he tries harder not to get in trouble so that he won't get one. I don't believe that people can go through raising a child and never have to slap their little hand or give them a spanking and them not be a horriffic child! Those parents who say that are often the ones who's children act like wild animals in public and the parents act like they don't see or hear it. Meanwhile, everyone else is staring at them because they don't know how to control their child.
Don't let anyone else tell you that you are handling it wrong. Every child is different and so their punishment needs to be handled accordingly.

Answer 2

Objective things exist. 1+1=2. No matter your perception, this statement remains true. Socially, there is a seemingly infinite number of opinions and views on everything. Some people don't like the idea that 1+1=2 and think we should all just accept when little kids answer math questions wrong (because it's right in their eyes). This doesn't change reality, it simply forms society. So, everything isn't a perception, but everything is subject to it.

Answer 3

It sounds to me that you're one of the few, maybe less than 1%, that actually put some effort into it, rather than just swatting them and sending them on their way. However, I would have to find fault with you saying that it's the most time consuming, because you should be doing everything that you do when you spank them when you take toys away or give them timeouts. Discipline should be less about the actual punishment associated with it, and more about making your child understand that what they did was wrong and why they shouldn't do it. When you give time outs or groundings or take things away from them, you should still be taking that time to talk to them before and after the actual punishment.

Still, if more parents handled spanking like you do, then I'd be less critical of parents who spank. However, the vast majority of parents that spank just do so as a stopgap measure out of frustration, with little learning involved.

Answer 4

This is a hard question to ask on this forum because it is such a hot topic and ensues very passionate responses. The way you explain it I think that you are entitled to discipline your children the way that works for you. Every single child is different, I was spanked as a child and so was my partner he and I choose NOT to spank our children. However it is just that a choice, I nor anyone else has the right to pass judgment seeing as you clearly are not being abusive. Yes I understand the argument people make when it comes to psychological effects and consequences in children, but it is case by case. There are some parents that lose control and "strike" their children out of frustration and anger, this is not right.

The only point in your post I disagree with is the last sentence

"I find giving time outs, taking a toy away, or grounding to be more "lazy" then spanking. Not that I don't use those tactics too, I do, and they work for certain things".

You make your case for your choice of discipline (spanking) and explain you reasoning to why you do not think it is lazy parenting. Then at the end you go on to say time outs, taking toys away and grounding to be more lazy. Some parents choose these tactics over spanking and that is their choice and what works for them.
If you don't want to be hit with judgmental stones, don't cast them.

Answer 5

sometimes spankings can lead to harsher beatings. I live on the theroy of "tough love". Therefore, time-outs are given and prizes are taken away. A child is going to cry and wale if harmed but, what does that solve? More spankings? Nowadays, 5, 10, 15 minutes in time-out doesn't work. What does work is taking there prized posessions away for a period of a day and being put to there room for a day(With food at mealtimes)seems to work.
Personally, I take tv"s and video games and personal visits such as going to friends houses, phone privilages and the sort. Soon, if it continues, days are added to punishment and more things are taken away. And the sooner the child knows what can happen when he/she does bad, the sooner you'll get the respect that you deserve. It's better to take away rather than beating away at the child. "Tough Love" is really what it's all about.

Answer 6

The question is why do people spank? The answer that anyone who spanks their children should know (I support spanking if the child is way out of line) is conditioning. Kids are not old enough to reason as adults. They're still forming intellectually. But they understand if they light matches in the guest room and get two shots on the buttinski, it was the lighting of the matches that did it. Disrespect your mother, slap on the butt. Using the "f" word, a firm wack on your hieney. It shouldn't be time consuming. If the kid steps out of line, don't overdo things. Enforce discipline with a smack or two and say "Don't do that". You're the authority figure and what you say is not up for debate. I'm not saying time outs are out but for the times when nothing else is effective, you've got to let your kid know who is the boss and what happens when they break the law. In the long run, they will respect you and definitely think twice before doing something that might land them on your bad side. Not to mention that will teach them some pretty hefty reasoning at an early stage.

Answer 7

If a kid did something wrong... why does it matter what method is lazy of being the parent. The parent didn't do anything, the child did. SOOOOO whats the point in even saying "spanking is the lazy way to parent." Honestly I don't believe in spanking nor grounding. I believe in making them do things they don't want to do. LIKE CLEAN, MAKE DINNER, MOW THE LAWN, CLEAN THE TOILET... lots of chores. TRUST me its not only a punishment , but it's also a learning experience , for when they get older.

Answer 8

I hear you 100% Anti spanker's think we just get angry and beat the hell out of our children. Like we enjoy it or something. When it comes down to spanking, I to have long talks afterwords. I find the whole thing to be quite productive when attempting to change unacceptable behavior. Don't get me wrong, i know many people who just lose it and in a fit of anger swat their child. That to me is wrong. If you don't have, like you said, "communication" with ANY punishment you use, it's likely you'll be punishing for the same thing again. We have to teach, and punish. Not just one or the other.


toosexy: the world doesn't work like yours either. Reread what she said, she says she uses all methods. This question is like a breath of fresh air, because people who chose not to spank, have no idea how much work spanking does take. That is if you do them right. I see huge differences between my kids, and others. I can't speak for anyone else, but I can count on one hand how many times I have shouted at my children. I don't do that. Just because someone spanks their children, doesn't mean they get pissed off, and kick their ***. Not in my house, a spanking is controlled.

Answer 9

I agree, plus what the person above me "lil suze" said in my opinion is WAY off base. It is not a "proven fact" that parents who spank grow to hit, that's nonsense. My husband was spanked quite often as a child, he has never been in a fight his whole life. He doesn't show the qualities those BS research reports suggest. Spanking is quite effective with mine, and no we don't worry about our future relationship will turn out. Every one who doesn't think spanking is right seems to think everyone who spanks is some mad drunken lunatic. Like you, when we spank, it takes a great deal of time. If that's lazy, then I am in BIG trouble.

Answer 10

Um...first off Spanking a child should not take that long because you are creating the whole fiasco. If your child is unruly, grab them, give them a womp on the tush, place them in a time out chair...and tell them "you are in time out!" Walk out of the room (cause they are going to carry on) and come back when they are calm enough to apologize for what they had done. The only important part about spanking is to ensure they know why they got it! Don't go sending them to their room, then spank, then sit and have a chat. You are the parent Not their friend! Don't mean to be harsh, but being a parent you have to learn a productive way to discipline.