I was with my bf for 7 1/2 years & we lived together. I just found out last month that he cheated on me - with someone from out of town (he said he was working, but was realy with her). When I found out he was cheating, I immediately turned off his cell (which was in my name), closed our joint acct & changed the locks. Well, on Jan. 26 - 27 we talked & he wanted to work it out - I wasn't sure about it. He said he loved me & wanted to work on it. So, I dropped him off at his parents' house where he's been staying & he said he'd work on a list of ways to fix this. He called on Jan. 29 & said he'd try me later. That was the last I heard. He hasn't called or e-mailed. His car & all his belongings are still at my house. I sent him a certified letter telling him he has until 2/22 to contact me about his stuff before I get rid of it & that he owes me money. I still haven't heard from him. What should I do? Is he just avoiding me so he doesn't have to pay me the $300 he owes me?
2007-02-14 01:31:26 · 30 answers · asked by Mikala M 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm 29 and he'll be 32 next week. Deep down I know that he doesn't care about me since he hasn't contacted me, but it's hard to understand how someone could spend 7 1/2 years with you and not care about what happens to you. I know, I need to move on and never look back.
2007-02-14 02:31:06 · update #1
sell the car and his things. settle it with a proper way with a lawyer.
2007-02-14 01:36:14 · answer #1 · answered by Cant stop thinking 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just give it time. How old are you? I only ask because it can take a while with a 7+ year relationship to work out all the issues relating both to the betrayal and the underlying dysfunction in order to evolve into the kind of person who attracts a mate with more integrity than that and who respects you more than that.
Forget about the 300 dollars. You'll spend more than that on therapy if you don't let go.
I think these may be key issues for you: why were you with somebody who said one thing and did another, and probably felt a third way? Why were you with somebody who didn't respect you more than that?
A lot of people will tell you that if you meet the right person, then you'll just forget all of this, but I would caution that if you are needy and latch onto somebody who has no integrity or doesn't respect you more, then you will likely repeat this in the future.
I think the most important thing to do when you get back into feeling a bit better is to work on your own goals and become self-sufficient.
2007-02-14 01:40:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're sticking to your guns and obviously making it clear to him that you're not interested in reconciling or forgiving him for his infidelity. It seems like he's getting the message.
7 1/2 years is a long time...this won't be easy but perhaps it's best to make a clean break?
Bottom line, go with your gut. Be completely honest with yourself. Do NOT get back together with him unless you have TRULY forgiven him. That is the only way...otherwise you will never be able to trust him and this will always be an issue between the two of you. And you'll both just be unhappy.
As for his stuff, and the money he owes you, you seem to be handling it the right way. You deserve the money and for him to get his stuff out as soon as possible. I can't say for sure but it does kind of sound like he's avoiding you because of it. There's really no way to know for sure until you reach him. If he ignores you completely, sell his stuff and move on. What other choice would you have? You've been put in a tough position.
Sorry this has happened, I know it s*cks! Hang in there.
2007-02-14 01:42:42 · answer #3 · answered by Maudie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey. I know exactly how your feeling, I'm dealing with a bad break up too. In my opinion, I wouldn't bother with him cause I think you deserve better than that. I mean we all hope for this perfect other half and the reality is they might not be "perfect" but they are perfect for us, someone who really cares and by the looks of it, saying your going to work things out and actually doing them are two completely different things. Actions speak louder than words and I think he can't keep up. You seem like you have everything together for yourself, why want to bother with someone who can't keep up? I know you love him, but he has to love you back the same way to make it work. Don't settle for anything less than what you deserve. I hope everything turns out good and if you decide to let go, it'll hurt, I'm not gonna lie, it will really hurt, but then at the end of the day, it isn't a bad thing if you think about it because its an opportunity to find someone better, someone who will be there and be loyal and not cheating. Because if he cheated now and you found out, how many other times did he cheat and you didn't find out? But then again, if you want to give it a chance, then follow your heart. Trust your instincts. Its a tough decision, i know, but I hope you find the best one for you. Good luck and God Bless. =)
2007-02-14 01:43:53 · answer #4 · answered by latina ♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not going to call - wait until 2/22 and then have a garage sale with his stuff to get back the $300 he owes you... Give away anything left over after you've made your money back.
Better luck next time ;o)
2007-02-14 01:40:22 · answer #5 · answered by Skidoo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe. But you have a decision to make. You may be miserable for now, but that's only for the short term. You don't trust this guy and there may not be a way to put the pieces of the puzzle back together. I suggest you resist calling him and chalk the $300 up to a valuable lesson you've learned. Don't invest more--financially or emotionally. There will plenty of guys in your future that will be on equal footing with you financially and emotionally. You don't want to be someone's caretaker. For now, you're lonely. That will pass and you may enjoy having your freedom.
2007-02-14 01:36:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK look....he SCREWED you over...CUt your losses - sell his stuff...and Once a Cheater always a Cheater....believe me I know...Im Living with a Come clean, All behind me, Turn to God kinda man. He cheated all his life...hes 52 YO and only Now wishes he could go back in time. He Screwwed over a bunch of woman. Look what he has now......no-one. and his attitude sucks because he made so many mistakes....he cant even retire now because of his Loose associations. All wives eventually find out and LEAVE.....dont let him keep you for awhile screw you up more then you have nothing in your future because of his inconsistancies. You deserve better. Some guys are mature enough to realize early on that cheating get you no where in life....Go find you a good, careing, attentive, monogamous man..
2007-02-14 01:44:00 · answer #7 · answered by Rain 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He left his car and all his belongings at your place and you are wondering if he is avoiding you for $300? are you kidding or what? he's left you and he's really happy were he is now. that's why he is not back to take his things. trust me you are better off this way. that guy either was born without a spine or misplaced it recently. no decent man will run away from the woman he slept with for seven years like this. no explanation, no appologiese. 22nd will be here soon. make arrangements to sell off all his belongings and keep the money. no not because you need his money but coz this will harden you to face him in future if you guys meet again.
some of your friends might advice you to sue him. but i think thats a waste of time and money.
2007-02-14 01:42:18 · answer #8 · answered by urfriendfrlife 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why is it that you are miserable? Because you still have his stuff and he owes you money, or because he hasn't called you on a personal level? If I were you I would stick to what you told him and discard or better yet stell his stuff by the 22nd in order to recoup some of your losses. Otherwise, he will know that you are simply manipulating him to contact you, and that is never good. If you are doing that, you should sit back and examine why. Remember, he cheated on you and your committment together. Grovel in order to get him back and you're doing worse: cheating yourself.
2007-02-14 01:40:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally i think he got use to being home with his parents and not having a girl around to answer to all the time so now he's doing his thang, what you did wrong if you wanted him back was never to let him out the cage, now hes out and liking it and dont want 2 b tied down with just one girl trust me it happen to me im sorry to say but just let that go and sell his stuff if its worth selling to get yo money worth, cuz if he cared about u and yo money u would have it and ofcourse he wud have called and dont let him come back when he say he ready cuz dat mean he don went out and did him again and d excuse this time is we wasnt together we had broken up good luck and stay strong (LET IT BURN)
2007-02-14 01:36:49 · answer #10 · answered by SHAKESUMTIN 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a real winner. I'm sorry to say he took advantage of you and so many guys have done this to other women. If he truly cared for you, he would make every effort to make this right. He will pay one day for all the things he's done to you. I would try my best to get over this loser, if you let him back, he will hurt you all over again. Don't pay for your guys cell phone or give them money, trust me, they never plan on paying you back. A woman should not have to support a man if he is capable of working.
2007-02-14 01:38:50 · answer #11 · answered by Martini Babee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋