I plan on asking my girlfriend's father for permission to marry his daughter. Anything i should know?

Question

Any advice, pointers, tips?

Answer 1

My only advice would be to ask in private. It should be simple and heart felt and not some grand gesture in front of alot of people.

I disagree strongly that it is insulting to a bride to have her father asked before hand. I think in most cases girls prefer this tradition to be carried out before hand and fathers like it as well. Give him the respect he deserves, his daughter is one of his greatest loves and dare I say possessions, if you respect him and honor the tradition he will most likely give the respect back to you throughout your life.

Answer 2

The question of whether it is insulting almost ENTIRELY depends on your fiancee. If she is the type of girl who thinks that's sweet, then go for it. If you think she'll sneer at the whole idea, then ask her to marry you, and then go together to her parents. My fiance did ask my father, on the phone, (we live several hours from my parents) and my father was very good about making it easy on him, but my brothers-in-law did not, since my sisters were less sentimental about the issue. My dad was not offended by this.

One thing to keep in mind: even if your fiancee doesn't care, your future father-in-law might, so make sure to get a feel for it before you decide to forego this particular ritual. My dad has four daughters, and so he's seen the gamut of what guys bring to a relationship, but if she's an only daughter/only child, her parents/father are likely to take this sort of thing much more seriously.

If you go for it, be very respectful, do it in private if you feel that's important, and be direct. He will probably guess why you want to speak with him (my dad certainly did :D), so there's no need to beat around the bush. He will almost certainly give his blessing, but don't act like you're doing him a favor by asking, make it clear that it is important to you that he be a part of this process.

Good Luck!!!!

Answer 3

I think you are doing a great thing by doing this.

My fiance did that with my dad. He asked for my dad's permission to marry me. Dad said "why would you want to do that?" LOL

Contrary to what some posts state about being insulting, I was flattered that he did that. And I know many other people who find it very cool for them to do. Very few people are offended by this.

If he is far away (mine was 2 1/2 hours away), then a phone call will do. If he is close by, stop on over and have a chat. Even better if mom is around too when you ask her dad... just be prepared for a gush of tears from mom as well as a huge hug from her.

OH, when you do it, make sure they don't have ANY time to let it accidentally slip to your soon to be fiance. (My fiance called him the day before we left on a cruise)

good luck, relax.

Answer 4

OK, when you say "for permission to marry his daughter" I'm assuming his daughter already knows you want to marry her, right? I think it is very gentlemanlike of you ask her father for his blessing. I dont think you need to ask him for permission, just for his blessing. Are you doing this alone or with your father? When my husband went to ask for my father's blessing my dad straight out said he didnt agree with us getting married so young (we were both 20) but that he wasnt going to tell me I couldnt get married either. He asked my husbands questions about where were going to live, how he planned on paying for my schooling (because I'm still finishing college), things like that. Then he started asking about the actual wedding. We already had a date set so he was very shocked, but took it surprisingly well (considering its MY dad).

Just be yourself, be respectful, be honest and be mature about it.

Answer 5

You are SO awesome for doing this first! You are a gentleman and he will totally respect you for that. He might ask you what your plans are for the future. What do you plan on doing to provide for his little girl for the rest of her life. Just stuff like that. I wouldn't think it would be too bad. Hopefully since you are thinking of asking him if you can marry his daughter then you and him already have a pretty good relationship. Don't worry. Everything should be fine. Congratulations and Good Luck!

Answer 6

I have to agree with what the other girl said. I think you guys should tell the parents together. I was never with the whole asking the father stuff because i think that it doesnt matter whether he agrees with it or not. If thats what you guys want then its going to happen either way so if he says no does that mean that you wont do it. Im sure you will which is why even if you know hes going to say yes, i would still speak to her before anything and take it from there.

but...if you still do it the traditional way...just be yourself. Be as relaxed as possible and of course be prepared for anything he might ask you. Good luck!

Answer 7

You will be nervous. That's normal.

Just let him know how much she means to you, and that you will take care of her as well as he has.

My father didn't ask my fiance any questions, but DID let him sweat it out the whole time. He knew why my fiance showed up at the house, and why he was almost shaking, but didn't say anything. Said, "Wow, you look nervous....I'm having a problem with my computer, would you look at it? Your hands are shaking...you're not going to screw up my computer, are you?" Depending on how long you've been dating, if you go to her father's house (when you know your gf won't be around) he's probably going to have an idea that something's up.

Answer 8

If you know that this is something that your girlfriend feels very strongly about (asking her father first) then do it. You don't want her to be upset when she finds out that you didn't ask for her hand in marriage. If you don't know how she feels have one of her close friends bring it up and let her find out for you how she feels about the topic. I know it's an old tradition but I think it shows sincerity when you ask them first.

Answer 9

Absolutely adorable. My fiance took my dad out to lunch and asked the same thing. My dad just kinda wanted to make sure that he knew that to us marriage is a lifetime commitment. Be honest and speak openly with him. If you have the ring to show him, that would be a good thing too!

Answer 10

My husband didn't ask permission, but he did talk to both my mother and father to ask for their blessing to marry me, and he also presented the ring he purchased for me. Granted, we had just purchased a home together, but my parents were truly touched by his gesture.