My son is 10 and I think he may be stealing money.
He has really been through the mill the last 3 years as his 2 grandads and step grandad have died, as has my best friend, her son was my sons best friend but he has since moved away to live with other family.
I have been through somewhat accrimonious divorce and although I have tried to keep my son from the worst of it, its inevitable that he felt and heard the rows and tension.
He is staying with his dad for a couple of days and I have just been told of £5 having gone missing, this is the second time its happened but my son denies it totally.
I'm so worried this may be the thin end of the wedge, I have been waiting for something to 'give' with all thats happened but I dont know how to handle it.
Any help would be appreciated.
2007-02-13 23:38:08 · 29 answers · asked by ? 7 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I'm so overwhelmed with all the thoughtful and helpful answers so far. Thankyou.
2007-02-14 00:39:40 · update #1
One of my sons went through a phase of stealing, but only from MY purse. Life had been very hard for us; he was the middle child of 5, and about 12 when he was doing it. I had been through a VERY acrimonious separation too, and he was very close to his dad. I got a new job at that time, which was delivery work, and I could earn tips. I used to keep the tips separate from other money. I wondered, several times, if I had counted it wrong, but then I just began to think....
I challenged my son. He denied it. So I set a litle trap. I put a specific amount in my tips purse, left it in it's usual spot, and waited. I only had to wait 15 minutes. I heard footsteps in my room, and quietly ran upstairs, found my son coming out of my room with a ten pound note in his hand. He got very angry at me....for "spying"on him!But I made it clear that it was never, never, acceptable to steal. I also stopped his pocket money until I felt he had paid back most of it. It meant he had no pocket money for weeks, but I wanted him to learn the lesson.
Afterwards my ex told me that he had taken money from him too; but he felt it was just a way of showing his unhappiness, and did not penalise him in any way.
Have a general chat with your boy; he may keep denying it. Talk to him about his worries; like myself, until you catch him in the act, you have no real proof. He's very young, and yes, you have a point; children are aware of much more than we give them credit for. Reaasure him; he might be afraid of things like losing touch with his dad; or even losing you too.
2007-02-14 07:50:02 · answer #1 · answered by marie m 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would sit him down in a calm way and tell him that you know money has gone missing, and you would be sad if it were him, but there is nothing he cannot tell you. Ask him if he has any problems at school or at home that he would like to share with you (he may be stealing money to give to a bully).
If all else fails and you really believe it to be him, you could try the scare tactics and take him to the police station, they will scare the life out of him and he will never do it again. I had this problem with my son, he was 10 and we had warned and warned him, in the end we did take him to the police station, where a PC led him to a cell and then proceeded to tell him exactly what happens if you steal. He never, ever did it again. He is 18 now and I asked him how he felt about it, he said it was the scare he needed and he always remembered that.
2007-02-14 08:15:39 · answer #2 · answered by Denise H 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The only way to be able to see what is happening is to catch him in the act. The best way to do that is either fold a crisp 5 in an unusual pattern or put a TINY mark on the five that he wouldn't notice. If yours goes missing, check and see if he has it.
I was actually having a discussion at work about stealing when we were kids and everyone says the most embaressing thing is being caught and forced to apologize, especially if it is to a stranger.
Beyond this, if it seems as though your son is having a really hard time coping, maybe it is time to look into getting him to see a child psychologist. They can help him work through his feelings on the divorce and deaths in the family. In the long run it will help him, and you.
2007-02-14 08:57:46 · answer #3 · answered by bpbjess 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is very serious...
Why is he stealing?
ie drugs? ( mid teens a little dop is not a problem but at ten he should not be doing anything.)
Being bullied ie pay or get beat up
Maybe stealing to get back at the world or people
Given the history Id say that may have something to do with it.
www.drugscope.org.uk
www.lifeline.org.uk
www.talktofrank.com
these will help you if drug realted... hell its useful anyway to know before hand...
Lifeline do the best literature and get info from Drugscope which has the biggest database.
If it was not for the rest of stuff going on...
Id suggest set a trap for him to get caught or if he tries to shop lift do the following...
One tell the shop to get the cops to put him in a cell but sound like they are fighting with you and you are trying to keep him out of it.
See that another prisoner a real scarey one is inside the jail with him. (ie dressed up cop) who may threaten him, shove or hit him (lightly) or maybe almost go to rape him. When the cops get him out of the cell just in time type thing...
ie scare the **** out of him and give him a real feel of what would happen if inside.
Also something valuable to him gets given to the one he stole to or charity... so he feels loss.
That would be under normal circumstances. Nip it in the bud.
But now Ids say councelling and taking about it as Id say its a reaction to whats going on
2007-02-15 07:22:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think id be more concerned why he,s stealing.id ask if everything is ok at school ect and that he,s not being bullied,is he maybe smoking? i know 10 is young but i remember someone bringing in a cigarette to school they,d pinched it from the dads packet,i remember about 8 of us all wanting a puff of this one cigarette and we were only aged about 8 or 9 we all hated it but it made us feel so grown up.talk to him tell him if he did take the money you wont be angry at him you just need to know why and explain it,s not good to steal from people.sounds like the wee guy has had a rotten time of it i really hope things get better for him.
2007-02-15 09:33:45 · answer #5 · answered by smiler 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He could be doing it for attention, or maybe having money in his hand might just make him feel secure. There could be all sorts of reasons why he's taking money, maybe he's being bullied for it? Maybe he wants to buy something? Maybe he just needs reassurance and a cuddle but doesn't know how to ask? Some people behave out of character when the real thing on their mind is difficult to express.
Also, is it possible that he's telling the truth and he hasn't stolen money?
2007-02-14 08:17:58 · answer #6 · answered by ♥ Divine ♥ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't start accusing him of it until you can prove it for sure. If you are wrong and he has already been through a lot then it could really cause him problems to be accused of things that he hasn't done too. I would just keep your money somewhere safe and forget about it for the time being. If you can show me a person who has never taken a pound from their parents I will show you a liar.
2007-02-14 07:50:42 · answer #7 · answered by SR13 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think the best thing is sitting him down and being completely honest with him. Tell him money is missing and you need to know where its gone and why.. Dont get cross and listen there may be a simple reason for this.
2007-02-14 07:45:13 · answer #8 · answered by shopaholic 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well a friend of mine did this...
She was having the same problem with her son stealing money/items from shops etc etc, nothing high in value just basically sweets and stuff but she was fed up of it.
She caught him one day, returned the items and drove him to the nearest police station. From what she told me she asked the police to scare him he's now 12 and hasn't had a problem since.
2007-02-14 07:51:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know it is cruel but the only way to be sure is to mark a £5 note with a symbol only you will know about - leave the £5 note somewhere around that's easily checked - see if it disappears - then if you find it on him/in his room with your mark - you will know the answer!
He may just be seeking attention though - a lot of kids do it!
But then again as Ecky says - it may be daddy pratting about
2007-02-14 07:42:40 · answer #10 · answered by jamand 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋