no he does not want to its just something he has to do, the mother of his daughter will not let him see her, he hasnt seen his daughter in three years, she has someone else that she calls dad she has no idea who he is and has no idea that she has a half brother. he is paying child support on her and my child which is pretty hard on him, especially because he pays more for his daughter who is five that he never sees. i ran into his ex and daughter the other day and she told me that her and her husand would be thrilled if he signed over his rights. she said it would be less confusing on her daughter and that he would be able to put more effort into his son, which, is true but it kills me that little girl is never going to know how much her father loves her. its hard but needs to be done, we live in Iowa but i am sure the laws on that dont differ to much, anyone have any ideas? i would appriciate it so much.
2007-02-13 23:23:20 · 8 answers · asked by puppy love 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
the big problem with hiring a lawer to get visitation is money, we cant afford a lawyer and legal aid said they couldnt help unless abuse was involved and we could prove it. it would cost us over 6 thousand for a lawyer, we just dont have that kind of money.
2007-02-14 00:02:49 · update #1
i know everyone thinks he is taking the easy way out but he isnt we have gone to lawyers we have tried, but right now there is nothing we can do the mother has sole custody of her and just refuses, we dont even know where she lives anymore she moved and wont tell his family where. (she still lets the girl see his grandparents) but they dont help. its not fair. we have done all we can...
2007-02-14 00:06:28 · update #2
don't do it.....standard visitation allows you,the father, to see your child (married or not to the ex) hire an attorney!! Just put yourself in your childs shoes, on down the road she will want to know who you are and if she knows you gave up your rights, well that will just open up a whole other can of worms. Stand up for her and don't let your ex think it is as easy as discarding an old pair of shoes. Good luck
2007-02-13 23:56:59 · answer #1 · answered by tward_ucm 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't want to sign over custody, then he shouldn't. If he is paying child support, then he should be able to see his daughter at least one weekend a month. If he is just paying child support out of the kindness of his heart, good for him, but he should try to get visitation rights.
The mom should not let her daughter call the other guy dad, even if he is there for her, it isn't right.
The two adults need to act like adults and get together and agree on something. If the mom doesn't let him see her, then as bad as it might sound, he shouldn't pay child support. Ok, I know that will raise issues with people, and I am not saying he shouldn't pay child support, but if he is paying that, its like he is paying to see his child, but in this case he is not. Its like paying for a car, but you can't drive it, someone else gets to.
If he does give up his rights, then the child support would stop as well, since he is basically disowning his child. I know it sounds bad, but that is basically what he is doing.
I commend the father for wanting to support his child, a lot of dead beats out there do not. They would jump on the oppertunity to not pay child support. Unfortunatly, the child suffers. In this case, the child will suffer because she won't know who her real father is, and eventually she will want to know and it might cause problems down the road.
To answer the actual question, I believe he would have to go to a judge to sign over rights.
2007-02-13 23:38:34 · answer #2 · answered by George P 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
IMy husband has custody of 2 daughters from prev. marriage. I wanted to adopt the girls, the girls wanted me to adopt them and my husband agreed.
I contacted a lawyer. He stated that it would be much cheaper it there was not contest. He told us to go and ask the other parent first it. In which your case its custodial parent and she determines the final decision (make sure she is willing). The Lawyer draws up the papers, you take them to her, she signs it.
Then there will be a court hearing ( I don't think your hus. will have to be present) and closure.
Your hus. can take her up the the lawyers(willing to pay the fee) and it would be alot easier.. That way he knows for sure and she is present. Lawyer could poss. draw up the papers right there and send to Judge to be signed. Try to see If he can get some kind of proof for future references (child support). My Lawer said that the non custodial parent recieves no papers since he/she is signing over their rights. But it might be diff. in your case.
JUST a though, she does have the choice, how ever the make your spouse pay back pay support if he is behind/arrears.. (Did in my state). I would contact Child Support Office, fax/mail a copy of your paper (if you receive them) so that they will stop his payment of child support.(They don't know unless someone contacts them). If by any change he is not in the arrears, he should get monies back if over payed past the sealed ordered date on the adoption papers. The CS order will stop on the stamped date that appers on the papers (judge signature).
Of course when daughter is 18 (I believe) he is able to contact her if he wishes.. And daughter can contact him given she knows of him fi she wishes.(Be prepared for lots of questions).Just for thought, this of course is very hard on him and in the future he might question whether he did right or wrong.
Adoption is tough for all, in the courts eyes, they decide whats best for the child.
I wish you all the best....... CLICK on my Aviator and EMAIL me please.. I would like to talk to you more about this...if you wish....
2007-02-14 00:09:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
There are lawyers who will take payments, talk to lawyers let them know the situation if he is doing all he can and still can not see his daughter just because the mother says so. those lawyers will work with you. Please shop around, it seems this mother is selfish and that little girl needs to know her daddy loves her enough to fight it if it breaks him.
2007-02-14 01:29:22 · answer #4 · answered by neicee 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don't know where the child is how do you get the child support to her??
Also- why in the world when the child support was being set up he didn't get visitation then? My sister and her ex (not married) had all that worked out in one day.
Also, if you just ran into the ex and the the little girl they probably live close by so I really doubt that you don't know where they live....you just want him to stop paying child support and have this sob story to make it look like you don't.
2007-02-14 01:26:44 · answer #5 · answered by Alison 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I would call an atty and ask ..one that specializes in adoption..as far as "its something he has to do"...is bs..every state has laws that protect the father..meaning..the mother has to let the father see the child..i tried to be a bit when i was first divorced and tried to not let my child see his father..(which all i did was hurt my son)..he went to CSE and filed that he hadnt seen his child in 6 months..well i received a court order and was told I had to let him see his son..so i think its something he wants to do..not something he has to do..cos there is a way to be able to see this child..regardless of the reason..contact an atty..sure if the other father adopts they will finance all atty fees..
2007-02-13 23:37:33 · answer #6 · answered by davids w 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
it does not need to be done,he should make every effort to see his daughter and pay the child support,he made her first,regardless of the mother and anything that happened after,i know you wouldn't want that for your son either
think of the girl and how she will feel when shes older knowing her father did this,he has enough love for both children and any more that might come,please encourage him to get legal advice!
goodluck to all
2007-02-14 00:01:04 · answer #7 · answered by jewel 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If she wants him to sign over his rights all she has to do is go to the family court and ask for it. You sign some papers and your done. You and your husband should not have to pay a dime for it. Contact your local family court and they can tell you for sure.
2007-02-14 01:41:47 · answer #8 · answered by kileigh1076 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋