Please help?

Question

I am a loving mum with 2 children.8 and 6 years. when the 6 year old is angry he always insults and saying that he hates me.
Where am i gong wrong or how do i change his attitude.

Answer 1

First off, you can't change an attitude so don't even try. I seriously doubt if you are doing something wrong, most likely you are doing something RIGHT!!

He is just expressing his frustrations. It is normal. It isn't you he is hating it is the situation. He is taking it out on you.

I think the thing you need to do is remain calm (on the outside anyway) and say something like, "Well I LOVE you and I always will - - that's why..... " and insert the appropriate comment. For example 'that's why I had to punish you. or that's why you aren't allowed to stay up late and watch TV. or that's why you have to finish your homework before going outside.'

Answer 2

You should try and sit with him and talk to him when he's anger, explain to him that what he is doing is wrong and that he should do it again, If that doesn;t stop him you should but him on the naughty Step which is a place away from the rest of the family he has to stay there for each year he is old (i.e 6 Min's) then go to him after 6 Min's and ask him to apologies if he does another 6 Min's.

And so on and so on. It may take time to make it happen but it does work.

Answer 3

He doesn't hate you. And I'm sure you are not doing anything wrong. All children say this. My normally lovely, well behaved children turn into hating monsters and scream at me or each other "I hate you!" when they don't get their own way. They don't really hate anyone and they do it for a reaction and because they feel safe with the relationship.

Try reading "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish. This guides you through how to cope with children's negative feelings, setting limits, engaging cooperation. I found this very useful with my rather stroppy second child. Just acknowledging her feelings diffuses the majority of situations. It will be £10/$15 well spent.

Answer 4

I am really sorry to hear this, and by the way happy valentines day ! Firstly, as a mother I have a hell of a lot of respect for you, you are amazing just because of that! The thing is, children are so difficult and sometimes no matter how well you raise them, depending on their individual personalities, they will just lash out in their own way. Having said that, at 6 he is a bit young to be being so rude to you, maybe you could speak quietly to his school teachers and see what kind of friends he is hanging around or maybe even speak to him when he is not in such a bad mood. The thing is, the more pressure he feels you are putting on him directly the more likely he is to keep doing it, so try not to make it seem to him as though it is something you are really worried about. The truth is there are so many different ways to tacke this, maybe you could write down all the different ways of dealing with it and choose the one you feel is most appropriate for his specific personality. Good luck, and remember you are a mother, you are amazing ! x

Answer 5

This is a natural thing for him to do. Just ignore those words, unless he's really calling you something terribly nasty. If he does that, once things have calmed down, talk that over wiith him.

A parent must keep control, and take care of things, even if it means that the child doesn't like the parent for a while.

Make sure that when things are going okay, you give the child some individed attention.

Answer 6

he is just striking out. Most kids say that to their parents at some point. My 4 yr old daughter said it to me the other day when I washed her hair and she did not want me too.

Just reassure him that you know he does not hate you really and you will always love him whatever he says and does. Obviously tell him that he upsets you when he says he hates you and you are disappointed with his reaction.

I don't think you are doing anything wrong. If you need further advice maybe speak to your child's health visitor. or even a teacher at his school. Maybe something is going on at school that is making him upset so he takes it out on you!!

Please don't lose your temper tho that will make him worse!! Just sit him down and ask him if everything is alright .

Hope I have been helpful.

Answer 7

Watch your own reaction with more scrutiny than you watch his behavior. At 6, one can hardly believe he means any of it or is being knowingly manipulative. Kids do do things to get a certain reaction though. Try changing your reaction. If he says "I hate you", just calmly say "I'm sorry to hear that, I love you" and don't change what you were doing before. Give the child a lot of praise when they do something good.

Answer 8

ALL children go through that phase... some earlier than others. Rest assured, you have not failed as a mother!

When he says it, just get down on his level and calmly tell him that you do not appreciate it when he talks like that and that the behavior is not acceptable.

If he keeps it up, just ignore him. Simple as that. Ignore him. Do not look at him, do not respond in any way at all.

Oh, and lastly, please know that despite what he says, he doesn't really hate you. I promise!

Answer 9

Your child probably isn't old enough to fully understand the meaning of what he says I expect, and it's probably just something he can say quickly in the heat of the moment. If he was older he'd probably swear at you! Do be careful how you react, if he sees he's getting a response it will enforce his behaviour. You're not at fault. He's just being a child and seeing how far he can push.

Answer 10

he`ll grow out of it, dont worry, you arent going wrong. most kids say this at some point, but then they love you madly in the blink of an eye! the first time my eldest said that he hated me i was devastated,and wept buckets, it was like a knife, now 3 kids later when my youngest says it i just laugh and say i`m not bothered, youll love me again in an hour! i have never said it back though.