Will time apart help?

Question

For 6 months my girlfriend of 3 years has been having a text-message relationship with another man. She tells me she's only met him twice ever, so it seems it's purely text-based. Now she has told me she has feelings for him. She knows I've been worrying & angonising over this for a long time but she continued always saying it was just friends. I never dealt with it properly even though I knew something was amiss.

We talked and she saw how devastated I am. To her credit, she is racked with guilt, but is confused about whether she wants me and wants to try to make a go of things. She changes her mind daily (although it's only been 2 days since it all hit the fan).

Would some time apart help? It seems she needs to deal with her guilt before she can decide about our relationship.The problems will still be there after a few weeks, but would it be best for her to deal with this guilt on her own or does she need me around for that? I' devastated but I still love her

Answer 1

yes take some time apart ...she has to go through all this on her own ... u can nothing do right now and maybe u wouldnt be helpful either
give her time and take ur time too , do things u wanted to do for long but never find any time , this will be peace for ur soul and u will feel much better after

good luck to u !

Answer 2

Yes time apart may help. Or it could mean you split up for good. Staying together though will most likely result in you splitting up anyway. Her relationship with this guy has not been "purely text based" so don't kid yourself it is. She has met him twice (& done goodness knows what when they've met) & those are the two times you know of.
Tell her you should have a break - one where you can both see other people etc & that you will re-evaluate your future together in a few months time. She may realise what she is missing with you & realise it was you she wanted all along.
She is going to see/text this man as she obviously wants to do so - if you *allow* her to explore this then your relationship will have the best chances of survival in my opinion.
Let her know though that during this break, it goes both ways & you are free to see other girls too (whether you do or not is not the point) that way she wont feel as though she has you there for her to run back to whenever she wants.
It's the only way she will be able to figure out what she really wants, however hard it will be for you to go through.

Answer 3

i know this must be so hard especially after 3 years but wat she is doing is not right, pure and simple. if they are just friends why is she falling for him? purely text based, imagine the things they could be saying in these texts. her guilt is not going to erase your hurt.
you seem like a very patient and understanding person and no doubt she is very lucky to have you. you deserve so much more than this, you need someone who will know exactly wat they want and will not have to question if that something is you. dont ever let yourself become a second choice in someones life because you dont need that.
my advice altho you may not take it but its up to you, dont hang around like a play thing when she needs you, you are not someone to be their at her convenience. a relationship is give and take and right now you are giving and she is taking. its hurting you and if she really loved and cared about you too she would make things right, not change her mind over and over.
if she lied about the texts and meeting him then the lies will just get bigger and bigger. if she had nothing to hidde then she would have been honest form the beggining.
when you love someone you are not interested in texting someone else, she probably wants something more and you desreve alot more than the rubbish shes putting you through. start over, before you get in too deep. if you cant trust her now and you are questioning where her loyalties lie wat will happen ten years from now. i hope you make the right decision. ther are plenty fish in the sea, someone who will love and respect you the same way you do them. good luck

Answer 4

Yes time apart will help, if you are a really nice guy and she loves you she will see it better if you are not around. Staying around will only aggravate the issue because right now she is just thinking of this new guy and is not seeing you with the same eyes she used to and will ressent and give you grief.
If she doesnt came back after it just wasnt meant to be.
Good Luck

Answer 5

I'm in the same boat with my boyfriend and asking myself the same question. Time apart is the best thing-I know that. But I admit I'm terrified that I'll lose him completely. But it's all causing me so much pain-and I know you're really suffering too-that I don't know how long I can go on letting him do this to me. His is texts and emails-I don't know if he's met up with anyone. He says he loves me-but how can he really?

Answer 6

Yeah , it might , just give her time to collect her thoughts. Time apart might be a good thing for both of you's. she feel's guilty , because she doesn't want to hurt you , or the other guy. so just take a break and let her think of where she stand's in the relationship. Hopefully she reliazes how good she has it with you.

Robin

Answer 7

Well, I am sorta having that problem. I was with him 7 years and its like when you are with someone THAT long.. You become you and that person and not you anymore..or thats what it felt like to me...She shouldn't have been doing that and that seems like she was being unfaithful emotionally..which to me is worse. I would take some time apart to let her sort her feelings out...You deserve someone that KNOWS they want to be with you. Everyone does. Give it time...Good luck!

Answer 8

it is a choice for both of you
time appart may help but you both need to ask yourself the question " do i want this person and only this person?
she will have to make the choice between you and him and stick to it and change her number
you have to decided whether you want her still as in whether ou can overcome what is happening?
i wish you both all the luck in world x

Answer 9

I think it would, but not too much time. Ignore her for a maximum of two days, if she really loves you, she'll contact you whatever. Text-relationships hardly work, so I'd hold your breath.

Answer 10

Fickle minded persons shud be kept at bay.