one of my friends is always depressed this time of the year for having lost her dad ...its been abt 5 years and she is still depressed. she says she was mad at him and said she hated him on the day he died. now she wished that she could have said she loved him when she had a chance. she was a young teen and rebellious. so plz help me out to help her out by telling her the right things... i cant see her depressed like this...
2007-02-13 19:40:31 · 7 answers · asked by Mitchell T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
it sounds as if your friend is going through a long drawn out process of natural grieving. the best way for you to help her is to just let her do her own way of self healing, but let her know that you support her and you can help if she needs it. there is really nothing you can actually say to help someone in that position. just try to a positive presence, try to keep her doing fun activities in which she is not focused on sadness. hope it helps.
2007-02-13 21:58:06 · answer #1 · answered by Island Beauty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was barely seventeen when my mother passed away from breast cancer. She had been sick for several years and I had to spend quite a bit of my teens taking care of her and being her nurse. As a teen, I said a lot of things that were mean and hurtful. I really regret them, but nothing can change the past. It took some time, but I eventually came to a peace within myself and realized that my mother had been a teenager once herself and said a lot of terrible things to her parents as well. She knew that I didn't really feel that way.
As for how you can cheer up your friend, there really isn't anything that you can specifically do. Every person is different in how they grieve. It's been nearly ten years since my mom passed away and I still have days where I'm really depressed and don't want to leave the house.
The biggest thing you can do is what you're already doing - be there for her. Be a friend. Listen to her. Encourage her to talk about her good memories with her father. If she mentions how she told her father that she hated him on the day he died, reassure her that her father knew and understood she didn't really hate him.
But honestly, been on the grieving end, sometimes it's really difficult to accept sympathy from someone who hasn't been there. It probably would have helped me if I had gone to some sort of support group, but I never wanted to go by myself. Maybe you could offer to go with her...
Best of luck in whatever you decide to do. A lot of my friends gave up on me after I didn't "snap out of it" after a year. You are a true friend. Stay the course. She'll be okay. Every year that passes it will get better.
2007-02-14 05:49:39 · answer #2 · answered by Jianna 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are a true friend. I would tell her that where her dad is now he can see all, and he knows how she really feels. He has forgiven her, and it makes him really sad to know that she is depressed. The way she can make up for her actions in the past is if her dad will see her living a happy life.
2007-02-14 04:01:39 · answer #3 · answered by michelebaruch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
people grieve in different ways....she does not hate him, she hates the fact that he died, there's a difference, she was annoyed that he left her when she needed him the most, it does not mean she REALLY hated him, it takes a long time to heal when someone dies, and this is her way of dealing with it....just be there for her when she needs you, she will eventually find closure in this situation, but hating her dad is not what she is feeling, she feels cheated, lost, upset, angry, because the one she loved the most had been taken from her....just comfort her and reassure her that what she said came from grief an not hate
2007-02-14 03:53:12 · answer #4 · answered by Dazzlebox 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its sad she feels that way. Assure that somehow the dad knows that she loves him. And since its the past she should not beat herself but could be do something that the dad could make the dad proud of her.
2007-02-14 03:57:50 · answer #5 · answered by sue 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe there are many people who have felt this way with someone and then suddenly that person dies. Your friend is feeling guilty and doesnt know how to deal with it. She needs to speak with a counsellor who has without a doubt dealt with this kind of anxiety before - try and encourage her to speak with one
2007-02-14 06:04:05 · answer #6 · answered by pepper 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to be in the present moment and enjoy it, instead of hanging on to the past which will never come back.
2007-02-14 03:47:03 · answer #7 · answered by shobha sorake 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋