I Seperated from my fiancee in September. We had been planning a wedding for 2009. We were getting things bit by bit so we werent lumbered with the huge loans afterwards. I have given my mother the task of disposing/selling of the other items we had except my wedding dress. I love this dress it cost 1100 pound ($2500).
Do you think if I were lucky enough to find "the other one" I could wear the wedding dress I have now to my actual wedding, if and when I get married?
Not too bothered about etiquette but what do you think as a modern day society??
My Sister and best friend say Yes why not.
My mother says Well you shouldn't
Me I wouldnt want to hurt anyones feelings.
Sorry its long
2007-02-13 18:00:00 · 9 answers · asked by Emma 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I do not think the modern woman is much bothered much about things like jinxes. Just because you bought something for this wedding, does not mean you will ruin the next by using it!!
Keep and wear the dress, if you are sure it will not bother you, most everyone will forget about it[except your Mother, LOL]
If you can afford to have it kept professionally, and are sure you will be the same size for the "the other one" when he shows up, why not?
Give the dress a good look, and ask yourself is the design timeless, will it be stylish a year from now? Two? If your answer is "no", sell it now, while you can get some money out of it. In a year or two, and you do not want it because it is way out of style, no one else will, either.
Also look to see if the dress could be altered, or remade in some way to be a different dress when "Mr. Right" shows up. Even a simple idea like adding or subtracting a decoration might work.
Good luck, I will cross my fingers for Mr. the other one to show up soon, lest we jinx you by talking about the next guy. LOL, I just said that to make your Mom like me! Modern woman here!
2007-02-13 19:46:48 · answer #1 · answered by riversconfluence 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello Emma,
First off, congratulations for no longer being engaged. It is far better to separate when you know something is basically wrong in the relationship than to go ahead for the sake of apprearances. Thank you for knowing in your own mind that this would not have been the best choice for either of you. It takes courage and thoughtfulness to discontinue with the plans at this point. I am so happy you did not marry and bring children into the world to suffer an unhappy home and marriage.
Weddings are often far more concentrated on than the state of the marriage and married life itself. We spend thousands on weddings, but barely give a thought to the married life afterwards. Personally after having seen so many really "wow" weddings bite the dust in short time by people who can't bring themselves to be in the same room together, I would rather weddings were modest and not too pretentious. I would rather see the couple save their money up to use for a deposit on a home to share or something that the couple themselves think is worthwhile. Should the relationship not work out, the pair can do a 50/50 split of the funds and that is that.
But as to the gown. I expect you do adore this dress at the moment, but I strongly suspect that by the time you meet another young man with whom you intend to share life, your tastes may have changed. We often look back on old photos of ourselves wearing the hairstyles or garments we thought were wonderful at the time, but now almost cringe at the sight.
The chances that your mind will still cast up unhappy thoughts of the other marriage that did not happen is also a possibility.
For my way of thinking, I would rather sell the dress, photograph it first if you do want a keepsake ... and take the proceeds of the sale and invest it in stocks and shares on blue chip. Having an investment portfolio is good to grow your money, and as you have noticed, having a wedding is expensive. This way your money will grow and when the happy day comes that you do need to buy a new gown, you will have the funds to do it without having had all the trial of scrimping to do it.
My advice is kiss your Mother and sister and best friend. Hug them and tell them how much you value them and their desire to do best for you, but go with your own feelings. If you really want to keep it, you can. You can sell it in 12 month's time or now. It does not matter. Keep your gown until you yourself are convinced you don't really want it. If you do want it, keep it. If your feelings have grown less for the gown, sell it.
Sorry my answer is so long too.
I do wish you all the very best in life. I hope you do find fulfillment in all you do and that your choices will always be done after thinking it through for yourself to your satisfaction.
Cheers,
Lisa
2007-02-13 18:27:21 · answer #2 · answered by Lisa 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The only opinion that really matters is yours. Can you look at the dress without thinking of the "ex"? If you can then keep the dress and hide it and forget about it. Don't tell anyone else you have it and beg your family to never utter a single word about when you bought the dress and why. If you think of the "ex" when you see the dress then it will only create mental stress and pain if you try to wear it later. I have seen brides in your situation and most can't keep the dress because of the memories. They feel they should start over fresh. Good Luck
2007-02-13 18:12:38 · answer #3 · answered by BlkJac 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are more in love with getting married then the man you were with. If you dont mind the "other one" wearing the suit he would have rather married someone else in then sure keep the dress. You would do well to get rid of all of it and get on with your life, Unless you want to have that emotional baggage hanging in your closet. Next time you have the chance to get married think more of the man than the dress.
2007-02-14 09:02:57 · answer #4 · answered by Val 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think it's completely fine. I'd say the person whose feelings are most likely to be hurt are yours, because you're the one who has strong mental connections between the dress and the relationship that didn't work out. If you're fine with it, keep it.
2007-02-13 18:23:39 · answer #5 · answered by drshorty 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes of course you can. It should not hurt anyone's feelings. If you're worried about your future groom, guys don't usually even care about stuff like that... Enjoy your dress, when the time comes!! :)
2007-02-13 18:24:43 · answer #6 · answered by F 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep the dress - but don't be surprised if when you met the right one you decide to buy another.
Not only do fashions change - but you may find that you don't want to wear it!
2007-02-13 20:02:15 · answer #7 · answered by broken_uk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see why not. I could understand not keeping it if you had worn it, but since you haven't there's no problem. I suggest you hide it though, and don't tell future boyfriend's you have it. THat's just creepy and likely to scare them off.
2007-02-13 18:05:05 · answer #8 · answered by anonymous 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's completely fine.
2007-02-14 01:52:20 · answer #9 · answered by jerry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋