Need discipline advice for 10 yr old son!!!!?

Question

I am about to have a nervous breakdown!! Please help!! My son has been diagnosed with ADD by a psychiatrist. (no brain scan or anything else has been done). He is not hyperactive but does have concentration and attention problems. He also shows signs of anger problems. I have to tell him to do things several times. Homework is like WWIII. I have to literally go over every single problem with him. He is very smart and knows the answers, but I have to read the problem to him, tell him to "think about what you are being asked", and walk him through the whole thing. If he does his homework on his own, I have to check it and he has to make corrections like 8 times. We are usually up until 11:00 at night correcting his paper. I am so frustrated. Today the teacher called from school and said he got up and walked out of class 3 times today, punched a wall and hollared at her. I have taken everything away. I have spanked. I have sat down and had a heart to heart talk. nothing is working.

Answer 1

My only advice is to get him into therapy.

He is having trouble concentrating and is getting angry.
That is my guess.

My nephew has ADHD and sees a therapist and has for many years. He is now 19.

It was a long hard struggle for him, he ended up quitting school, but hes working on his GED. And plans on going to College.

Answer 2

Hello, I am studying to be an intervention specialist. First of all, you first need to calm down. A child can feel your stress and your worries. This will make your ten year old anxious. First of all, you can punish someone for something that can not fully control. Children with ADD have trouble with spoken and written language. Depending on the child and severity, children with ADD have troubles listening, thinking, reading, writing, spelling and arithmetic.

Now, if your family is struggling with this then I recommend getting some counselling for everyone in the family who is involved.

Please, for you child's sake do not focus on the negatives. There are things your son is great at, tell him. Children who have disabilities usually feel that they don't belong. Is your son into sports, arts, music? Whatever, engage more of those activities.

Now, you say you are having a nervous breakdown? How do you think your son feels? Boys tend to bottle things up more and I do not thing he can take anymore, hince the yelling and punching the walls. He is stressed out, maybe even depressed.

My best friend has multiple disabilities, she has ADD, Dyslexia, a heart problem and a connective tissue disorder. We are both in college studying to be teachers. We study a lot. Sometimes I have to read to her because she is having a bad day. She has to read a sentence or paragraph a few or more times to fully understand it. That is because ADD and Dyslexia makes cognitive processes slower.

Now I don't want to write a paper. But, I am very proud of you for being the parent that cares so deeply for your child. Not all children have parents that are so concerned about academics and proper behavior in school. I am proud that you have taken the initiative to seek help for your son. You are a good parent. Just remember that. ADD and ADHD and other learning disabilities are the top disabilities diagnosed. There should be a local Help group dedicated to ADD around you. Check online. Ask your further questions through these helplines or your psychiatrist.

I am not sure if these yahoo answers are the best help lines for this situation. I am STUDYING to be a Special Education teacher, I am not there yet. So I hope I offered a little help to you.

You are doing a good job. I respect you to the fullest. I hope my future students have parents like you. Good Luck!

Answer 3

pls dont have a breakdown, your son needs you. i dont think there is a brain scan for add, but it might not be a bad idea. also know u r not alone, this is a common problem nowadays. I have seen this in several childrenaround 10yrs old. do u have a significant other to help? a male would work wonders if he is nurturing. is sounds like a mad child. he needs to know that u think he is great dispite his bad actions. spend time doing things he likes. tell him u want to start over with the homework situation. when he comes home from school he has to do it now. no tv, games, outside play etc until its done. promise a suprise for as soon as he gets it done. then do something he likes with him. go to his fave restaurant for dinner. video arcade, movie make him the man of the hour . i think he is wanting your attention in that he can do it if you go over it and help. so do it for now, with the idea that some day he will be soooo good at it that he could do this stuff with your eyes closed . the violence is another story. he needs anger management therapy- the sooner the better. no matter how well or not he does in school, he must learn how to act. a good therapist will make him aware of how this affects others and how it would feel to be done to him, this is the most effective . then make sure he hears and sees only good action. do u or someone else yell and scream, walk out on each other or punch walls or each other etc????? children do learn what they live. the poor kid could just be too tired too. 11pm is too late for a ten yr old to be up. if he gets up at 7am that is only 8 hrs if he gets to sleep really fast. kids his age need 10 or 11 hrs a night. i have seen this behavior in several youngsters who have later been diagnosed with schitzpphrenia. scitz is hard to diagnose in kids this age cause it usually doesnt manifest until his twenties or so. but what u say here he is a good bet . medication is effective if they take it. stubborness is another indicater of schitz so many refuse to take meds. no more tv or use it for a reward for doing what u expect of him. Dr. John Rosemond predicted it would cause attention problems many yrs before add had a name. in fact he has proven that removing tv and video games from a kids world is much more effective than Ritalin. the tv screen projects pictures so quickly that they dont learn how to pay attention to things. if he is very smart, he knows the answers and is trying to get attention from u . give it to him.

Answer 4

Don't give Up! I too had dificulty getting my son to complete his homework and keeping him on track in school was nearly impossible. I was only able to regain control when I began to homeschool him, it was only then that I was able to put all of the pieces of the puzzle together. In my case, my son is not ADD, so I can only imagine the added frustration of keeping him on track. I can only suggest a few things, first realize that the teachers are overworked and underpaid, they do not have time to spend individually with our children, if there are issues they will be ignored, or pushed on to the parents at the last minute, you must be proactive, call the principal, set up a meeting with his teachers, yourself and the school couselor, isnist that he is tested for any learning disabilities, which may include his ADD, often times only after a child has been tested and the parents have pushed the school, you child will be placed in a class that will help them to keep focus, usually the last half of the day working on the assignments and homework given by his regular teachers. I only found about the special testing and intervention type programs after I had pulled my son out of school.... It was a former teacher who told me about requesting the meeting, I would have never known, I assumed the school was doing all they could for my child, instead they were "housing" him as best they could.....Again I say keep your head up, know our kids are given a lot of work, and if they have attention issues, they will fall behind, and you as a parent will have to be there to help pick him up.....if you see an effort in your son, and he is doing homework for several hours nightly, praise him. I'm sure it will make a world of difference. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Check with your doctor, ask him about ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder).

Children with ADD are often very intelligent, but your son is dealing with two things right now, his ADD and puberty.

My son was 11 when we said enough is enough and put him on medications. Life became a lot easier for us at home, staying up until 11pm working on homework became a thing of the past. Homework was always done in the 30 minutes after school, sometimes was done on the bus ride home. Grades shot up, life was grand.... for us.

For him, it was not so much fun, he went from a very social young man that everyone liked to a space cadet that hid in the corner. When he entered highschool he made a deal with us, and we stopped the meds and he handled his issues on his own (which required a lot of trust on our part.... doing homework while watching 2 tv shows on 2 tvs side by side boggled my mind....but calmed his). He's doing fine in school now, and is almost back to normal socially.

I think in the case of my child, he could not handle ADD with the onset of puberty on his own. When faced with medication or no medication (and he was off meds during the summer), he learned ways to adapt. He had motivation to self discipline the ADD.

For your family's sanity I would suggest putting your child on meds. If he is on meds have the doctor increase the dose or adjust the timing so that he has enough time after school to do his homework. And check out ODD (google search), it sometimes accompanies ADD and may be the answer to the rage.

Answer 6

Docs are getting into a terribly damaging habit of diagnosing ADD for everyone. It sounds like he has a learning disability to me. There are wonderful ways to deal with these these days and there's no reason for your life and his to be a living hell. Find out if the school does any testing for learning disabilities and if they don't find out where they do some. I had a learning disability that was undiagnosed until I figured it our myself at 33! Wow my life could have been completely different if I had some help. His behavior in school sounds like pure frustration to me so get on this as soon as you can. He will be labeled by teachers and students if you don't get it under control and that will only make him an angrier child and complicate things. You may even be able to find a tutor who works with kids with learning issues that can help him.My niece had some difficulties with a visual problem and her teachers helped get it diagnosed and really made a huge difference in her life and school life.

Answer 7

I know this sounds really simple, but I had a friend in a very similar situation and it worked for her. Change his diet. Take as much sugar out of his diet as possible. No fruit juice (it has more sugar than you know) just milk (white) and water to drink, no snacks like cookies or cakes, change to whole grain white bread (much better and doesn't turn into instant sugar as you digest it) no sugar cereals like Trix or fruity pebbles, lots of veggies, high protein meats and a good vitamin daily. I know it is hard at first, but let me tell you that my friends child was thought to have ADHD...and within a couple of months he was under control and doing great! He has the occasional sweet or can of pop now with no trouble....and his grades & behavior are exceptional. It is worth a try vs medication and labeling your son. Good luck. I hope you can give this a try and are as successful as my friend has been.

Answer 8

I completely understand where you're coming from.. my 6 year old is somewhat the same... although, he has been diagnosed with ADHD.. he takes 36 mg of concerta in the morning. It's a cousin to ridilin. The way that these prescriptions have gotten such bad names is primarily because the parents are either over-medicating the kids (making them zombies).. or taking their kids' medicine themselves. The way that they work... they stimulate the front part of the brain which actually slows the kids down, helps memory... and makes them think before acting .... instead of running around like a chicken with it's head cut off!! You could read up on it... ask your son's doctor his opinion... and go from there. I know it has worked absolute miracles with my son.

Answer 9

Having an ADHD son (who is now 14) can be horribly stressful.

I understand.

One thing I learned,through much counseling- is that you must be rigid in a schedule and expectations.

We tended to be a "roll as you go" kind of family- so it was hard for me to stick to a rigid schedule for my son. But, once that was put into place- it works. It takes time. It's not easy. You will fall into a period where YOU are tired and want to throw your hands up.

Counseling is necessary.

Anger Management is something we've also dealt with- and the school has a program set up to address that with kids that seem to need that- they meet once a week. Last year, my son was in 7th grade and constantly in trouble. This year? None at all. It takes time, but with persistence it works.

As far as homework- as hard as it is- you must make your son responsible for his own school work- in the sense that if he knows that no matter what, you will check over and make sure it's all correct, then he has no consequences for not taking the time to do it correctly himself the first time.

When my son started Jr High last year, in the Parent Orientation it was suggested that at most, the parents should set aside time for homework, and then place the responsibility from that point forward on the child. Otherwise, they never gain the skills do learn to manage their time and take care of their own business.

One thing about the "walking out of class" etc is that your child MUST understand that THAT behaivor at school is UNACCEPTABLE. Period. I have always expressed to my son that him going to school and (pardon my language) "showing his ***" is not going to work. A counselor told me once that while it could be hard for me to do, to impress upon my son that if he continued having issues at school that not only would I go to the school, I would spend the entire day with him at school. Every class. Lunch. Of course, my son is HORRIFIED at the prospect that I would do that, but the key is he KNOWS I would if he didn't straighten up. Hence, no problems this year. I stay in contact with all his teachers, and encourage them to email me or call me anytime. My son knows this. In other words, if your child thinks that you aren't going to stand up for the teachers, and will always side with him, then he will continue to be disrespectful towards the teacher, fearing no repurcussions from you.

Answer 10

Sounds like a lot of good ideas here. I'd also say to take his diet very seriously. Get him away from sugar as much as possible. No sodas, no fruit juices! Anything sweet tasting has sugar in it. Have him take a vitamin and get as much vegetables as possible. Use what he likes... carrots usually. Try sugar snap peas or snow peas from he store.