what would you do if your first love contacts you after 7 years??

Question

this guy was my bf 7 years ago and he got in trouble for drugs while in the navy and he left! we were going to get married but with all he had to go through (rehab, surgeries etc) he simply left becuause it was the "best". i sent him an email last november because i wanted to close that chapter of my life and yesterday he emailed me back saying he never stoped loving me and that he didnt get in touch before because he wanted to be clean, get a job and be a better person. he said he was afraid to contact me because he thought I hated him. he was my first love you know? i never could get over him... the thing is that I've been with my bf for 5 years and I love him very much but i can't deny that now that my ex is in the picture again, I feel like WOW, this must be a dream! i even thought, OMG, maybe -after all- we are meant to be together. but now he is christian and he says that he can't steal me from another guy and wont have sex with me unless we marry which means like he is serious!

about getting me back. you know your first love always be special! i just don't know what to do!!!

I'm not saying I'm dumping my bf. i love him! but hey, if you really really loved someone and you know that person is going to be special for the rest of your life and comes back to you, of course you will have doubts!

Answer 1

no, there never will be anyone like your first love. but you have to consider your ages and at what point in life both of you were in at that time. it was so long ago. if you were in HS, that kind of falling in love may be behind you now. men NEVER forget their first gf, since back them (if i am getting you right), their hormones raged. even your current bf probably has raging hormones, but never like when he was in HS. in fact, a man will never forget a woman he has gone to bed with (no, not a prostitute, someone he knew and liked).

you really need to step back and think about this. put it into perspective. you have no idea, truly, what he did all those 7 years. and this christian thing: i'll bet that if you invited him to your house, he'd turn out to be quite the hypocrite since a man has a sex drive. of course he'd try to seduce you. it is human nature, it is meant to be.

how much do you LIKE your current boyfriend? if you were with him 5 years, you probably like him a lot, and he you too. look at your basic compatibility, then compare it to whatever compatibility you see now, with the ex, as you simply talk on the phone without seeing him. i'm sure his views on many things have changed.

if you love your bf and he loves you, stay with him. don't mention your old bf to him, or that you were in contact. if you will stay with the bf you are with now, tell the ex that you have moved on in your life, and that in the past, you may have married, but that now it is not possible to regain what you had before.

i think i am right that if you met again, if you dated, you really and in fact wouldn't be able to recapture what both of you felt about one another a long time ago, which i think is tied into your ages back then.

you simply haven't TALKED one on one enough to know where he really is at these days. to tell you truthfully, on my own account, i cannot trust a "recovery" drug person who is now "born again." if it is christ that keeps him straight, like the prisoners on death row who find jesus, i just don't believe them. i think the reason they find jesus is because they really are too weak to go it on their own (using the NA program).

it sounds too fishy to me how he said that he can't steal you from another man. christian men are MEN. men steal a woman whenever they can get away with it, which is when you allow it.

if i am being too frank, i am sorry, but i've really been around. many of my personal items were destroyed or stolen by a man who found jesus, supposedly having given up drinking and drugging. addicts are addicts. but that is MY past, not yours. i'm just saying that you really have to be cautious as a woman. women, my father said, get hurt because they lead with their hearts. i saw how he was right all along.

what you have to do is really consider the reality of yourself, of you, now as opposed to the girl you were back then. determine what is best for YOU. it could become too complicated to go back with your first boyfriend, and meanwhile you will lose the man that you now are in love with. ask yourself why you are in love with him. examine yourself. be true to yourself. be careful. i wish you happiness.

Answer 2

Dear First Love
It is easy to have romantic notions of those days so long ago... but there was a reason you parted. There is a reason that you and your current bf have lasted for five years.

Even though this guy has made some major changes to the things that stood in your way last time around, consider the possibility that there is still baggage that could get in the way of your success as a couple.

His talk of not being intimate outside of marriage is admirable, but not a proposal.

Be careful not to jump to any decisions until you have had a chance to think things through.

Answer 3

oh my God this is hard decision to take and there is no turning back because if you choose to be with you bf you will loose you love and if u choose your love there would be marriage.
but the question is why after 7 years you send him an e-mail telling him to close a chapter of your life this isn't the true i think you didn't stop loving him and u wanted to make sure he felt the same for you.
another thing does your bf loves you can he make you feel happy.
won't be leaving him after 5 years unfair to him.
isn't he the one who was next to you all these years and he didn't ruin your relation by any way.
well i think u can go and talk to your ex and know how is he now?maybe he is different maybe you won't feel the same any more towards him or he won't the same to you.
i guess you need to do this first and then you will know what to do .just have a happy valantine with your bf

Answer 4

Wow, that's a tough one. Are you 110% sure that he's clean and sober? What's he been doing with his life these last 7 years? I know part of the process to recover is to make amends for the wrongs you've done. Obviously he never bothered to get in touch with you before and own up to the crap he put you through. Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder. That's because in the effort to deal with the emotional fallout we sometimes end up romanticizing someone rather than face the fact that they were an @$$ and we fell for it. I'd think this one over REAL hard before doing anything rash. Good luck!

Answer 5

There are anti-stalking laws that he's violating. Every time that he pranks the condo, i'd push *57 (the place I live) to hint the call and have the cell enterprise press expenditures for mobilephone harassment. Assess with the cellphone organization for the exact numbers to push to hint the calls. That you could also rent an legal professional to send him a letter telling him to stop and desist from all contact. Examine with the nearby publish office concerning what they may be able to do concerning the harassing mail. Show the police studies, letters, and video tape to the prosecutor and get a restraining order. Should you still are not able to get aid...Take the tape of him external of your residence, the copies of the police experiences, the copies of the letters, and send it all to the neighborhood information stations. Stay secure! First-rate needs

Answer 6

you poor thing :( doing drugs and getting u 2 separated was his own fault, but no1 says you cant be forgiven... I think your bf of 5 years deserves your love, and it would be unfair to dump him. Stick with what you have and keep the other man as a friend. If he really loves you he will understand.

Answer 7

You can't ignore your heart, but realize you'll lose your current bf and that you're getting back into a relationship that ended once already because of a drug problem. Just make it all or nothing...and don't leave the current guy hanging.

Answer 8

i hear you , thats a tough one, i guess all you really can do, and sure this is IMMORAL but either, see your ex behind your new boyfriends back, because people do change after 7 years, you dont really know who he is today,,, people arnt always the same people they were years and years ago, so you need to know who he is and see if you even like who he has become first off before ruining the life you have now, so either see him behind ur guys back, or break it off for awhile. fake somehting, like you need a break, always deny there is someone else incase you need to come back. but this guy could be someone special still.. who knows, i was watiing for this situation to happen to me, best of luck.

Answer 9

my dear friend!

i understand that you love him & will always love him coz he was your 1st love but you have moved on & now you are with someone else,which im sure loves you very much since you have been with him for 5yrs now.in life im speaking from experience when i say it's always better to move forward & not back.you don't know if he really has changed,you just taking his word for it.i can understand that you guys go way back and have history together but now it's not just about you & him,you have to also think about your current boyfriend & how he fits into this equation.

you will never forget your 1st love,not even i have forgotten my 1st love but i've come to learn that not all things that come back to you are good!

good luck

Answer 10

Well you know him if u had a bad time then i wouldn;t sugest it but still maybe he changed but it would be kinda weird i mean how often does it happen ur love form 7 years ago comes out of no where and is in love with you again.

I feel like Dr.Phill