How do you deal with a daughtor who gets pregnant out of wedlock?

Question

They grow up from daddy's little girl to the tom boy into a woman whom the boys all want. So when you've taught them to wait for marriage for physical intimacy, took them on their first date to show how a real gentleman should do it, then exposed them to all the programs and books and dvd's such as "I kissed dating goodbye, Wait for me, Why wait, hidden keys to loving relationships," Then you stress how much she is worth waiting for and it doesn't work and she is pregnant, How do you handle such a storm? I personally have two friends whose son fell in Love with his high school sweet heart. Good guy, a leader, an eagle scout. The family are pillers in the community. Always on the honar roll and the deans list. I mean this guy had every thing going for him. His sweet heart is his for life. So many dreams and plans, that now hang in the ballence. We stress that its not ruined but, The sacrifice needed to maintain a family and be a real father takes a certain level in life. Its too soon!

Answer 1

abortion

Answer 2

What I would say to a parent whose daughter got (her own self) pregnant at a ridiculous age and life situation:


I am not a parent, I am chronologically too young to be one, and oh so very immature yet. I read your account, and, perhaps due to that inexperience which I've just made you know of, felt you were detailing your kid's upbringing the way I talk about my cooking. I have certain steps that I feel are key to making a good meal, whatever it is I choose that meal to be. It seems you have your steps for raising people. You even have a multimedia section in which images of clean-looking and well dressed strangers are recorded at a location unknown to you, edited and sold to you by another group of folks you don't know but nonetheless condone writing the scripts to at least part of your daughter's upbringing. The implications of this somewhat silly detail I am almost ridiculing are too many to really get into, but I suppose you get the idea. If it is your son that is virtually pregnant himself -if he is at least half the decent guy you expected him to be-, than more shame on you; women or girls or whatever have to deal with unbelievable amounts of preassure from all sorts of discourses contradictory amongst each other.

But with a boy, it is simpler; I have never raised anyone, but I imagine that as a kid you need to point him in the right direction, (and while you're at it show him he is intelligent because he can actually understand good reasons rather than coercion) teach him not to be a bastard even though he will be dealing with several of all sexes, shapes and sizes during his life time - like teaching him to fight dirty but making him understand the good reasons for why he is to never perform such violence without provocation.

Tough situation, all in all.

Answer 3

I think that life, without a doubt, will always throw you a curve ball. It may be a huge disappointment to you now, but such is life. Life moves in different directions and you can sit there and say 'no, it's not supposed to happen this way...no, no, no!' or you can say 'alright, I am not happy about this, but it happened and I will be there for my wonderful daughter'. You may find that being a grandpa is very rewarding. Also you need to imagine how your daughter feels right now too. I know that when I was a child, and even now as a 21 year old, if I make my parents 'mad' - yeah okay, but if I 'disappoint' them, that hurts.

One more thing! My father could have told me a thousand times to rotate my tires and I never would have until I went to get new tires put on (after 32k miles- way too few to need new ones--lack of rotation) But now.... I KNOW! I will be rotating my tires now. hah. Good luck and congrats!

Answer 4

Don't look at it as a "storm", but a blessing! I am a mom of two beautiful boys...whom were both conceived and born out of wedlock! Just because she hasn't gone by what you believe is right, doesn't make her wrong. We are in different times and a lot of people are having kids without being married first. Would it be nice to be married first? Yes of course, but sometimes things don't go as planned.

You need to congradulate her and be there for her. This is a great time for her and she's going to need some support. And if she is truly a "daddy's little girl" she's going to want to know from you that everything is okay!!

Congradulations to the new addition that will be blessing your family!!

Answer 5

With great and UNCONDITIONAL love, understanding, tolerance, patience, compassion, practicality, realism and wisdom.

Although your disappointment and pain must be monumental--DO NOT abandon your daughter on any level. You may regret it for the rest of your life. Choose your words with great care as everyone's emotions may be running very high. Think BEFORE you speak.

Try to present all options available to her along with their consequences and responsiblities. In the end you must respect her decision, whether she chooses to have the child or not, chooses to marry the father or not, etc. no matter what your beliefs are. Your daughter really needs the support of both of her parents whatever the quality of the relationship may be. Now is not the time to express anger--it won't solve anything, and you'll feel miserable afterwards. Dig down deep within your character and you will get through this difficult and challenging time. You may want to seek out some spiritual/professional advice, insight and wisdom to help you and your family cope with this situation.

Best of luck to you and many blessings.

Answer 6

with understanding. She is her own person and you shouldn't judge her because she get's pregnant out of wedlock. Worse things could happen!! Sure the idea on marriage then intimacy is the ideal but in a world where S*x is advertised everywhere, it's hard to keep your kids from it.

Your daughter can still be successful with a child. You can't raise your child and expect them to have all the ideals you do... It rarely happens.

I agree it takes a certain level to maintain life and the road a head of her may be a little rockier with a child but it's far from over for her. Best of luck

Answer 7

Sit them down and explain responsibility, think about helping them out and if you feel that you can and want to then tell them you'll be there for them. but set down rules. no going out on weekends, if they work they must pay for baby food and diapers, stuff like that, if they don't then while they are at home they should get chores. if they go to college tell them you will help with the baby during that time and if you cant, offer to help find someone who will, but that after school the baby is a responsibility they will never get rid of. tell them that if they think they were responsible and mature enough to have sex, then they should've been ready for the consequence of having unprotected sex, or premarital sex. don't let them walk all over you just because you're angry, and don't let them make their own decisions alone, your opinion will always count in the back of their minds. Most importantly be there, and when that child grows up, remember that the son shouldn't pay for the sins of the father.

Answer 8

I would say don't listen to "Dr. Barker"
Abortion is wrong, after 18 days, it has a heartbeat and I consider it murder.

Now then, to answer your question...

You seem like a bit of an over-protective father, but my dad is the exact same way. You should just let it be up to her and try to help her if you can, but don't take the full weight of the problem. She may not see this as a problem, so you may want to talk to her about it. It would be best to discuss with your daughter about future plans, like raising the child and possibly marriage.

I'm not sure if I'm really helping at all, but basically just support her and her boyfriends choices and try to provide guidance.

Answer 9

Well as a single mother of 3 which I choose to be single by the way..anyhow stick by her she needs you now more than ever this is a scary time in her life, let her know that you care and are willing to help in any way. If she is still in school try to help he by finding a friend who is a stay at home mother to watch the child while she attends school. Either way it goes this is the way God wanted it that's why she is having one of his children feel blessed that God has chosen you to be the grandfather of one of his precious gifts. No matter what stand by her if you don't in the end she will push you away and rebel more. Thank goodness its the 21st century no one will look down on you or her just enjoy what you got ..you never know when God will take you or them home life is to short..and anyhow she is still daddies little girl and hey you might have grandpas little girl too....good luck

Answer 10

3 things, to much unsupervised time,to much trust given at a young and immature age,no matter how good all the signs were!,and normal weakness of the flesh plus runaway hormones. A truly formidable set of hurdles to jump? Good Luck and support them,they will need it in this day and time!

Answer 11

As a daddy's girl I can see her perspective. The best thing to do for her is support her, pray for her and just be there for her. You plant the seed within your children and lead them the best you can. But ultimatly they make the mistakes on their own. I see far too many parents in the church (I'm Baptist BTW) that turn their back on the kids/young adults and it hurts both the parent and child so much. Just pray for her and talk to her and you'll see where God leads you together.