When will it stop hurting????

Question

My BF of 5yrs broke up with me 11 days ago and I am still hurting so much. I saw him for the first time lastnight in a week. we are both in our early 20's (not that, that makes a difference).

I want him back so much. We broke up becasue he said he had fallen out of love with me. I know that if we really tried we could make it work again, but should it be that hard?

What can I do to stop the pain. I can't keep calling him and telling him to come home and that I love him etc etc etc, I was really good and didnt call him for a week, now that he came over for tea last night I cant stop thinking about how much I want him back again.

I didnt ask him how he was feeling about me, but I did ask how he was doing. He said he was good. Should I ask him about us?

Answer 1

I know exactly what you mean. I have been there so many times and I think I am there now. I bought the book It's Called a Breakup Because It's broken. I just started reading it and it says the same questions that I ask. You should defiantly look into it. Sometimes asking a guy about how they feel makes them mad. They get annoyed and try to avoid it, but if it is really bothering you maybe you should. You should see how your conversations go before asking him though. Well if you ever want to email me, feel free. My email is [e-mail]

Answer 2

Love does hurt no doubt. You are doing the right thing by not call him, yes he may said he's alright but he hurting too. You need to keep yourself busy that help a little. Ask yourself this What went wrong in the relationship? How can I better myself? Do I want a man who going to jump out of a relationship when he board or fall out of love? No you want a man who is willing to work on the relationship when it gets a little dry. Thank God you weren't married would he start having affair because the marriage went dry. You both have to work on relationship like a marriage, it doesn't go Stael. That why there's so many divorce because people give up so easily and not will to add spice or some good changes.

Answer 3

It will probably hurt for a long time. I was in a relationship for four years and we broke up four years ago and it still sort of bothers me sometimes but it doesn't hurt anymore. Am I over it? Yes absolutely. My best advice for you is to cut ALL ties. Don't invite him over for tea and don't think that you can just be friends and have casual sex or anything like that because it just won't happen. Stay away from him entirely because that will help you get over it the fastest. Focus on YOU right now. Get to know yourself again. Relationships can be very draining on a person. Fill yourself back up with all the good things you gave. Do things that you enjoy, hang out with friends and reconnect with yourself. Think about the things you want to gain out of the next relationship you are in. I'm not saying to jump into another relationship immediately but casual dating can be fun and having little crushes also really helps you move on.
Good Luck!

Answer 4

After 5 years together it will hurt for a while unfortunately. I am sorry you have to go through this early 20's or not. Just give yourself time to be alone (as difficult as that may be) Try to get out with friends and enjoy being single learn about 'you' and what truly makes you happy.

Answer 5

Oh, I feel for you . I am much older than you but ya know somethin' I'm a guy and I have been there too. As you know it's not easy is it.
You have NO control over it at this point .Any moves you make to change the the direction are only going to move him further away, and he will go back to where he was.
Let it go;like a piece of wood floating in a lake,go with the flow;an old expression ,I know ,but true.
Now , this is the hard part.FILL your mind with thousands of things,PUSHING out the thoughts, and yes, what you thought was the true meaning of the relationship.
Ya know something I found out? She wasn't the only soul mate in the world. I am in love now with someone and she loves me. IT IS A WHOLE NEW LIFE. This IS going to happen to you.

Answer 6

He's done with you. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but wanting someone who doesn't want you is senseless. If he just dumped you like that, what is it that you think you love about him? Or is it that you just hate being dumped and it's probably not about him at all? That could be the case you know? Why don't you get on with the rest of your life and stop giving this loser so much power over your mind. That's weak of you and makes you look like a loser. Are you a loser? Then don't let him win.

Answer 7

No, If he broke up with you he is just leading you on. I know it sounds terrible and I know it is difficult but time and space is the best thing right now. See you went a week with out calling him. That is something. Set goals each day or each hour for not calling him. Soon it will be another week, then a month then a year. If he wants to get back together he will tell you. If not he will only come back to get some. so to speak. Try not to see him but it is your call. Yes it is Hard. It SUCKS!!!!! Been there done that and the only thing that Helped me is Time and Space

Answer 8

this is really tough i and i completely understand how you feel. My girlfriend of 8 years broke up with me just under 2 weeks ago also. Its never easy and at first I know you feel as though you can fall no lower but things slowly get easier. I spoke to my ex last night as well (our stories are very similar) and like you it made me feel worse to hear her voice and realise we are no longer together.

Like us you have been with your boyfriend for a long time and growing up from a young age with someone in a relationship can give someone a bit of an "identity" chrisis where they look at their lives and think about how close they are to moving into the next stage of their lives and feel they havent yet lived or done enough. I think this is actually more common than some realise.

The most important thing for you here is to surround yourself amongst good friends and family and keep yourself busy. I have gotton back into exercising and just working around the house, it can be hard to motivate yourself at first but once your going it really does help keep your mind off things.

Secondly, give your X some space, for you and for him. Time apart is the only way for two people to best realise what they had and what they lost without the constant emotional rollercoaster ride of seeing each other at this stage of the breakup. I promise you no matter how this turns out it will turn out for the best. It may sound cliche but it is true. Dont make contact with him at all, you will only push hime further away. He wanted to break up with YOU, make him realise what life without you is really like. If you keep contacting him and seeing him, he gets the best of both worlds and will never be forced to appreciate what he had.

I cant promise you anything but i know if you give this time, be strong about it and show him you can move on in your life he will come back to you and then its up to you to decide whether or not thats what you want anymore.

all the best and i really hope everything works out for you
whitey

Answer 9

Ouch, just go on with life. My best friend (not same as boyfriend) but
he was my closest friend.. randomly sent my a text saying we cant be friends anymore (we have been friends for 4 years). yeah he ignores me now, it hurts.. but i realize im young, and you are too.

The first 2 weeks where the hardest for me,
i cant tell you how long the pain will be for you, but you two are at least friends =). be thankful you might have another chance in future.
Plus some people just need a small break for each other.
Time can heal sometimes.

Answer 10

If he fell outta love with you then you can't get him back no matter how hard you try. You are only gonna keep the pain there if you try. Try to avoid him much as possible...only time can help you heal. But keep busy with friends and family and activities and hobbies...
It's gonna hurt a long ass time . So if you need someone to talk to you can contact me K.. we can chat and what not.