I just found out I'm 2 months pregnant and a couple of months ago my bf told me that he was gonna go to visit his brother in Japan since he hasn't seen him since 3 years ago. I mentioned to him that i didn't think it's a good idea because even though his brother offered to pay half the airfare i think we could use that money for an emergency or for things that the baby will need but- he says that since he's gonna be "tied down" that he won't be able to travel later so he insists on going on his trip. I totally disagree with him but he says that he's been planning it and that he's not changing plans just cuz i'm preg and asking him not to go. I think he's being stupid & immature. We don't live together yet but are planning on moving in on Sept so we will need money for 1st,last & deposit for a house or aparment rental so we need all the money we can save. Note i already have a child (4 y/o) by a previous relationship of which i get child support from. Am i overeacting?
2007-02-13 14:10:24 · 20 answers · asked by mari d 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
im only 16 but i come from a family that has a tight budget so i know where you're coming from. i dont think you're over reacting at all. i see where hes coming from about wanting to travel but whats more important, however, i do think he is being selfish. what's more important to him? staying home with his gf who is pregnant (congratulations btw), and saving to pay the bills the deposit for your new house, or travelling. i think you should tell him how you feel about this. i dont think he should be going overseas while your pregnant either, what if something goes wrong? i think you should ask him that too. you're not overeacting at all i dont think.
hope i could help, best of luck
2007-02-13 14:18:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you may be overreacting a little. Yes you do need the money for other things, but it's not like you guys are even married (yet.....) and you already have another child coming into your life. assumming you both have jobs, by the time he goes on his trip and returns (before september?), the baby won't be born yet and you will still have enough funds to cover the costs- start saving money now! It doesn't sound like you planned on getting pregnant and you didn't find out until after he had talked to you about seeing his bro. I don't think you should worry too much about it and let him go. however, something to consider: If you see yourself even coming close to marrying this guy, would you rather be right all the time, or would you rather have a relationship?
2007-02-13 18:22:25 · answer #2 · answered by yikes! 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well. I'm sure you're not gonna want to give me best answer, but here goes (deep breath)... TRUE the money could be spent on dozens of other practical things, but it sounds like he's been looking forward to this trip for awhile, do you REALLY want to be the reason he can't go see his Brother that he hasn't seen in 3 years? doesn't sound like a great way to start off your family. Ask yourself: is he normally supportive and open minded? If he is then you must know how much this means to him, and he's right, he is about to take on one of the biggest responsibilities of his life with a new baby..if not NOW...when would you like him to go? While your pregnant? After the new baby comes? When the baby is older and your left to take care of 2 kids while he goes? Would you rather he NEVER goes and he resents you? Let him see his Brother so when he gets back you and your new family have all his attention and he will respect your generous heart.
Be the bigger person. Congratulations and good luck with the new baby.
2007-02-13 14:21:40 · answer #3 · answered by TriciaC 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, you aren't really overreacting. You are being responsible and practical minded. However, even though you are right in some respect, you should allow him this time that he thinks he needs to go visit his brother. If he has a gut feeling he needs to see his brother, then I think he needs to - - - - you never know what might happen to his brother in the future, and if something tragic happened to him, then your boyfriend would hold it against you if he had not gone when he wanted to.
Take a deep breath. Give him a hug and wish him well on his trip. Try not to think about the money thing. I wish you both much happiness.
2007-02-13 15:21:29 · answer #4 · answered by TPhi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to say this, but you are going over board with this. Take into consideration that if he has stated, that he wants to do this because he will be "tied down"... First, if he has seen the future with you as just being "tied down" then you have more issues to worry about than this trip.
Let him go in peace, if he really loves you and wants to be with you, he will be back and will embark with you on to a new life together. Don't forget that we are talking about HIS brother, whom he has not seen in over 3 years. Blood is thicker than water, and right now his brother is more real to him than the baby you are expecting.
Be strong and have confidence, if you know him well... then your heart will tell you the answer to this puzzle. Don't despair!! It will be alrite either way - and by this I mean: with or without him - you will (as us mothers do) find the peace and strenght inside you to face any situation that comes your way.
Good luck!!
2007-02-13 14:21:38 · answer #5 · answered by goddessofchaos50 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Lots of "we" this and "we" that in there. He's your boyfriend,... not your husband. I don't hear talk of marriage or commitment from you, and you don't even live together and share expenses. You want him to sacrifice what he does now for something that may or may not happen in 7 months time. And thats not fair. What are you sacrificing during the next 7 months? As long as he provides for the child when it arrives, you have no complaints. He's got alot of years of financial obligation to this child, and only a few more months to splurge a little on himself.... let him have it and go see his brother, and you just relax. He'll come back and everything will work itself out.
2007-02-13 14:40:46 · answer #6 · answered by just_me3575 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This does not strike me as the most stable relationship; if you can not support his need to have a relationship with his family, when will you?
You are 2 months pregnant, not living together, and telling him not do something that he's been planning before you were pregnant. He's going to go. You can be happy for him and have him come back to you, or you can be cranky, have him go anyway, and find a reason to split up with you when he gets back.
2007-02-13 15:13:08 · answer #7 · answered by Karen? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
everyone knows you need the money for the baby, but in some weird way he has a point, he should see his brother while he has a chance, when the baby is born it will take all you can get and some . but maybe you can also get on wick. to help with the baby needs. let him see his brother, youshould have him the rest of your life,who knows how long he will have his brother. goodluck.
2007-02-13 14:30:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
How can you be so selfish? You're not going to give birth in the next few weeks, and he's waited so long to see his brother. And to tell you the truth, he isn't married to you so he doesn't owe you anything. What ever happened to marrying a person and THEN having their baby? Didn't you learn anything from the first relationship? Unbelieveable! 2 babies from 2 different men.
2007-02-13 14:24:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
well to be honest i think maybe just a little. If he hasn't seen his brother and has the finances to do it, he should. He shouldn't stay long however and shouldn't spend any more money then nessassary for the trip. Hope this helps! and Good Luck!
2007-02-13 14:16:32 · answer #10 · answered by things.happen 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋