Ways to gain self esteem/confidence?

Question

I'm a good looking, funny guy with a problem approaching girls.

I'm 19 and would like to know how I can gain the confidence and self esteem I need. Preferably exercises or maybe if there's a book someone can recomend.

Answer 1

Self help books are a total waste of time and money.

Sorry to say it but the only real way is to get out there and make an a$$ out of yourself a few times. On;y through that can you think hey it can'n be as bad as that one time and approach a girl with confidence.

Also regardless of what they say are they you deserve the right to approach and introduce yourself. If it goes further rock on my man and if not hey at least you said hello

Answer 2

Visualize yourself approaching a girl, and visualize the conversation. Each time you do the visualizing, change the conversation. Remember, that a conversation involves two or more people. The hardest part is breaking the ice, once that is done, then the conversation usually comes naturally. Ask questions, and really listen to the answers they give. You don't have to make a big dramatic approach...just saying "Hi, how's it going?" can break the ice. Prior to approaching the girl you are interested , look at her, and once she catches your eye, hold your look for a bit longer than a glance, and give a slight smile. If she gives a smile back...then wait a few minutes and just say "Hi, how's it going?" The conversation has started. The more you do it the more self confidence you will have. Body language speaks many different languages and says a lot. I read a old book called.."Body Language" many years ago, and I still remember what an impact it had on me. Good luck...

Answer 3

heey, dont worry you can do it

first of all, self confidence is field specific, for example you can be very confident in driving cars yet fear approacing girls. if you want to build confidence you should do the following

1- stop being a perfectionist (perfectionists try to act in a perfect and when they fail they feel like lacking confidece)

2- practice, the more you practice doing somthing the more confidenent you will beomce about doing it again

3- lack of self confidence may be a result of a deeply rooted inferiority complex, if thats the case, only removing the inferiority complex will resotre your self confidence

4- learn how to be assertive, not only assertivness will make you appear to be more confident but it will also increase your level of self worth

5- accept mistakes, if you siad somthing that was not funny or if you stumbled while walking with a girl consider it normal, if you did not make mistakes then you are a perfect human and if you did mistakes then you are a human!!

6- never tie your self confidence to external factors like having a big house or a good car because as soon as you loose any of these things you will loose your self confidence with them

7- write down your abilities and skills and prejudge yourself so that when someone jugdes you, you just chek to see if his judgment matches your own idea about yourself, and if it did not just discard it

8- learn how to use body language of self confidence, this will make you appear to be super confident even if you were terrifed.

9- check out that website i got all information from there , and you wont need any books

http://www.2knowmyself.com/self_confidence/building_self_confidence

Answer 4

1. you can seek a psychologist for therapy and possibly a psychiatrist for meds. it is possible you have slight social anxiety, i know i did and got medicated for it. these are not miracle pills (benzos) - you will still have a hard time socializing and opening up, you just won't feel the dreadful nervousness and anxiety that accompanies it. i used to be terrified around people and when there were lots of loud noises and yelling, i honestly wanted to go hide and cry. now i feel much more relaxed and less tense. i would stay the *uck away from anti-depressants, especially SSRIs. side effects are not worth it and withdrawal is HORRIBLE. i was on lexapro for a few weeks and it sucked! weight fluctuated and i felt numb, withdrawal is really strange and equally terrible. if a psych recommends xanax, ask if you can get klonopin or if your insurance supports klonopin, also known as clonzepam. it is much safer, less addictive, longer lasting, etc. it is what i'm on and it has worked wonders for me. 2. you HAVE to push yourself out of your comfort zone. realize that people really are just like you and don't really care that much about what you're going to do/say. the opposite sex is generally enthralled when someone makes eye contact with them and smiles, believe me! unless you're like, super ugly and hideous. you will still be a loner (introverts are sorta stuck in this position, sorry bud!), you just won't feel as isolated or as helpless in social situations. klonopin will give you that extra layer of comfort to deal with all the bullsh!t and then some. therapy will help you develop social skills and healthy, positive thinking. combined, it can be very effective and at some point you will probably be able to stop taking the medicine or only take it as needed. don't stay alone with this, it IS a problem and it is fixable, it is also unbearably hard to deal with. loneliness is a terrible thing to feel. let a parent know, let a school counselor know, trusted adult, etc. you need to get help. try to set goals for yourself, get a hobby, all that cliche stuff. best of luck, i am rooting for you! :)

Answer 5

My advice... not to worry. Worrying is what causes the self esteem issues and such. Actually a very interesting program (I just get the emails) is doubleyourdating.com now why I, an attractive blonde girl would want a program on how a guy can pick up chicks is kind of strange but I am bi and bored and such, but subscribe to the emails for a bit, and you'll basically get the jist of what he wants you to do and some good ideas about it... mainly, be cocky and funny. Not just funny, not just cocky, but cocky AND funny. I myself admit that's what I'm attracted to, along with other girls. It's charming and perplexing and cute and makes us think about guys far more than we think about nice guys. Nice guys are just... ehh. I know, I know; but there's too many boring guys out there.

Answer 6

theirs no exersices for stuff like this and all the books are full of bs. if your good looking and funny you should be confident and have good self-esteem, but on approaching girls if you can make jokes with them and get them laughing then thats all you need i think

Answer 7

Pick something you like to do and devote yourself to becoming good at it. It will boost your confidence level like you wouldn't believe. For me, it was guitar and water polo. Just find something that you like. Another thing to do is, (it's gonna sound corny), is to look at yourself in the mirror before you go about your day and tell yourself what a cool, pimp, savage, sexy, sex-god, etc. you are. It's positive verbal reinforcement that will train your brain to believe it.

Answer 8

Look for all the postive things you have done in your life and what you want to do and then tell yourself you are good and can accomplish your goals. If you have people around you that drag you down then cut them loose if possible, or tune them out. Tell yourself you can.

Answer 9

http://www.datebeautifulwomen.com/ebook.html


or

guild to getting it on.......in bookstores but its mostly for the bed part