my parents and my younger sister are all so dysfuncational, they yell, lie, violent physically, my mom try to pit me against my sister, i've moved out 5 years ago, how can i completely break out from my dysfunctional root and have a normal life?
2007-02-13 13:44:45 · 12 answers · asked by tostosh 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Limit your contact with them, painful as that may be. Try not to get involved in their "stuff." It can be painful to distance yourself from you family, but, believe me, you will be happier and more philosophical about it in the years to come. You can have a happy family life -- I do.
2007-02-17 10:51:57 · answer #1 · answered by Oh, Bama! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you can ever completely recover... but you change how you do things and react to things and look at things.
Someone said to talk to your faimly... well that doesn't always work! MOST people who are "dysfunctional" in some way (and who isn't) don't see it, don't want to see it, and certainly don't want to/will not admit to it!
"Recovery" is a personal thing and you have to find what works best for you. Counseling and meds can help most people clear their minds enough to be able to figure out the next steps to take. For me, it was research and trying to figure out the why's and hows of things. (WHY do I fee/act this way and HOW/WHAT can I do to change it) It's really hard to do sometimes!
Someone said you have to figure it out when your young blah blah... well age has nothing to do with it. If you realize something isn't working... You can take the steps needed to make them work or you can keep going like youre going. There are hundreds of self-help books available about everything you can think of. Some are better than others but they can give you some basic ideas anyway.
You'll always have the feelings, memories, and internal triggers that make you want to react a certain way emotionally, physically, whatever... but ultimately, you decide if you're going to let those feelings control you, or if you want to do the work it takes to change them. And what works for one person, may not work for you...
I hate the word "normal." Whatever works for best for you, do it. You've already said you don't want your faimly's idea of "normal" I'm hoping you'd pass on Dahmer's idea of "normal" Ten people will give you ten different ideas of "normal." Just be the best "YOU" that you can be.
Good luck :)
2007-02-13 23:28:03 · answer #2 · answered by Yur Mama 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, take responsibility for your own life and resist, no matter how hard it is, the temptation to blame your family for any problems that you are having. You are in charge of what's happening to you, and it's up to you to make a great life for yourself.
Keep reminding yourself that you are not them, that you don't have their problems, and you don't exhibit their behavior. Their pattern is not your pattern. Choose friends who are healthy and who have good, solid relationships with their families. Surround yourself with loving, compassionate people.
Don't take on your family's stuff. If you want to continue to see them, you can, but keep it short, stay polite, but don't get involved. If they try to drag you into their drama look at your watch and say, oops, gotta go! See you all later. And leave. Do that every time.
Good luck, and God bless!
2007-02-13 22:04:51 · answer #3 · answered by meatpiemum 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will take time to heal, but you are in the right path. You cannot forget what has happened, but you can let the past be the past and move on.
You either can join a support group in your area, get counseling or you can read this book called, "Bad Childhood, Good Life".
But do all this before getting involved with any relationship, fix yourself first before loving someone, is what I meant. Good luck with your new life! (smile)
2007-02-13 21:59:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to remember that your sister and mother are not you, they are there own people. You obviousely know that what they are doing is irrational and dysfunctional, which means that you must act normal.
Really try to remember that they are your family, and it might be different if you were just like that. Every day, try and remind yourself, "I am normal, becuase people just like my mom and sister cannot tell that they are dysfunctional. I am the normal one, and they are far away. i am my own person" and just try to remember that since you know to yourself that they were the wrong ones doing the wrong things, that you were right because you recognized this and took action. You are the normal one, I have to say.
2007-02-13 21:52:12 · answer #5 · answered by monkeyluver13 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you already moved out 5 years ago you live your self you must have a normal life ,live work play eat do what you like that keeps you happy forget about the past in the future youll have your own family too enjoy life as it too short
2007-02-13 22:18:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just realize that some of us simply don't need our birth families (blood is not always thicker than water!) Concentrate on your own life and make your own path in the world. You don't owe them anything.
2007-02-13 22:03:38 · answer #7 · answered by mJc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the best way to break away from a dysfunctional family is to learn from their mistakes so you don't make them. i speak from experience. hope this helps. good luck.
2007-02-13 21:49:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will only live a normal life if you talk to them. Go to family counselling.
2007-02-13 21:49:26 · answer #9 · answered by tiffers 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You gotta deal with your stuff while your younger, later on you might find it screwed you up seriously inside
2007-02-13 21:48:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋