Do you think I was right in forgiving my mom?

Question

I'm 15, my mom messed up, did something I could never expect she would o and broke my trust. Got me really down. Then,. she apologized, said is going through a hard time and asked me to forgive her and keep trusting her. I felt very sorry for her, but I remembered some months ago I also made a mistake not so bad as the one she did. She grounded me for some days and for 2 weeks acted as she didn't trust me any more. That turned me realy down. Then, she told me everything was over and she undertood I could mess up sometimes and said she trusted me. I told mom about what she did to me, how I felt, how she hurt my feelings. She said she always trusted me, and agreed she had been too harsh. Well, I ended up forgiving her, told her she has my trust, but I was much nicer to her now then she was to me when I messed up, Maybe I should have been harsher

Answer 1

There's one thing about forgiveness.

It's for YOU to help YOU feel better.

One thing is to forgive and another very different thing is to forget.

Take whatever she did as an experience and don't ever forget it so in the future it won't happened again.

I applaud you for having the capacity to forgive and also to tell your mother about your feeling it is very important that in the future you do the same to anybody who hurts your feelings.

And always forgive but never forget in other words keep the experience not the bad feelings because they hurt you and only you.

You are not messed up you're doing great!

O. K.?

Answer 2

What's important is that she gets the point- you don't need to rub her nose in it and there is no reason she should have ever rubbed your nose in your mistake.
As long as she understands what she did wrong and won't do it in the future I say mission accomplished. If you think you should "punish" her so that things are fair, I would suggest against it. Here's why: If you get your point across without punishment, then the other person will feel like you are going out of your way to be mean and that will lead to fights and problems in the future.

Your mom didn't need to treat you like she did and you should be honest with her about it. Tell her that in the future you'd appreciate it if she treated you with more respect, just like you are doing with her. Unfortunately, sometimes kids need to set the example for their parents.

My mom used to guilt me to no end when I did something that made her mad but I never did it to her. As I got older and confronted her on it, she just got really defensive with me and denied ever trying to make me feel guilty. It got to the point that when I moved out and I would talk to her on the phone she'd try to guilt trip me (again) and I would just have to say "Mom, I'm not interested in you trying to guilt me. I'm going to go now. Call me when you don't have the need to make me feel bad." Or if I was having lunch with her and she made some comment like "I can't believe you haven't put grass in your yard for your daughter to play in, poor Bailee." I would just be sarcastic and say "I know, poor thing, I've heard some kids get really sick and die if the only time they get to play in the grass is every weekend at the park." That is usually enough to get my point across and shut her up.

I feel better as a person that I never "got back" at her. I love my mom and take pride in the fact that I don't treat the people I love with disrespect. Now that I am a mother, I know my daughter will never have to grow up living that kind of life.
It may make you angry now (and you have to talk to someone about it or your problems will get worse) but you have to think about what kind of person you want to be in the future. Do you want to learn to punish people for their mistakes? If your boyfriend lies to you about where he went with the guys are you going to do the same thing to get back at him or are you going to explain to him that it's not ok to lie to you and that you demand more respect than that?
I say that your heart is in the right place and it is unfortunate that your mother's is not.

Answer 3

i have to say you i a good child, and so understand at your young age,yes you definite did the right think, adult go through some though time,your mom having a child like you that can reflect on her self it's great.

Answer 4

i think you should have been harsher cuz then it'll encourage your mom to be harsher. atleast that's wat happens in my house. i'm not harsh on my mom, she's really harsh on me.. but thats just me...