She's upset because I won't allow her to perform the ceremony (long story), and she's not a bridesmaid (and won't be). But I need to include her somehow in the wedding. I have come up with several ideas to which she has turned her nose up at. She's very hard to please, but she needs to understand that this day is NOT about her. Any ideas?
2007-02-13 11:15:28 · 17 answers · asked by taima_adara 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Tell her she can do A, B, or C, those are her options. Should she choose none of the above tell her that you're very sorry she won't be participating in your wedding. If she chooses not to participate in any of the ways that you have offered, that's her decision.
2007-02-13 13:12:13 · answer #1 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since she wants to perform the ceremony & can't and has turned her nose up at the other offers you've made, I sense the feeling that no matter what job you ask her to do, she's not going to like it. She may even pout some or try & steal some of your thunder. I hate it when adults act like children, but that's more the norm than the exception, when it comes to weddings.
You've got a problem on your hands that needs to be dealt with pronto, before it escalates. Why don't you ask her that, since she can't perform the ceremony and isn't going to be a bridesmaid, what would SHE LIKE to do?
2007-02-13 12:20:44 · answer #2 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I would talk to my fiance, who should then talk to their parents, who should then talk with their daughter, and tell her to grow up. Seriously, my husband's sister is like this, and did basically the same thing when we got married (except for the performing the ceremony part--she's not ordained). She even threw a HUGE fit right after the rehearsal dinner, my husband had to leave and go after her. She pouted all throughout the reception as well, even after her mother repeatedly told her this wasn't her wedding (she's single--can you guess why???) and she was ruining it for her brother. Finally, my husband went up to her and asked her that if she couldn't enjoy it for his sake, to please leave. She finally came to her senses, but needless to say, I don't have a whole lot to do with her. Some people are just like this, they are determined to be miserable no matter what, and you can jump through hoops till you're blue in the face, and they'll still be miserable. You've offered ideas, she doesn't like them...too bad, so sad. Turn it over to your hubby to be, let him take a stab at her attitude, and leave it alone. You've seriously got other things to worry about than this. And hopefully you'll live FAR away from her! Best of luck to you!
2007-02-13 13:54:20 · answer #3 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you need to tell her that-that it's not HER day. However, that doesn't sound like an option. You seem like a nice person who wants to please her, so with that in mind, why not ask her what she'd like to do (other than perform the ceremony)? It sounds like she's putting a lot of pressure on you and making you jump through hoops for her sake. You've got enough on your mind without having to worry about one person's ego. If you put the ball in her court, it will make things easier on you and show her what she's given you to deal with.
I hope this works out for you.
Don't let it get to you-this is your big day. Enjoy it.
Congratulations
2007-02-13 13:55:19 · answer #4 · answered by Happy Wife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she doesn't agree with her options, then tell her she won't be a part of it at all. It's your day, and she doesn't HAVE to be in it. You ask her to participate out of courtesy. If she has the nerve to turn her nose up at your wedding plans, then she doesn't deserve any special place in the festivities.
2007-02-13 11:21:55 · answer #5 · answered by Galoshes 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If she wants to be the center of attention and the options you gave her are not enough then just explain to here frankly that while you would love to have her in the wedding (white lie) you cant think of any other roles that will please her and she will just have to remain a guest.
2007-02-13 11:44:28 · answer #6 · answered by Jessica S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her what you would like her to do and leave it at that. She shouldn't be able to pick her role in the wedding. If she doesn't want to do that then find someone else and carry on with your plans.
2007-02-13 11:57:22 · answer #7 · answered by mimegamy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her if she wants to help coordinate the seating and makig sure everyone is comfortable and has a program - something like that. You're right, it is your day, be nice about it, but continue to stand your ground, do what YOU want for YOUR day otherwise, you'll have to please everyone and YOUR day won't turn out the way you want.
2007-02-13 11:22:24 · answer #8 · answered by Kisses 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her what she would like to do, and explain her performing the ceremony is not an option. If her suggestion is aceptable to you, fine, if not, her brother (your fiancee) needs to talk with her and tell her to get over herself.
2007-02-13 11:19:56 · answer #9 · answered by melouofs 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey, been there, done that...your in-laws have to understand that this is your wedding, not theirs...my sister-in-law wanted to sing a song, but not any that I picked out...she picked out some songs, and I said, "Thanks, but no thanks...those are not our taste" It was hard, but stick to your guns...And make sure your fiance is on your side...promise to make it worth his while on the honeymoon. Congrats!
2007-02-13 12:40:49 · answer #10 · answered by heatherbee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋