I hired this man to work on my house last year after my husband passed away. I was always nice to him but have not encouraged him in any way. Last year, he called me once a week. The he asked me out, I was gracious but firm in my decline. I am not going to date.
Now, he will not stop calling! He has invited himself over to my house, I don't have it in me to be mean and say No!
For the last 3 days, he has called my house an average of 10 times. I have let the phone ring or answer machine pick up. I have told him we really don't have much to say or I will call him if I need anything but HE STILL CALLS!
He says he"worries about me and cares about us" and that's why he calls.I don't want to alienate him as a neighbor, because there are times that I have asked him to do things for me (clean my chimney, start a car etc.), he will not take any pay, but I usually bake something for him as payment.
I want to gently let him know that this is just way overboard. HELP!
2007-02-13 10:43:21 · 12 answers · asked by coachls 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
The man may be a stalker, more likely though he's obtuse and lonely and unable to take the hint. He is fantasizing about a relationship that isn't. Do you have call display? Don't answer the phone if he calls.
If he comes over unannounced, tell him quite firmly that you are busy and do not want company and that if he persists you're going to call the authorities and mean it.
You've given him mixed signals , by baking for him and asking his help on things, so he assumes, there is a relationship.
Do you have any male adult children or nephews who could firmly tell him to back off and leave you alone?
2007-02-13 11:41:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion sweets you seem to have been as gentle as you can and it hasn't worked. If I was a girl and had had enough of this man I'd have more male friends to visit and if that didn't put him off which is should send one round there with a verbal warning to leave you alone. It always seems to work with my female friends. A male always feels thretened but another male, its the law of the jungle. And if that doesn't work after some verbal warning and if he's starting to worry or scare you you have to tell it to the law and they should put something on him so not to come near you. And anyway whats all this he's worried about us stuff! There is no us stuff is there! Don't want to worry you love but is this man a sandwich short of a picnic! I hope that you find a quick and easy resolve for your situation. Thoughts are with you xx
2007-02-13 15:03:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well you cant have it both ways. By your age you should know that men dont need much encouragement to think you are interested in them at all. Start paying for the chores you need done and rid yourself of this headache for one. Having visitors over to your house more often might discourage him from calling so much if he sees you are not alone so much of the time, as it sounds like you are. Make sure your family and close friends are aware of this situation too, for your own protection in case this guy is really a nutcase.
2007-02-13 13:47:30 · answer #3 · answered by Val 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you have baked something really good for him. Show him the oven door, push him in and bake him at 450 F for three hours, or until he's no longer pinky.
Then, remember NOT to ever ask some guy any "little favors" again if you don't want him fooling around your door all the time. Some people make a different reading of what probably didn't mean anything to you. And if you don't dare to tell him to go away, how can the poor guy know that you're not interested? Is he a psychic in addition to being a handyman?
2007-02-13 11:05:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
No no no no no no. You cannot "gently let him know that this is just way overboard."
This man's behavior has crossed the line from "worrying and caring" to stalking.
What you need to do now, in no uncertain terms, is tell him to stop calling him. Tell him you do not want to see him socially, you do not want to use his services anymore, you want him to let you alone.
You want to be absolutely clear on this and leave no wiggle room or ambiguity: you want him to understand that you do not want him to call, and you do not want him coming over, and you do not want to use his services or be in his company.
Get a friend or relative (preferably male) to stand by you or be near you when you deliver it to him. You want a witness who can vouch for the fact that yes, you delivered the message to this guy, and yes, the guy acknowledged it and understood it.
Don't argue with him if he attempts to discuss it with you. Just ask him if he understands what you are saying. Let him know that any further contact will be referred to the police.
Contact the police and let them know about this man's stalker behavior. If they have someone who can give you assistance in protecting yourself, ask for help.
You need to find other sources of assistance for the things you cannot do, because this guy's behavior is dangerous and you need to take it seriously.
Here are some websites regarding stalking:
http://www.privacyrights.org/fs/fs14-stk.htm
http://www.american-partisan.com/cols/mcelroy-1.htm
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=50316
http://www.antistalking.com/
You need to tell this guy, clearly and unambiguously, to leave you alone. And you may need help from the police, which you should not be afraid to get.
2007-02-13 11:11:38 · answer #5 · answered by Karin C 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
This could turn into something more serious if you don't put a stop now. Bring a friend with you to confront him - a public place. Tell him honestly and firmly. It's not going to be easy - but you need to think of your family 1st - above this man's feelings getting hurt. He is stalking you. If he continues or notice that he is hanging around - get a reatraining order.....seriously - this isn't something to mess around with.
2007-02-13 11:29:45 · answer #6 · answered by Amy 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but you need to find yourself a new handyman! This guy obviously won't take no for an answer. He's being pushy, rude and out of line. If you continue to have contact with him, he'll just get worse.
That being said, he sounds lonely. Refer him to some social men's groups, bowling leagues, etc. to keep him busy.
2007-02-13 11:31:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Lady, you are asking for trouble, there is NOTHING that is free, capiche? It is wrong of you to have him be your handyman, knowing he obviously has the hots for you. You are going to have to "break up" with him, or continue to be stalked. The choice is yours, get a backbone, and handle this, if not, you might get hurt. Take care if it. Good luck.
2007-02-13 10:50:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you are still grieving for your husband and do not want to date anyone, that you are very grateful for all the help he has giving you,but the phone calls are making you uncomfortable.
2007-02-13 10:50:06 · answer #9 · answered by pepsiolic 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
say " i appreciate everything that you are doing for me, but i am not intresed in dating you or anyone else at the moment, so i hope we just can be on good terms. and that calling me 10 times a day is too much.!
2016-05-24 06:57:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋