Is a family member right for being angry with me?

Question

There have been two problems:

(1) I have repeated begged this person to ask who is on the phone when she answers a call for me. She repeatedly refuses and gets angry when I tell her that asking who it is is the polite thing to do. Today she did it again and then after I hung up she asked who was on the line. I told her that I wouldn't tell her because she obviously didn't care who it was in the first place. Now she's really angry and acts like I victemized her.

(2)The same family member also refuses to tell the person on the line that I am not availible when I am sleeping. She will wake me up at the crack of dawn and give me the phone instead of telling the person to call back later. I have asked her to change this behavior, but she refuses. Sometimes when she does this I will tell the person I'm busy and hang up on them. This makes her angry.


Who is in the wrong here?
What should I do differently?
Why does she refuse to do these simple acts of politeness?

Answer 1

She is the wrong doer in this situation. She would not like to be woken up if she were sleeping and had a phone call that was not very important. It seems to me like she disregards your feelings. I would just continue to do the things that she does to you to her and she will get a taste of her own medicine. Also if someone is trying to call you it might be best you make clear to them to not call before a certain time unless it is an emergency because you will be sleeping. If you have a cell phone you could tell people to call your cell phone first and let it ring a couple of times so that you may see who has called you and give them a call back on your home phone.

Answer 2

Here are a few points.
#1- If someone regularly calls you before you get up, you should speak to that person.
#2- Unless you are paying someone for secretarial duties, you cannot make absolute demands, only requests, with regard to how she answers the phone. (If the phone is in your name, you may forbid her to answer it.) It is up to her whether or not to comply with a request.
#3- Do you ever answer the phone for her? Perhaps you can reciprocate and let her see how it feels.
#4, and last- It sounds like she's annoyed at the # of calls that are for you rather than her. You can hardly be expected to defuse her petty jealousy. However, if you try, then maybe it will help with the problem. Suppose you leave a note by the phone- "Thanks for answering! I don't know what I'd do without you! You really are a great [sister, mom, whatever]." Or, for that matter, invest in a pen and one of those While You Were Out notepads and keep it by the phone.....

Answer 3

You say family member but who is she to you. A sister, a step daughter, your daughter. Because she sounds like my daughter age 15. My daughter does that s h i t. We have two way in if she on it and if she don't feel like it she won't answer it. She will hang up on people who are asking for me or her brother. She hook up on my job before. Everyone who calls my house says the same thing "someone hung up on me" she even hook up on her dad. My point is if your her father you take that phone from her. Like I had to do. If your just a brother or cousin then you have no control over it, you need to tell the person in charge of the household.

Answer 4

If she was your maid I would understand having to ask who's calling all the time, but this person does not seem to work for you. The only reason you probably want to know who it is before answering the phone is to tell them you are not there... She should only be "required" to ask who's calling if she answers a call for you when you are not home. Get caller I.D. and look at it when the phone rings...

Answer 5

It would help if we knew who this person is in relation to you. But I will say their refusal to cooperate is just plain mean.
Lock your bedroom door at night so they cant wake you up. (also tell people who call you at that time NOT to).

This person sounds angry to begin with. If they wanna be angry let them. Dont make it your problem. Walk away.

Answer 6

I'm guessing this family member is your mom. Looks like she would be nice and work with you on this, but if she won't, then what can you do? Ask for a seperate phone line and then get an answering machine to screen your calls. I doubt if your "family member" will foot the bill though - - - so can you pay for it?

Answer 7

It would seem she has no regard for you or your feelings. Let your family member know that she needs to learn telephone etiquette. How old is she anyway? Does she get what you are telling her or is she doing what she wants? It seems like she doesn't want to be told what to do. Immature behavior for sure.

Answer 8

unless you did something to really tick her off before all the phone problems i'd say she is the one in the wrong. how old is she? 3? she has no right to act victimized and she needs to learn proper phone manners. if its possible, look into having your own phone line put in your room.

Answer 9

wow now let me suggest its time you step it up and put it on the line about what phone etiquette you expect from her and let her know you have discussed this with the people whom call you and that they will be expecting her to tell you ---tell her she surely does not want to be embarrassed by having them telling her I KNOW YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO DO THIS!!!!all my best it will work and she will ty in the long run !!!!!!!!

Answer 10

wow first of all the person picking up the phone should always ask who is calling....second of all she is way out of line waking you up to take a phone call....you shouln't have to do anything different....he or she needs to make some major changes in there ways.................NOT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!