Family visit crisis?

Question

I moved in with my bf about 2 months ago. He has a 7 year old son who stays with us every other week. It doesn't exactly drive me crazy, but it is a strain, and I feel absolutely crushed and drained by the end of the week. The weekends are the worst ofcourse, since he's home all day.
Anyway, his parent's are coming to visit this weekend, so he's taking his son for this weekend as well. That means 3 weekends in a row. To make things worse, they're having a "family" get together with the child's mother. I feel I can't go because she doesn't like me, and has some mental problems, so I don't want her freaking out if I show up. To make things even more complicated, he doesn't want me to tell them what I do for a living (it's not illegal or anything. Just due to their personal political beliefs, they might not like it. He thinks I should lie for the weekend so they can "get to know me" before we tell them the truth).
So...how do I get through the weekend?

Answer 1

Personally, I think you are who you are and if they don't like it or can't accept it, toooooo bad. It's their problem then not yours. You are proud of who you are aren't you?? Your significant other should be too. And, any idiot should realize that what you do doesn't define who you are.

Be yourself. That's all you can be. I feel it's as simple as that. If you're not accepted or don't feel comfortable, your boyfriend should respect that and it is up to him to support you and protect you in regard to HIS family and HIS ex. Don't take any crap and let lying or pretending to be someone you're not complicate an already complicated situation. Keep things simple.

Answer 2

I understand your feeling uncomfortable with the parent thing especially if they are going to be staying at your home. I have a child now grown though by a previous marriage and the only family get together we had that included his mother was when our son got married at 26 so I don't feel creating awkward situations and moments like that appropriate at all . That aside for the boys sake it would be best if you and the boys mother could be civil during the short times in which you exchange the child . Beyond that I would suggest no contact and I don't feel it is called for. If his parents want a family get together with the boys mother I would say go ahead but leave us out of it who's stopping you . As for the boy he's part of the package and try to never speak ill of his mother in front of the boy no matter what your feelings are about her .
I would speak to your boyfriend though about the matter of a family get together with his ex because that is expecting a bit much out of you to say the least and I wouldn't take part in it and don't feel it appropriate he would either. His parents are also going to be part of the package if you and your boyfriend are to stay together so this would be something also that you would or will have to get used to. Try to keep in mind the mentality of a 7 year old boy who is torn between 2 parents as it must be a traumatic change for him to accept especially at his maturity level so please try and cut him some slack as he gets a chance to adjust to the new situation he's experiencing along with yourself. If your nice to the boy he'll come around eventually and you too can actually learn to enjoy one another’s company but it won't happen over night. It sounds as if you may be a bit overwhelmed at the moment by all of these new things going on . I'm hoping your off for the weekend so that doesn't complicate the matter further. If I were you I would not attend the family get together and would speak my mind to your boyfriend about attending also . Stay on the sidelines as much as possible over the weekend and make excuses to leave here and there for a few hours if you can and visit a friend or family member. Don't offer them any information that isn't directly requested and be general when giving any .
I don't like the idea of keeping secrets and that makes for more awkwardness for you. If it were me , I would consider leaving for that weekend and staying somewhere else given the spot your being put on . If that is out of the question don't attend the get together and don't volunteer information and find excuses to get away when possible that’s my advice .

Answer 3

Moving in with a boy/girl friend almost always has challenges that seem incredibly difficult. Not knowing how long you were dating before moving in, and how your relationship was in teh past, makes this slightly more difficult to respond to. However, the good thing is, you are not alone with these types of issues.
i can only imagine how difficult it is to have a seven year old child stay with you every so often. However, was this something you were not aware of before you moved in? Did you know it would happen, but not as frequent?
What may be best in this situation is proper communication and honesty.I am concerned that he wants you to lie for obvious reasons. True, what you do for a living might upset his family, but it happens. What might be best is being strong and saying, "hey this is what i do and i respect myself for it". Lets say you lie and then two months down the road they find out and think, "wow, i can't trust her".
I can only suggest honesty and communication with your boyfriend. I wish i could tell you exactly what to do, but it is you that must make this decision. Do not feel bad or pity yourself. You have no reason to. You must empower yourself and stay positive. Look at this, as a positive situation, one in which you will only learn from.
I do not wish you luck, as i don't believe you need luck. I don't know you and don't understand your situation. However, i am a firm believer that with positive thinking, communication and honesty, things are more likely to go the way you are hoping for.

Answer 4

I read this post and felt so sad for you. Shacking up without marriage, feeling the strain of someone else's child in your own home, "family visits" that exclude you, and having to lie about who you are (job-wise). That's sounds like such a sad life you have. I hope this boyfriend is really worth all this-- I sure wouldn't think so. I guess if your boyfriend is ok with lying about you to his parents, then a liar is what he wants you to be.
This boyfriend must be the most outstanding, wonderful, unique adorable man in the world for you be ok with being treated so badly.

Answer 5

Very carefully. And maybe with quite a bit of alcohol. Good luck!

Answer 6

So what do you do for a living?