what is it with this whole 'confidence' thing?

Question

when asked about what personality trait they are turned on by, almost all girls say confidence. but are they really just talking about guys who are confortable with themselves? if that was the case, a lot more guys would be considered attractive. the truth is, girls are attracted to those guys who have an extremely high level of confidence.the level where they feel they are not obligated to respect other people.and the fact that they look for those traits make them as shallow as guys who only look for sexy bodies on women.i mean, lets face it, not any guy can have that level of confidence.usually those are the good looking, talented and popular guys.if i'm not very confident,its not because i woke up one day and decided i wasn't going to be, but because i'm not popular, i'm not a trophy winner at anything, and i'm not really good looking. so when women say they're attracted to 'confidence',they're really saying they're attracted to those things.my question is, how is that not shallow?

i'm not being bitter, i'm being fair and saying what nobody else will say out of fear of being called a male shovunist. i am as confident as i can be. my confidence comes out of my belief that every person has value. however that is not the type of confidence girls look for. they look for the type of confidence that comes out of being popular or good looking or a good singer or a good athlete. that is not something that everyone can feel and not something that anyone should feel. the fact that those girls(which comprise the majority) do not realize that is what makes them shallow.

what i am saying is fact. sexual attraction is rooted in the tribal mating ritual. women have been wired through evolution to be attracted to men who display qualities which indicate their ability to protect the woman. the alpha male. the confidence women are attracted to is rooted from the confidence the alpha male derives from his status. women who were not attracted to alpha males were less likely to survive. some other traits women are attracted to are leadership, pre-selection(being wanted by other women), and physical fitness. leadership indicated protection, pre-selection indicates alpha status, which indicates protection, and physical fitness is because men who were physically fit had the ability to hunt, so they were better mates. good looks are attractive because they indicate positive self-image, which indicates confidence, which indicates alpha status which indicates protection. i'm not getting this from my head. http://www.seductioninsider.com/men/interest_level.shtml

Answer 1

We get your point...

Answer 2

Too long, so i have to answer based on your question..........

Umm....... Confidence is one of the traits that you can change, you can gain confidence, but something like traits and other stuff you can't really changed them, and there are always be someone out there that is looking for their special person that has all the traits they like......
Confidence is based on what you do along the way, every body's confidence started at 0, and they gain more and more as they live, the people that never has confidence is the one that never tried anything new, since they are too afraid of the society. Confidence is hard to get at the begining (since people never has balls to do anything) but later on it will be much easier.......

I hope you got the point, because if some one get the point, they would be a popular public speaker, and the most famous person in the world right now, so that's why not every body has confindence....

Answer 3

First of all, you are spewing out a bitter attitude and a lack of confidence that turn girl off. That you are here declaring that you are not confident because of everything and everyone against you and the hand that you are dealt in life has made you this way is exactly the type of thing that turns girls away. Stop blaming girls for wanting what you don't have.

Second of all, you are confusing confidence with arrogance. If you think that's what girls want or that's what they mean by confidence, then you don't understand. Open your mind and put aside the bitterness for a moment and listen. Truly listen. Girls (well, at least this girl) are not looking for arrogant men where they treat others with disrespect. I'm not looking for the jock or the trophy winner. A guy in band can be confident. A guy in the chess club can be confident. The guy that gets picked on can be more confident than the guy picking on him. It's not what a guy does or what he wins. The popular or good looking guys may have a facade of confidence, or more likely, arrogance, but that's not what I'm looking for. What I want, when I say confidence, is deeper than that. It's more about whether he knows who he is, what he wants, how to conduct himself. Can he make a decision and be a man about it? Is he the one to constantly fret about how he needs to dress or do to be accepted and be cool or in? Does he blame everyone and anyone for things that happen? Or does he know that he has the ability to affect things and accept the things that he cannot? Can he take care of things that need to be taken care of and not second guess himself or be paralyzed by fear of the unknown? Is he a grown-up enough to deal with the world and all that will be thrown at him? Does he know his values and hold true to himself when faced with a sea of dissenting opinion? Will he be able to say that he made a mistake when he does? Will he be able to value the dissenting opinion and values of others and respectfully compromise? A guy that can overcome his fear and face the risk of rejection and can walk up to me and ask for my hand or a date because he knows that's what he wants is very sexy.

Stop being bitter. Understand what is it that woman want when they say confidence. Then go be that man.

Answer 4

We say we're attacted to confidence because guys who complain about their own looks all the time are such a turn off. I told this guy I loved his hair and he went on and on about how much he hates his hair and why I shouldn't like it. I felt bad I ever gave the compliment in the first place.

Guys don't have to be cocky, but at least confident so we can give compliments without regrets later.