my mum died nearly 2 years ago...?

Question

and I'm still not over it. I cry a lot still when I think about her. We were very close and she was 52 and I was 21 when she died. It still doesnt feel real, I still imagine going round to her house to see her, and it breaks my heart when I think about not getting a cuddle from her, or being able to phone her when I need some advice. I hate feeling so low about this all the time. I do think of all the positive and funny things about her and her life, but that just makes me worse because I know that she will never be able to experience any of these things again. In short Im not coping too well. Will I ever get over the loss my my mum?

Answer 1

You may not , but your life must go on and your mother would like to see you succeed in life so try to be positive and work on 5 goals to improve your life and get you where you would like to be in 5 years.

Answer 2

It's hard. I lost my mother 13 years ago. I was 39 she was 74. Even at 74, we didn't have a clue she was going to have a massive stroke. She never had high blood pressure, never smoked or drank. It just happened. She was gone with in 12 hours. I felt cheated. She didn't loose her mama(my Grandma)till she was in her 60's, Grandma was in her 80's. I think of her the most, when my children reach a milestone and she's not there to see it. Or when I'm in my sewing room, she loved to sew too. I'm 52 now, the same age as your Mom was. I have a 28 year old and a 22 year old...both sons. Not long after my Mom died, a very close friend(who had lost her husband at an early age)came to my Dad and said, "Frankie, it doesn't get better, it just gets different". I was standing beside Daddy when she said it. I have carried that with me through the years. You will always miss your Mom, but it does "get different". My Dad has been able to stay very active, he's 90 now and can out last me! His toughest day is Saturday's, very little going on and he stays home. In the evening, he turns on the old re-runs of the Lawrence Welk Show. He cries. The music brings back memories. He felt odd about crying every Saturday, while watching that show. I asked him how he felt afterwards, He said, "Better". He has found a way to deal with the rest of his week, by letting himself "remember" for those few moments. You will find a way to keep your Mom in you life, without stopping your future. Your Mom will always be with you, you are a part of her. If you are having problems, moving on, I do suggest you seek out therapy. I did. It helps. Make your Mama proud, live a good, happy, productive life.

Answer 3

no, you never get over the loss of a loved one, but you will cope with the loss better as time goes by. It gets easier living with it. But getting over her? No. Grief is vry personal and there's no real time limit but there are patterns that grief follows. The worst bit is at the very beginning, you start to recover or think you do, but statistically you dip again and feel like you're going through it all over again roughly 18months to 2 years after the death. I dont know why this happens. However it doesnt last as long and will also pass. You will always miss her and love her of course but believe me you will assimilate the loss into your life and cope well eventually. Dont push yourself, you're ready when you're ready.

Answer 4

You won't so much get over it as learn to live with it the only thing I can suggest is that you live a little bit extra every day, have more fun, take more exercise be nicer to other people anything that is positive for your mum. She would not want you forget her and she certainly wouldn't want you to be sad. You will think I'm nuts but when I have a problem I still ask the people I would have asked even now they are gone, as far as I am concerned I get very helpful replies. I don't think they have gone very far and I know they still love me.

Answer 5

My best freinds mother died when she was 10. She has always had trouble talking about it. She is now 20 and going to college. She has started going to a counsler which she had always hated doing before. But now she said it is nice to be able to talk about it with the counsler. Maybe you could try this? Im not sure if getting over her will ever happen, but maybe you can cope with it more as time goes on. I think trying to find help from a counsler will help you. Stay strong, but know that there are people willing to help you, you do not need to go through this by yourself.

Answer 6

You are still grieving and it's understandable, after all she was your mother.
My grandfather died 11 years ago and I still go back to his house in my dreams and I still think about him every day of my life.
But that's just normal and of course you do get over it.
I had some therapy and it helped me cope in hard times.
If you have your family try and talk to them and I'm sure they will support you. It really helped when I finally talked about it with the rest of my family. Just think she's in a better place now and I'm sure she wouldn't want you to feel like this. Try to move on with your life and take on some hobbies and things to get your mind off this for the time being.

Answer 7

I'm so sorry for your loss no one can quite imagine the pain of something like this until they have gone through it themselves. have you tried counseling at all? what have other members of your family done to cope with this can they help you in anyway do you think. you need to talk about this to someone. I really hope you can find some way of letting go soon so that you can be happy again I know you mum would not want you to be as sad and unhappy as what you are. She would want you to have a good life full of laughter, happiness and love.

Answer 8

Huni, i dont really know what to say - other than i am really sorry for your loss, i know that probably wont make a difference to you but i genuinly am sorry and all my love and thoughts are with you.
I have no idea of how your feeling i could not and will not imagine what it would be like without my mum, she and my daugher are my world. My nan died when i was 17 and she and i were so close - it distroyed me! I still fall to pieces now when i think about our time together and its 8 years on. I know i will never completely get over it, but i can promise it does get soo much easier- you will never forget her and so you shouldnt - but you have to know that she is watching over you and would want you to start moving on, all the good times you shared, she would hate to think they now make you sad - i didnt know ur mum but i can promise you she would not want this for you - you need to live the life she wanted you to, make her proud of you - if you are finding it that hard speak to someone - me if need be - dont suffer alone, take care and all my love xx

Answer 9

Sorry you are having such a tough time. It's normal to be sad after the loss of a loved one, and it does take time. The time varies a lot and will depend on how suddenly your mother passed away and how prepared you were for it at the time. You are doing the right things to remember all the positive and funny things about her and her life.

One way of coping is to keep thinking about what your mother would want for you, and what she would want you to do.

She would want you to be able to enjoy life and to be happy. I bet that if she were here to say, she would advise you to have a good time, planning your future and enjoying life today! Seize opportunities and share good times with friends! Your mother would be happy and proud to see you doing this, even though she cannot be with you.

Answer 10

The simple answer to your question is no you will never get over the loss.
It will be easier as time goes by.
As young as you both were two years is not that long.
You were together for 21 years she's gone for the rest of your life, two years is a tiny slice of time.
People I have know that lost a parent have invariably said two things, it is the hardest thing they have ever been through and they were surprised at how many people around them didn't understand how hard it is.
You can't compare yourself to the people around you that haven't lost a parent, their lives have not been forever altered like yours.

My prayers are with you, god bless.

Answer 11

have just read your message and i am so sorry ..i lost my mum nearly 3 years ago to cancer very sudden all diagnosed and done within 3 monthes...you will never get over losing your mum as she was probably the most special person ever in your life..but it doe,s get easier over time..she is there for you ok not in person but she will be looking out for you..talk to her as you normally would do i find that helps a lot..i get silly things happen around my house like a light going on or the stereo will switch on when i miss my mum and need her with me..none of it spooks me i just know she is around...please feel free to email me if you ever need someone to talk to you..i,m not an old person i lost my mum very young too she was 56....it does get easier i promise be well x