Alright so here's the deal...I have been with my fiancee now for 2 yrs. and we each have a child from our previous marriages. My daughter is soon to be 9 and his just turned 6 a few months back. The two of them get along ok at best. My fiancee seems to think that in a few(?) years that my daughter should be able to babysit his daughter and I told him today that I did not see that as ever happening and he got so angry about it. He made a comment that "great we will never have a life" and "I can't believe you wouldn't make her babysit the other". I just don't feel that it should have to be my daughter's responsibility to babysit his daughter. I feel they are for one, too close in age, second, they don't get along well enough now for the younger one to even pay any mind to the requests of the older one, even when they are just playing together, third I do not want the misbehavior of his child to result in punishment of mine. He thinks I am being unreasonable. Any thoughts or advice?
2007-02-13 09:56:51 · 8 answers · asked by southerngrace237 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Hey Southerngrace,
You can look at this situation in several ways. Obviously, this is not something that should be an issue for several years so doesn't need to be decided today. But, is this argument just one of many ... an indication of deeper issues ... or did your answer just seem insensitive to him at a bad time?
Assuming this is not a deal-breaker in the possible marriage, just suggest the topic be tabled for a few years until your daughter is old enough for it to be an issue.
Babysitting when the girls are that close in age is not necessarily a good thing. Occasionally, maybe, but not on a regular basis probably.
My sister is 2 years older than me and sometimes my parents would leave for a short while and leave her "in charge" of me and our younger brothers. She was NOT the babysitter (we were too "old" for a babysitter) but she was given a certain amount of responsibility.
Ultimately, your daughter is the one who will make the decision. If she is not open to being in charge, then I would not give her that duty as she will not take it seriously. However, if she is up for the challenge and you feel she can handle the responsibility, then you can always leave them alone for a couple of hours and see how it goes.
I don't think that whether they are siblings or step-siblings really has anything to do with it. The closeness in age and the maturity of the older child is really where the rubber meets the road.
If you need some other resources or ideas on parenting issues, check out the link I've included.
Cindy
http://www.family-matters-tidbits.com
2007-02-13 10:25:47 · answer #1 · answered by 2stayhome 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think both of you are just voicing natural questions outloud, I would say it depends on the children and they're ability to be open and honest with you, also the time of day or evening, if both had a great reward system for great behavior while during the babysitting situation. if you did do it, you would have to test it. small half hour, go get a coffee sessions and then make it a little longer each time, that way it wont be so shocking to them and they're systems, you would have to be very very careful about punishing any child for anything you didnt see, belieiving one over the other could cause some serious issues, manipulating behavior. and totally put some ripples in your relationship, there is much time to assess this, your not gona have a nine year old babysit anyone, I know that... but what is the age. not the legal age the childs ability of age, thirteen. hmmm what were you thinking at thirteen.
2007-02-13 10:06:35 · answer #2 · answered by Jacquelyn V 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's right you ARE being unreasonable. Siblings and step siblings "babysit" one another all the time. It's not like your daughter is going to be raising his daughter..that is the job of the parents but to watch her for a few hours while mom and dad go out I see no problem with it. Besides being siblings payment is much less. Around here babysitters get $10.00 to $15.00 an hour...So are you willing to pay a regular sitter THAT much in order to go to dinner and a movie? I'll bet it will be "McPuke's" and Blockbuster because after paying a sitter an upwards of $50.00 a night that's all you'll be able to afford.
2007-02-13 10:13:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Thats a tough one. It would be alot easier if you had a real babysitter. By this time, I would suggest that you should. Do you never go out? That s not healthy. And, it really isn't healthy to let older children watch the younger. Not unless they are already in bed, SLEEPING> so that means you don't go out without a real babysitter. I am sure you must know someone that you can trade babysitting with.
2007-02-13 10:16:03 · answer #4 · answered by HDGranny 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I find your fiancee's behavior bizarre... for one, why is he already thinking of ways to find a free babysitter? Does he expect it of you now? I have to agree with the other poster... you may want to rethink this marriage. This sounds like the beginning of worse things ahead.
For the record, I don't believe in siblings babysitting siblings, step- or not. Parents have children, not their elder kids. I don't consider it a normal (and therefore healthy, reponsibility building) chore.
2007-02-13 10:10:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It wouldn't happen for a few years anyways. Think about it then, right now forget about it. As they get older, they may change their attitudes about each other and get along better (more like sisters). Right now they are just rebelling as they are having to get used to a situation they were forced into.
2007-02-13 10:01:36 · answer #6 · answered by Jo 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
why are you stressing over something that this child cannot even do yet? wait until she is older to have this discussion she's only 9 and in a few years she could be very mature until then you two need to relax
2007-02-13 10:05:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
...call this engagement off...if this is an upcoming issue and you are bickering about it...you won't be able to deal with even more crucial issues (family matters) after you marry...you need to get this stuff cleared up.
2007-02-13 10:02:27 · answer #8 · answered by Pooks 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋