I am eight hours away from my mother and siblings. Now, understand, I have five younger siblings who still live at home with my mother. My only connection to the 6 of them (mom and sibs) is by phone, so I try to call as much as possible.
The thing is, my 16yo white sister is dating a 19yo black guy. I don't put the colors in because they matter to me- but because they matter to my mom. It concerns me that she's dating someone so much older. I mean, I know from experience- at 17 I got pregnant by a 21yo, and I know the stuff that follows- him not wanting anything to do with a baby, a pregnant woma, etc- but that's not the problem right now.
The current issue is my mom, because for her, the issue with my sister is the boyfriend's color. Every time I talk to her, she starts up about "Stacey dating a" and uses the capital N. Like today- going on about how she can't keep my sister away from the [that horrible word]s, how yesterday she caught my sister coming from the home of a
2007-02-13 09:27:30 · 11 answers · asked by imjustasteph 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
19yo N____, and how she 'aint gonna raise no N____ babies.
How the heck do I explain to her that the word offends me, that the racism disgusts me, and that it makes me want to hang up the phone.......without breaking the only family ties that I have here, 450 miles away?
2007-02-13 09:28:42 · update #1
And by the way, if you're too stupid to realize that a sixteen year old CHILD has no business dating a nineteen year old ADULT, just don't answer, please.
2007-02-13 09:36:56 · update #2
One more point- my mom blames all black people for my brother's drug problem (which is stupid, aside from the obvious fact that my brother is an adult and makes his own dumb decisions, because the guy he buys from is white anyway) and so has a grudge against them.
2007-02-13 09:43:08 · update #3
Start positive, set ground rules, offer solutions:
Tell your mother: "Mom, I'm equally concerned about Stacey and her boyfriend, considering the age difference between them, and I'd like to work with you on helping her make the right choices. But I find it very difficult to have a conversation with you if you keep using that word - it's very offensive to me, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't use it any more. Let's try and focus on his merits and faults independent of his skin color. And calling him names like that will only make Stacey more determined to defend him and stay with him.
Now, how can we help Stacey? What rules can we get her to agree to? Would it help if I had a heart-to-heart talk with her about sex and pregnancy? What if we talked to his family to see what their concerns are, and if they can help keep an eye on the couple?"
2007-02-13 09:42:23 · answer #1 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do you really think that your mom would not talk to you any more if you tell her you don't what to hear racist comments anymore. You make a good point that you don't want your sister dating someone much older then she. In your right. She shouldn't. Can you stop that. In the answer is probably no. Your mom so concern about the boys color I don't think she minds the age so much. And as a older sister/brother you have concerns. But don't let that stop you from your life. You can't fix whats wrong back home. Your obviously doing your own thing. And as your mom your not going to change her believes she has to do that on her own in the grace of God.
2007-02-13 10:32:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As someone who is in an interracial relationship and have been for a very long time, this kind of thing just aggrivates me. Your mother is obviously very closed-minded and I'm sorry, but she is ignorant. It is 2007, it is time to get over all of the "color" issues. My family is 100% supportive of my relationship and my Mother loves my boyfriend. My Uncle is African-American and I have 7 bi-racial god children. I cannot imagine talking to someone who would use that word and me not say something to them.
At this point, you need to say something to her. It is not only offensive to you, but if she keeps it up, your sister is going to leave that house with this boy and she will never see her again. I think the bigger issue is the age difference. I think your Mother should be more concerned with that. Your sister should also be careful. I don't know what state she lives in, but if there is a statutory rape law in her state, this 19yo boy could be in a whole lot of trouble. Aside from the age difference, if he treats her well and makes her happy what difference does it make what color he is? Would she have the same issue with a hispanic, italian, asian or greek boy? I think that your Mom needs to take a look at the bigger picture.
2007-02-13 09:40:34 · answer #3 · answered by Meadow Soprano 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think your mom should be more worried about a 16 yr old dating a 19 yr old. It's 2007, the racism thing is long over.
2007-02-13 15:47:22 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
personally I would... just because it would be something I would do, being the oldest in my family... Tell my mom my sister is actually also dating a 50 year old white guy and see what she says then..
dawn
2007-02-13 09:52:47 · answer #5 · answered by someone 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your mom has major issues...she is the reason rasism exists....as far as the guy being 19 well there is alot of things you can do about it...how about calling the police...he is in violation of endangering the welfare of a child....and if they are having sex well now he is in violation of having sex with a minor and endangering the welfare of a child....corupting the morrals of a minor ect....LOOK INTO IT.....
2007-02-13 11:06:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why should any of this be your business...this concernce your sister and not you, as far as your sister seeing an older guy...don't base HER choices and HER decisions on the ones that YOU made. She's not you, she's not your clone, she is simply your sister and could be much smarter than you were at her age. As for your mother, she is your mother either tolerate her the way she is or stop going to visit. The choice is up to you.
2007-02-13 09:32:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋
Your parents are set in their way's, there's nothing you can do about it. There is no good or bad in different races it's the people that are good or bad. You cannot change no one because that's the way they feel.
2007-02-13 10:55:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
ok talk to your sister and ask her what she feel about what your mom calls her bf
2007-02-13 09:37:53 · answer #9 · answered by nikki 1 · 0⤊ 3⤋
look talk to your mom or dad you have friends and you treat colored people with respect and they should to there is no one you should be unequal to beacuz of ur parentsTELL THEM THAT RESIUM IS MEAN AND WONT DEAL WITH IT SO THEY HAVE TO DEAL!!
2007-02-13 09:34:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋