My grandfather died and I don't feel sad, is this normal?

Question

The title is a little misleading, tried to think of a way to re-word it but couldn't. I received the phone call this morning from the hospital saying my grandfather passed away. At that time I was sad about it, I went back to sleep and when I woke up I didn't feel it so much anymore, even when I first heard the news I had felt a sense of.. accepting, knowing he was going to pass away soon. Now i'm more accepting of it, he himself said he had lived a full life and i'm happy he did, dying at the ripe age of 76 he experienced many more thing then I might ever in my lifetime. So my question is, is it normal to be so accepting of the loss of a family member so soon? I heard there are 5 or 7 stages of mourning, but I feel I haven't gone through those and just went straight to acceptance.

Answer 1

yes it is normall.it happens with me too when my grandmother died.

Answer 2

Yes, I think that's totally normal, especially when the person who died was older, had lived his life, and you knew it was coming. Not everyone goes through every stage of mourning, and sometimes the stages go in different orders. Sometimes it can take days for you to even fully comprehend that someone is gone, and you won't feel upset about it until then. Other times you might feel better quickly but then have days when you're really upset about it, months later. But even if neither of those things happens to you and you always have peace about this, that's normal too. I guess what I'm trying to say is there is no real "normal" when it comes to grieving, you deal with it however you can and I think it's great that you are able to focus on the positives (like he's lived a long life). But do remember that, since everyone grieves differently, others in your family may not see this the way that you do, and don't ever try to tell someone else that they shouldn't be upset just because the person had lived a full life or is in a better place or whatever. Yes, that's true, and yes, that will eventually help people feel better, but in the meantime they still need a chance to come to terms with everything on their own time.

Answer 3

The 5 stages of grieving. I worked with hospice patients when I was young and I seemed to get numb when it came to death. Until I lost my father then I understood the pain. The stages of death are normal for healthy grieving. Keep your memories, talk about it and write in a journal if you think it would help. Don't judge your grandmother, she has started the process sooner than you did. She has watched him slowly slip away and that is a pain you can't know until you go through it. Later on your grandmother may have more symptoms. When you watch a person die and it takes a long time death is a welcome release to suffering. Months later the reality may set in and the tears will flow more easily. I didn't think my mom was showing much emotion after my dad died. I was angry at her for a lot of things. A year later I realized that my mom was depressed. She wouldn't get dressed Christmas day and join the family like we had always done. She spent the day alone sitting in the middle of her living room. It was the saddest thing I had ever seen in my life. Take care of your grandma, she will need comfort later.

Answer 4

I'm very sorry for your loss, I just lost my father on Saturday. Different people mourn in different ways. You are comforted in the fact of knowing that your grandfather lived a full life, you also had time to mentally prepare for what you knew was coming as far as your grandfather passing away. I think that what you are feeling is totally normal. Just make sure that you give your grandfather a proper burial or cremation or whatever it is that you can afford. Good luck, God Bless and once again I am truly sorry for your loss.

Answer 5

I think it is normal.

My grandfather died almost 6 years ago from a heart attack. It all happended very suddenly...he was in Mexico and I live in Texas & I was pregnant at the time so I could not even go to the funeral.
Anyways...although I was very sad that he passed away b/c I loved him and he was the patriarch of our family...up to this day i have not cried. I have had dreams of him and when i wake up I feel terribly sad and i miss not seeing him but i haven't cried. Sometimes it makes me feel bad b/c I feel that maybe that shows that i did not love him like i thought i did...but i did and i still do.
So I guess if u already knew that it was gonna happen...that's probably why u r more accepting of the news.
Either ways...i'm sorry for your loss.

Answer 6

Its not unusual. When my Grandfather died, yes I cried we were at his bedside so it was hard not to but once I flew back home things just got back to normal. I think its the accepting of his death and knowing he was satisfied with his life that kept me from the deep mourning. I just knew he would want me to keep on living my life and think of him fondly. Its been 5 years and I have not gone through any mourning stages. I miss him and I love him but it didnt consume me. Now if he and your Grandmother were still together you will need to be supportive of her because my Grandmother is still mourning.

Don't feel guilty. I think your completly normal and everyone mourns someones death or celebrates the persons life in a different way ( I prefer the latter)

Answer 7

Don't feel guilty about those stages of mourning. Not everyone will "feel" those things, nor should we.
There are no right or wrong ways to mourn a loved one passing.
You sound as if you will remember him the way he would want, and that I think is the way to handle it.
God Bless.

Answer 8

It is completely normal. It sounds like you have known for a while that he was starting to slip away. Since your family had time to deal with it, that makes it "easier" in the lose. Also, it sounds like he was comfortable with the idea of going home soon. You knew he was ready to pass on, so that also made it easier to accept.

Answer 9

Perhaps you already did your mourning while he was still alive? Maybe while he was in the hospital sick you were anticipating his death and were kind of "pre-mourning" then... and then when you finally got the news you had already accepted the fact.

-OR-

Perhaps you haven't accepted it, and perhaps you're confusing "acceptance" with just plain not coming to grips with it yet...

At any rate, I'm very sorry for your loss.

Answer 10

If it was a sudden death perhaps you would have flet different but he was in the hospital and dying. Like you said, he lived a full life and death is a part of living so I think you were already prepared for it.

Answer 11

okay when mine died i was there, and i didnt really respnd to overly much, it took a few days, i did not respnd until 3 days later at the funeral, you may be in shock, i was just letting you know incase you suddenly start to freak out