I've been with my bf for 2 and a 1/2 years now. We have a 9 month old daughter. We currently live at my mom's house still, but we're going to be moving out by april into our own apt. I'm the type of girl who's been dreaming of getting married since I can remember. And I only get depressed while watching wedding movies and such things. To me I feel like he should have already asked me to marry him. People can be engaged for years. I've brought this topic up before to him, and he replies with..."I want to do things the right way." Sorry but we already had a baby....and I don't need a 1ct. diamond engagement ring or a fnacy wedding....and he knows this. I feel like he's just using that as an excuse to stall things. I even told him I'm not going to wait forever. It's just sad when an ex bf come out of nowhere and asks me to marry him, when my own bf won't. What do you think?
2007-02-13 07:41:07 · 24 answers · asked by Mommy of 2 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I don't think I would be with him this long if love was involved. I do love him....more than anything. I just wish he would want to be as commited to me as I want to be to him. And I am 21 and he's 26...I just don't want to be taken for granted.
2007-02-13 07:52:09 · update #1
Having my daughter was not a mistake...I would never change that....she's the best thing to ever come into my life and I am greatful for having her in my life. So **** you people who think otherwise. She's only been a blessing.
2007-02-13 07:59:08 · update #2
From a guys point of view we sometimes have a picture of how things should be. Perhaps he is working towards something very special and that is how he wants it, for his wife and daughter. A little sacrifice now means more later. You need to be a little more patient with the circumstances. Remember a wedding and marriage if far more important to a woman. Generally speaking. That is why it's your big day. It's a hell of thing for a guy to not be able to provide his concept of how life should work out. We can feel like failures or second best. He cannot make you and your daughter happy unless he makes himself happy first.
2007-02-13 07:49:32 · answer #1 · answered by GoodWillHunt 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Whilel you can ask for people's opinions here, ultimately you have a decision to make that only you can make. Obviously you and your bf are in love, and I'm sure you both love your baby very much. Some people (not just men!) have commitment issues and when they think of spending the rest of their lives with one person they get scared. They may be scared of making the wrong decision, or marrying too young, or picking the wrong person, or what they might miss out on, etc etc. It my opinion it sounds like he is getting to have his cake and eat it too. He has you there, it's a great relationshiop but he hasn't had to make that almighty commitment. If you are not comfortable with your relationship staying at this stage, perhaps it's time for an ultimatum, just remember that he could say that if he has to choose between marriage and freedom, he could choose freedom. It may not mean he doesn't love you or the baby, it may just mean he's scared. Perhaps you two could look into some sort of counseling?
2007-02-13 17:13:09 · answer #2 · answered by Dawnita 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is trying to do the right thing. Maybe he will save and buy you a really nice ring, even if it is not that important to you. I really really wanted to get engaged too before I actually did. I had been with my b/f for over 3 years. I let every big holiday pass and I got more and more anxious. Then I finally just decided if I didn't want it so bad, maybe it would come quicker. One day his sister asked me if I wanted to get engaged soon and I told her no and that I wasn't in a hurry. He asked me 2 days later!! Completely surprised me too because I had quit anticipating it. I don't blame you for not wanting to wait forever, I felt the same way. Just give him some more time. He may have something in the works that you just don't know about. Good luck!! :)
2007-02-13 15:50:53 · answer #3 · answered by jenna11rn 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but it sounds like he has no need or want to get married. Girl, you know you have made mistakes - having the child without being married, and living with him. If you really want something else - marriage - you have to seriously change the track you are on. You need to move out on your own, be independent, and not be living with him. Date him if you want, and see how that goes. Otherwise, if you want marriage and he doesn't, it's time to cut him loose.
You are way young to have done such damage to your life so early, but if you are smart and mature now, you can fix it and feel better about yourself.
Honestly, don't move in with him. That will only keep him taking you for granted for way longer. Move out on your own.
2007-02-13 15:56:50 · answer #4 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't believe in giving ultimatums unless you are willing to accept the results. If you say you'd better marry me or else.....you'd better be ready to do the 'or else', otherwise you will never be taken seriously again.
You need to sit down with this fellow & tell him you want to be married, and soon, simple as that. I should think he would have done it for his daughter, if nothing else. If he side steps it yet again, I tend to lean towards him not being the kind of man you really want for a husband & would rethink this relationship.
I wouldn't move anyplace with him until I have this settled.....like a wedding ring.
2007-02-13 15:58:21 · answer #5 · answered by weddrev 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you should ask him to marry you. Maybe he thinks that the two of you can't afford to get married right now, which is a valid point, but it doesn't have to be a fancy ceremony. Just go to the courthouse. When he said that he wanted to do things the right way he may have meant that he wanted to give you the big wedding he feels you deserve, or he may not reel "ready". You have to talk this out and tell him that it's important to you to have a complete family. Don't wait for him to bring it up.
2007-02-13 15:46:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You really can't make men make up there mind about marriage!! Men are hunters and when they are ready to married the will!! I have a question about a few things you all lived with your mother!! You all have a nine month year old daughter!! This man may have alot of growing up to do!! Get married is easy!! Staying Married is only for Real Men and Real Women!! Selfish, lazy, unmotivated people don't have what it takes for the staying power and commitment of marriage!! You may need to let him move out!! Because playing house does not bring you any closer to marriage!! Sometimes as women or really people in general!! We declare we want one thing in our life but all the decisions we make do not place us on that path!! You can't go back in time but you cana't fix where you are!! You need to expose yourself to who you are!! You need to not put so much empahsis on getting married and more emphasis on evolving as a person and accomplish some persoonal goals and not put so much emphais on him marrying you!! You may need to look at him from a different prespective. Is he a man that can handle the pressure of marriage, des he has goals for himself, your family, is he man of plans, is he a man of his word(obivously not), does he have intergirty, is he a man of vision does he finianically care for his daughter, does he own life insurance, is he saving for college, is he a man of actions or is he passive and not motiviate!! IT TAKES MORE THAN LOVE for a marriage to work!! Most importantly would you want your daughter to married a man just like him?? Don't get me wrong men are not perfect!! But I didn't list perfection!!! I list the common factors of a husband that can keep a marriage!!! You may need to really look at this situation form all angles before you are writing requesting for information to save your marriage!!
2007-02-13 18:09:02 · answer #7 · answered by sexychocolatecity21 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How old are you? How many months have you been alive? I mean you have known this guy 18 months is that really long enough to know someone??? Will a piece of paper designed by someone else really make any difference to how you to feel about each other.. Also why cant you ask him to marry you?
All the best.
2007-02-13 15:46:29 · answer #8 · answered by Rob 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You both need to sit down and have an honest chat. If he really cared, he will think on what you've said about how you feel, and come up with an honest answer. If not, he's may be just riding along on your dollar until someone sweeps him off his feet. My wife and I taked about marriage on and off for years before I was ready. The longer you live together and get to really know each other the better, so your part is not to be in too much of a hurry. My wife and I knew each other for 4 years before we got married.
2007-02-13 15:51:49 · answer #9 · answered by Dave 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You just responded with what I was going to tell you. He probably wants to get settled in a new place of your own, get established. But, if you keep nagging him, he will eventually tire of it. Don't force someone to marry you. Let him try and do things "right by you." Even if you said you don't want anything fancy, maybe he wants it special for you. But, you can't tell me you don't want something nice with you dreaming forever about a wedding. I can't believe you gave him an ultimatum like that when he's trying to get you all settled in a place of your own.
2007-02-13 15:45:49 · answer #10 · answered by Groovy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋