The guy I'm living with doesn't want a commitment, but acts as though we are in a committed relationship

Question

We have been living together for six months now. We've helped each other out with various things in life such as laundry, rides, bills, gas money, groceries etc. He started to get very protective over me and questioned every minute of my day. He didn't want me to see or talk to any other guys except him and I was the same for him. I got a text from a guy that I hadn't talked to in months and I've known him for years. He flipped out on me and thought I was being sneaky. I was upfront about the test when I got it cause he was right there-it was no big deal. We have argued for a week now. We were getting so much closer to each other when that happened and now he won't look at me or talk to me. It feels as if he is trying to purposely hurt me, because he felt betrayed. We care about each other and I do love him. How can I make him understand that I really do love him and the text was a surprise. I feel that he loves me by his words, actions-the little things, but is denying it

Answer 1

He does not want to lose his good thing, so he overreacted in order to keep you on the short leash. He is punishing you because although he won't commit, he wants to have control over you. I do not feel that you are sure or secure of his love for you because you said that you feel he loves you. You need to be free and have your separate living arrangements if possible. That will you enable you to get a better understanding of where he is coming from.I do not know what was in the text, but if it was harmless, then I do not see what the problem is. Make sure that you are clear on the message that he is trying to send you. Is it really the text message or is it a excuse to push you away. Only you can answer that. Good luck to you , follow your instincts no matter what someone tells you.Why would he feel a need to make a serious commitment when your availability makes everything so easy for him.

Answer 2

You started off your questions by saying your boyfriend does not want a commitment, then you went off talking about how upset he was about you getting a text from some guy. First of all, I do feel this relationship lacks trust. When he questioned you about this, and you reassured him that the text meant nothing and that is was just a surprise to you as well, it concerns me that he did not believe you. You must look seriously into the relationship you have with him and ask yourself why there is such lack of trust. If it is just in his character to be so mistrusting then you will have to come to a decision if this is something you will be able to help him over come if at all possible. Although it is not your job to fix him, He alone should be responsible for what he says or does. Just to add a comment about asking why he does not want to commit. I have said it once, I have said it a million times, men usually will not commit when there is no incentive to do so. Since he has all the fringe benefits of marriage, why get married? Think about all I have said and my very best to you.

Answer 3

Reality check for both of you....
This could end up messy. Ask if he is ready to move forward. Are you ready to raise children with this guy? 6 months is nothing compared to explaining to your kids why you lived together had kids and they have no father at home because neither of you were ready. Think long term and if he can't see that far stay focused for you. Life says sex=procreation so as he lays it down remember the value of what you are sacrificing for someone who may not be there in another year. Love is only an emotion......it can come and go and it is wonderful but "playing" married is different than being.Sex always has the same result.

Answer 4

Well this is kind of hard to do when you did nothing wrong and he's tripping . I think you should text the boy in front of him and tell him that you do not want to be bothered . I'm sure this will hurt your friend but you have to understand if you are willing to stay in this relationship this is what you need to do . Also go out and get a card that may express the way you feel about him truly . I think you need to talk to him about being so jumpy when it comes to other men . That would be a sh*** way to live life not trusting each other . Relax and enjoy life . GOOD LUCK !!!1

Answer 5

I see a lot of red flags here. First, you have greatly compromised your relationship by living together before marriage. Second, a man who is not willing to commit to a woman, is not worth wasting your time on. Third, his actions over this text message are childish and reek of insecurities. I think you need to step back and take an inventory of where this relationship is going. Actions speak louder than words, and he is not acting like life-time partner material. Fourth, he started questioning your every move every moment of the day. That is definitely a control issue, and should not be tolerated by you. It will only get worse if you allow him to control you now. You will eventually lose sight of who you are, and your significance will be found only in him and his opinions of you. ( His opinions may not be good, or may vary depending on his mood, and that will destroy your self-image). Please consider other options, like getting separate living quarters so you can both get a better view of where you are and where you want your relationship to go. Stand up for yourself, because you're the only one who will. Hope this helps.

Answer 6

Not sure what more he has to do to prove to you the 'love' feelings are all one sided. You seriously want to keep a guy that's this controlling? Gee...look what you have to look forward to in your future...timed grocery store visits....him checking your phone, reading your mail and email...sounds like a real wonderful life. Wake Up. Smell the Coffee. Get out and be thankful you're not married to this guy.

Answer 7

he must have been deceived pretty bad in the past. people that can do very bad things to other peoples mind are pretty devious and it may be very hard for him to trust anyone. there isn't much you can do about that except to try and get him help from a professional like a therapist maybe. if that is indeed what is going on.

Answer 8

If he trusts u thn theres no need for any of this nonsense (him being mad at u and what not) this is now imagine if u ever married him...I think u should wrk things out but ther r issues like TRUST that need to be comfronted.

Good Luck =)

Answer 9

He doesn't want a committment but, get's upset when you received a text for someone that you haven't talked to in months. He needs to get his priorities straight.

Answer 10

The guy's a control freak. You should run away now or it will only get worse. You'll end up a prisoner.