Single parents/military spouses...How do you do it?

Question

I'm asking this with respect. I am a married mother with two kids and a dog and everything usually goes smoothly until my husband goes away on business. Then all hell breaks loose and nothing goes right. This time it is an emergency trip to the vet. Really how do you do it? How do you keep it all together? How do you stay sane?

Thank you so far for your answers and support. I extended the question just to see who else I may hear from. Yes, I was just really, really stressed and decided that there just HAD to be a secret to getting it all right. Well, there is but I just couldn't find it. You all seem to have great confidence in your abilities and that is something that I really need to work on. Thank you all for your advice and support.

Answer 1

<<<----Army wife here. Lord what would I do without a schedule??? My life DEPENDS on it!! I am a stay home mom, so I do have a little free time in the day to get things done. But I have learned to STICK TO THE SCHEDULE, and to be thankful when husband is around to help out. In the mornings, me and kids get up, get dressed, eat breakfast and cross our fingers that husband can get home from PT in time to ride to school with us. That is a real treat!! In the evening, he can be busy so we just stick to the schedule and he joins us as soon as he can. He will be going out in the field soon for 3 weeks, then train up, then deployment. As long as we stick to the regular routine, we are good, even when he isnt here. It was my trick as a single mom working full time too. Doesnt matter what your profession is, schedule, schedule, schedule. Keeps the peace in our house when the kids dont have to constantly ask what time is it, what is for dinner (schedule for weeks meals posted), why do I have to do that NOWWWW??? And the answer will be....because that is the time we ALWAYS do it! Way simple!

Answer 2

My husband used to be in the military and now he is actually living in another city while I am finishing off the school year with our four children. Of course we all just deal with the problems but here are some of the things I do to make the time bearable.

1. Cook whatever I please--I take advantage of his time away by cooking things for dinner that only I like. I even occasionally go vegetableless (the shock the horror). Don't get me wrong my hubby is not one of those guys who won't eat certain things. He's just such a sweetie I hate to serve him stuff he hates such as yummy old eggplant.

2. Give yourself a night out--Make sure you plan on getting a babysitter for a day out atleast once a month if not two times a month. Use this time for a relaxing trip to the library, lunch with a friend etc.

3. Makeover--while he's gone is the perfect time to makeover a closet or room in whatever style you prefer! You can also manage to lose some of those old disgusting t-shirts of his in the wash or maybe the dog ate it? Hmm I can't remember.

4. Start a hobby. Hey after the kids are in bed the night is yours! This is the perfect time to get a little crafting or reading done. You can also enjoy all of those chick flicks you've not gotten to see lately. (You may have to have a little coffee with dinner!)

5. Queen of the house. He's gone and all decisions are yours. You get to decide what time things will happen. There's no waiting for him to get home from work or waiting for the game to get over before the trash goes out because you're removing it. The schedule is yours to play with so play a little!

6. Simplify. You don't have to be a great housekeeper, entertainer, chef, and beauty queen when he's gone. Run around in sweats all day if you like and boil some hot dogs for dinner. The laundry can sit in his favorite chair waiting to be folded. Oh yeah, remember that paper plates are our friends!

Of course we all love it when they return and everything gets all balanced out again but these are just a few of the things I've learned to focus on over the last 17 years of marriage while he's away.

Answer 3

My husband is deployed and I have a 3 and a 2 year old... and I'm due in two weeks! You just do it! You know you have no othe chioce, you love your husband very much so you support him, you love your children very much so yo utake care of them and play with them and teach them!!! Some days you feel like killing everybody who crosses your path, but you get over it!! You learn with time that some things are easier with him gone!! You don't have to make country fried steak with white gravy and homemade mashed potatoes.... the kids love hotdogs!!! You don't feel obligated to straighten your hair and put on makeup.... your husbands gone, yo uhave no one to impress! You can let the house go for a day or two... he's not around to ***** about it!! Yeah, you'd much rather have him but while you can't you can make your life a little easier for a while, for a little while you don't have to be the perfect housewife! You always have to try and be the perfect mother though! But I find that I have more time to spend with my kids since I'm not worried about making sure the whole house is spotless and an elabrorate meal is st least half way cooked by 5!!!

Answer 4

I'm a 26 yr old single mum to a five year old, I take care of my daughter am studying part time for a degree and fit in work to pay the mortgage and all the bills and support my daughter. You are very lucky to have someone there to talk to and share your life with. Be thankful for what you have daily. We all have different daily stresses just take it all in your stride and keep smiling. As for staying sane i don't recall feeling sane for a very long time!. Remember what doesn't get done today will be there tomorrow.

Answer 5

I think you hit on it in your follow up. Confidence that you can do it - and you CAN! Routine helps a TON! One of the things I INSIST on: nap time is right after lunch, all children must nap or lay quietly in their bed for at least an hour. This is my time, I need the break. I do this regardless of whether my husband is around or not.

From 2002 to 2005 my husband was working full time while attending law school for 10+ credits a semester. Some semesters he had a ton of additional things going on like moot court and law journal. He was next to never around. He stamped out Saturdays for us but that was the only time we could really expect to see him. In a lot of ways, life was easier when he wasn't around. I just knew I had to do it all and that there was no one else to pick up the slack. Not only did we get through it all fine we added two children (we already had 2 when he started law school).

Answer 6

You gotta have some me time too. I was a single mom in the military. I got to leave at times. The separations were harder than being there and taking care of my child. All the worrying. Get in with a good group of friends where sometimes you can take turns watching each others children. Or just for support and coffee or soda.

Answer 7

<<

Answer 8

You find a way. Times like that just cause you to pull out inner strength you didn't know you had. I have family close and that helps but you'd be surprised what you can do when you have to. I actually found my self trying to get everything done I needed to do without having to ask anyone for help, but I'm stubborn anyway.

Answer 9

I was a single active duty military mother for many years..... Courage. When you realize that 2 little lives are so dependant uopn you right now and that one day in the not to distant future they will be pulling away from you instead of pulling you to them.... savor every chaotic minute.... laugh at them.... these memories will be the ones you most cherish.


You keep it together because its your job, duty and responsibilty to your family. One day when they are much older they will look at you and say wow thank you.

Answer 10

You just do what you have to do. There's no choice in the matter, and you've got to provide a quality life for your child/ren...you just do it.

Keep to a routine. Breathe and don't stress about small things. If the dog needs to go to the vet, just take it to the vet. I don't mean that flippantly, I mean don't attach emotion to things that just need to get done. Just do them.