I went to a funeral of a girl who had been killed by a drunk driver. They asked some of her friends to say a few words about her. One guy got up and said, "Boy, she really liked to party. I want everyone here to go down to the river sometime this week and have a beer in her memory." Considering the circumstances, I thought it was rather crass. How about you?
2007-02-13 06:41:39 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
WOW. That's the definitely one of the crassest, rudest, most inappropriate things ever.
2007-02-13 09:27:06 · answer #1 · answered by Sandy Lou 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sort of, but no doubt this guy was under stress too, not everyone is at their best when they've just lost a friend. So don't take it too badly.
And if she really did like to party, then perhaps a party in her honor isn't a bad thing.... as long as everyone makes sure to arrange for designated drivers! I have known some people who probably would feel it to be a very nice gesture so don't judge too harshly, there's just such a huge difference in how people react to someone's death... how did the others present respond, especially her family??? That should make far more of a difference in how crass or inconsiderate this guy's comment was than our opinion, we who didn't know her and are just typing stuff sitting at our computers, miles away.
2007-02-15 02:21:38 · answer #2 · answered by Sheriam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her family probably knew her love of partying and therefore wasn't offended. She was killed by a drunk driver, she didn't kill anyone so even though it sounded strange, this person really meant well and just wanted people to remember her again in a special way, maybe she loved the river and beer, so really no harm done on his part. Funerals are about remembering a person and the life they lived, funerals are really a celebration of life and if this is who she was in life then so be it, go on down to the river and have a beer and think of her.
2007-02-13 07:47:31 · answer #3 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It was VERY crass. I am sure he did the best he could though, which unfortunately isn't quite good enough. People with frat boy mentalities should never be allowed to speak in public.
Hopefully there were enough people like you there to lend an air of respect and dignity to the proceedings and maybe it will help compensate for the idiot who spoke so foolishly.
2007-02-13 07:41:16 · answer #4 · answered by castle h 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to say something at a funeral, and sometimes you might think you're saying the right thing, and when it comes out, it sounds wrong.
They probably asked the kids to say something personal about her, and this was the way her friend remembered her.
And maybe she would have liked people to have a beer in her memory. I'm Irish, and we believe in the tradition of a wake...and we toast the dead person's memory.
2007-02-13 06:45:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm not sure I would have said that but at least he didn't say "Boy she sure liked to drink and drive."
It's really not the drinking that is the problem so much as the drinking and driving...
It was probably in poor taste though. Maybe the family or a friend should have looked over the notes of the speakers beforehand...
2007-02-13 06:47:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I had to think about this one for a second. It was poor taste. The thing is, the person who said it was probably thinking that is what the girl would want to do if the situation were reversed. Its just a case of opening of the mouth before the brain is engaged.
2007-02-13 08:08:25 · answer #7 · answered by SBirry 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's really appalling -- and clueless. I can only imagine the response. But don't worry about it encouraging someone -- there's nothing as effective as going to the funeral of someone killed by alcohol in making someone not want to drink.
2007-02-13 06:59:19 · answer #8 · answered by Corinnique 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That was very poor taste. Especially given the way in which she was killed and then having that guy try to glorify drinking? How rude.
2007-02-13 08:51:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there. Tragedy is difficult for everyone and I'm sure the person who said it realized later how inappropriate it was. Many people laugh inappropriately at funerals, feel guilt, anger, even joke at funerals. Coping mechanisms vary especially in a sudden death. Our culture doesn't prepare us for death. Forgive her friend and know he felt loss also.
2007-02-13 06:48:43 · answer #10 · answered by firestarter 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋