She says it was just once, about 18 months ago, before she met me. She also told me that it was a mistake and never would do it again. Now the problem is that they are friends since chidhood and they`re still close friends. I´m really worried about they staying together (know what i mean) if we have a fight or if i do a long trip and she feels sad or alone. Now I´m seriously doubting if should marry her. Hope u can gimme some advice. Appreciate it.
2007-02-13 05:24:01 · 24 answers · asked by rod 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Did you have any sexual partners before the two of you met? If so, why should she trust you not to seek out other lovers on those long trips or when the two of you have a fight?
It goes both ways. The fact that it was her best friend really shouldn't matter. Obviously, it didn't change their relationship into a romantic one, or the two of you wouldn't be together. It removed any curiousity there might have been, so you won't have to worry about that in the future.
Let bygones be bygones. She was honest with you - don't punish her for it.
My partner and I both have former SOs with whom we're friendly. In fact, we frequently hang out with one of his ex-girlfriends, and we kept another's daughter for part of one summer when she was having trouble with childcare. We've been together for 9 years, and none of them has ever been a threat to our relationship.
2007-02-13 05:33:53 · answer #1 · answered by TechnoMom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a tough situation, but the first thing I would do is postpone the wedding.
Obviously you have known this lady 18 months or less, and that apparently is not long enough to feel secure in your relationship with her. It sounds like you are not convinced that this will not happen again, and stepping into a life-long relationship with such doubts is just asking for trouble.
It's true that she has only done it once,....so far. But, if they have been friends since childhood and only recently became intimate, you may want to know what triggered this event. How does she currently feel about this "friend"?
If you can't trust your wife during a long trip, then you are not ready to be married, or not marrying the right woman.
I can't advise whether you should call off the engagement or not, but I would definitely postpone the wedding until you are 100% sure that you can trust her.
Good luck.
2007-02-13 05:32:51 · answer #2 · answered by Surfer Dad 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
18 months ago and you are getting married already?? That in itself is a huge mistake!!! You don't even know if you really want to be with this girl for the rest of your life. Take it from someone who knows, rushing into marriage is the biggest mistake you could ever make.
Who cares if she has a friend. You never specify if it was a girl or a guy so that really has an impact on my answer. If it is a guy you need not worry yourself. She is with you and not him for a reason! Sure he may be someone she talks to, but if you are confident that she wants to be with you then the thought won't even cross your mind again. If you don't trust her don't get married. Of course if her friend is a girl then you should try and incorporate her into your Honeymoon plans and let both of them know this will be the last time anything happens between them.
2007-02-13 05:32:50 · answer #3 · answered by voodoo_lover_23 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
when you're going to Denver to work out your perfect chum ...why are you bringing your fiance? when you're fairly set on bringing him, have a communique with him on the vacation there, If the considered them having sex fairly does disturb you, communicate. enable him recognize it is unsettling. do not push down your emotions, it is going to all bottle up and then grow to be resentment. very comparable to distrust, Why would you no longer trust your fiance of 8 years? it is compared to he cheated on you. that would nicely be a thoroughly diverse situation. seem at it this kind, you weren't even relationship him even as your chum and fiance connected. until eventually he has cheated on you, he maximum probable cares about you adequate to be truthful. 8 years is a lengthy time period, i'm efficient he would not opt for to break it with drama like that. very last element, i recognize some adult males may have sex and emotionally detach. as well as women. It being so before i'm efficient seeing her will no longer fireplace up any "historic previous"
2016-11-27 20:28:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not fair of you to hold your fiancée's past (by this, I mean her romantic past. I mean, if she has a history of being a serial killer, you should probably pay attention to THAT) against her. She was honest with you that this happened, feels it was a mistake and says she would never do it again.
Now, if you trust her, you should have not problem believing this and should let it go.
If you don't trust her, then you should not marry her.
Period.
P.S. Do you not still speak to any woman with whom you've ever had sex? Or is that what makes you nervous - you know how you feel about these women, so you worry about how she feels about him...?
2007-02-13 05:39:18 · answer #5 · answered by kcbranaghsgirl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you had a reason to think she still wants to be with this guy sexually?
I had sex with one of my really good friends right before i started dating my bf. I must say that Just the fact of doing my friend was disturbing. However, I wouldn't do it again. Espicially since I am in love with someone else.
So I don't think you have anything to worry about if she loves you. You have to decide for your self if you trust her or not.
2007-02-13 05:31:45 · answer #6 · answered by Selena H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand your concern. But she did come clean and tell you, right? If she was the one who told you then I think she's pretty honest with you. Any doubts though, don't rush into it. I also hope that she understands your feelings about this person.Not real clear if her best friend is male or female.
2007-02-13 05:30:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're probably thinking too much of it, but if it bothers you, it's something that needs to be addressed or else you'll never get passed.
tell her that you have trust issues that need to be resolved before you get married. Ask her to cool things down with this best friend of hers.
2007-02-13 05:28:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It happened before you two met. If there anyhting that she does that would lead you to think this? If you cant trust her that maybe marraige isn't for you. I think you could trust her if she really loves you. I dont think something that happen before you two even met should be something to cancel a marriage over. Are you sure there isn't something else that you have a problem with?
2007-02-13 05:29:08 · answer #9 · answered by sydb1967 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're about to marry someone you've known for less than 2 years? Not too bright, sorry.
You always need to find out about earlier relationships before you get serious about someone.
2007-02-13 05:32:22 · answer #10 · answered by mikey 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋