How do I deal with something of that magnitude with my g/f, she has all the "feelings" I guess of it being something like that, She's very emotional and she's hinted that she knew I was "the One", when we got close and she wasn't nervous, and she regards it as being a horrible time in her life, I'm just trying to figure out.. how do I get a hold on things when she lets me know what it is.. I've prayed and thought about it ever since she told she wasn't ready to tell me something that made her uncomfortable and it was hard for her to trust someone and scared about what my reaction was going to be when she told me, umm.. our 1 yr. anniversary is tomorrow on Valentines Day and I know thats gonna be the farthest thing from our minds but.. later on.. she's gonna tell me umm.. yeah how do I manage get a grip on it ?
2007-02-13 04:55:07 · 19 answers · asked by JKR 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
once u guys start to talk about it then everything would be good. it wasnt her fault so u shouldnt feel uncomfortable near her, dont act weird to kill the mood, after all she feels bad about it anyways so do not make her feel bad even more. she needs u 2 b der for her so comfort her and tell her everything is going to be ok and that u r der now so that will never happen to her ever again.
2007-02-13 05:00:30 · answer #1 · answered by annawuvzchris 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is described in the bible as the forgiver of all things, It endures all things, trust all things, holds all things. If you truely love her and "let her know that you do" you will be supportive of whatever she has to say. I was abused as a child and I love the person who did it. I learned that you cannot change a thing by hating who hurt you, you just hurt yourself. The bible also quotes "He that is hating his brother hates God because how can you hate someone that you can see and love someone that you don't" (matthew 5:43; 1 John 3:15; 1 John 4:20) I know that these are harsh words in a way but they are true. One thing that you can do is tell her that you will always be there for her, to have her cry on your shoulder whenever she may need so. Talking and crying on someones shoulder is the best way to heal a pain like that. Though I was abused as a child, I have a husband that gave me his shoulder to cry on and we have been married for 22 years this comming June. I have two wonderful daughters that also I cry with. Let her vent her pain and you will see that soon that hate will go away. I hope that helps
2007-02-13 13:08:20 · answer #2 · answered by cherry5pie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand how you are feeling. My girlfriend was raped when she was 12 by her sister's boyfriend. She ended up pregnant and gave birth. The kid lives a mile down the road and it is (was I guess I can say now) an open adoption. She didn't tell me all this until we were very very close but I still didn't feel comfortable being with someone who has given birth. It's just a personal preference of mine I guess.
Anyways, we have remained together and it's been very difficult. She has a lot of emotional problems and it's really something that no one ever gets over. My best advice to you is to seek couples counseling and just keep loving her.
2007-02-14 12:35:16 · answer #3 · answered by Scully 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow... something like that can be life changing, try to sit down and have a real converstion about it, with no interuptions, show her that you really care about what she has to say. She will tell you when she's ready, if she thinks that you're "the one" then she will tell you eventually, just give her some time. Don't force her to tell you just make sure that this secret doesn't ruin your relationship. I hope that you guys had a great anniversary.
2007-02-21 11:04:11 · answer #4 · answered by sunshineangel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for her do not look down on her for anything and do not blame her for anything...if she doesnt want to talk about it dont force her to....just be there and tell her you are there now to protect her from all harm and that you will never let something like that happen to her ever again....tell her how sorry you are for her pain and misery that she suffered as a child and most of all what everyone wants to hear when things go wrong....just tell her it is going to be ok...now that your there....good luck and i feel for your girl and you...you are a good man sounds like and hope yall make it happily
2007-02-13 13:00:57 · answer #5 · answered by LUCKYGIRL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how she feels cuz i went through a similiar thing with a family member.and it,s never easy especially when it comes for that time to become intimate.she needs seek help from a counseling center to help her deal with this issue.the best thing u can do is stay by her side and support her,be patient.sometimes praying is not enough,u have to put or make an effort to recover.also u need find out if her parents are aware of this cuz they need to seek help for her.I wish u both lots of luck,god bless.
2007-02-21 11:39:49 · answer #6 · answered by Baby Doll 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep calm, and relax. Be understanding towards her... she's obviously been through a rough time and needs all the support she can get. Don't judge her. Be there for her. She needs you. Give her lots of hugs, cry with her... just be there for her. You seem like a really special guy and she feels comfortable with you already... She trusts and loves you, do the same for her...
2007-02-13 13:00:15 · answer #7 · answered by Me! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first i'm glad your such a good boyfriend to be concerned about her and you really want to help her through this instead of being a jerk and leaving her. first off she is going to need some kind of counseling to help her deal with all these feelings going on in her. because things like these do interfere with relationships at one point or another. a counselor will help her confront her demons and learn to overcome them. so if you can hang in there and just be there for her when she needs you it will strengthen your relationship alot!! i'm glad your praying and asking God to help you through this too. i'm a christian too and i have been through a similar experience myself so i know what worked for me. i love the Lord and know that he does heal all wounds with time and faith in him. he will never leave the two of you and he loves you both and he will get you through this!! don't give up and don't stop praying!! bless you both and feel free to contact me if either one of you needs to talk.
2007-02-13 13:07:24 · answer #8 · answered by onyx maiden 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for her, listen to her, hold her if she starts crying. If she has a hard time talking about it, or you don't feel comfortable talking about it, change the subject. If it gets too out of hand have her talk to someone about what happened. Hopefully talking to someone will help her and you deal with the situation.
2007-02-13 13:00:25 · answer #9 · answered by Jaime A 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep praying. She will tell you what she wants you to know. If you have that suspicion, don't ask her. Like you said, it's a very bad time in her life and it's something that she is going to have to get thru again just to tell you about it. When she does tell you, just be supportive, that's all you can do...keep praying!
2007-02-13 12:59:17 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋