We have been together for 3 years, lived together for 2. I am not questioning that we love each other, this I know, but he is not sure that he wants to get married again. He had a marriage before that left him scarred to say the least. But he has been divorced for over 10 years! He is wonderful, attentive and charming and everything is great, thats why he would prefer to keep it the way it is. I am in my mid-twenties, and he is about 10 years older than me. His teenage son lives with us, and I treat him like my own. Not to say that its not hard work, we've had our struggles, but we are a strong family and I am very pleased with every aspect of our lives, except... we are not married or even engaged! I feel like I am sacraficing my time and my youth, for something that is not guarunteed. I am going above and beyond the role of a "girlfriend" and yet thats all he wants me to be to him. Am I the cow that he doesn't want to buy because he is getting the milk for free?
2007-02-13 04:24:22 · 17 answers · asked by B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
hmmm how do u know that he's not gonna propose? u know what for a couple like u talking about the future shouldn't be an issue and shouldnt feel like ur asking for troubnle, its not like u've just started dating....i say talk to him or imply it and be straight up with him if u want marriage or not....and being scared of marriage/divorce (him) that happened 10 yrs ago is not an excuse for him not to propose, SH!T happens and we move on
if u wanna be a wife and know what u want in life, u shouldn't sacrifice it, heck in this case u're like a wife to him
2007-02-13 04:33:31 · answer #1 · answered by zesty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly? Yes.
I know how you feel... I am also in my mid-twenties and my boyfriend is 9 years older. I have somewhat of an upper hand to your situation. I have already learned from experience that living together before getting married is a mistake. As you say why buy the cow when the milk is free! I refuse to live with my guy - despite my love for him. Your boyfriend is comfortable as things stand... why on earth would he change it? Unfortunately... you need to think about what you really want. If you are not happy without a proposal, then you need to make that clear. You also need to be ready to follow through and back that up. Ultimately, you may lose what you have... but if what you have isn't exactly what you want - you will be better off for it.
Otherwise, learn to live with it.
Remember that only YOU are responsible for YOU. Don't listen to what others say (including me) listen to what is in your heart and mind. Good luck!
2007-02-13 04:34:55 · answer #2 · answered by goldylox 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are answering your own question, you maybe the free milk but that doesn't mean that he won't ever buy the cow. If he wanted to be getting the milk for free, thats pretty easy these days so why would he stay with you. Ultimately, if he says he never wants to get married and have more kids, and that is what you want, thats when you have to make your decision. Pressuring him isn't going to solve everything. If you feel that you are giving to much then back off for a little bit and let him feel that you don't need him, then he might realize he needs you more.
2007-02-13 04:31:21 · answer #3 · answered by megan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have you asked him this does he know this is how you feel?
if not then why are you talking to us here at yahoo!
He should be the one you should be talking to i mean how else is he going to know that you want to get married!
if you can't express this to him then maybe you should leave him! no i'm being honest and truthfull! if you want to marry him then you should be able to tell him EVERYTHING like he did the first time and got screwed.. so be easy about it don't be depanding but bring it up.. or hints <--0h they don't work sometimes being blunt works best!
some hints!
oh what a pretty dress i could wear this to our low key wedding one day!
or just say
he hun... I was thinking and i know we don't talk about it much but do think one day we would get married?
or just ask him what do you want your next wedding to be like!
just talk to him
funny i have been with my lover for over a year and we have our wedding planned but no ring yet as we both stated there will only be 1 wedding in our lives and no deviorse!
2007-02-13 04:31:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does seem like you are indeed the cow giving out free milk. Here's my question to you. Besides the tax breaks, why get married? It seems that you two are doing what married couples do, just without the paperwork. Why complicate a good thing?
2007-02-13 04:32:09 · answer #5 · answered by Floss 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be that since you're going along with it- he thinks the situation is fine. Talk to him about your feelings and see what he's got to say. If he says he's still not ready, then I think you should tell him that you need to move out on your own for a little to gain perspective.
If he lets you, then you know it's done. It might be just the thing to jump start the relationship.
2007-02-13 04:28:56 · answer #6 · answered by 1912 Hudson 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him. Maybe he feels that because you haven't said anything about marriage that you don't want it. Tell him that you want to get married or you are moving out. His son is not learning good things by watching you guys live together without the sacrament of marriage. Tell him that you want kids (if you really do) and that your clock is ticking.
Good Luck!
2007-02-13 04:30:31 · answer #7 · answered by Jo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Buying milk... free cow..... remember?
He already has everything he needs without marriage- why would he want to change it?
If he really loved you, he wouldn't be shacking up out of wedlock with a teenage boy witnessing him treat you like a combination housekeeper/bed partner. That doesn't sound like a strong family to me, that sounds like lousy role models. I don't know how you can hold your head up or feel proud. Sorry.
2007-02-13 04:31:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you want children of your own someday (not everybody does), then you may well be spinning your wheels with this guy.
If he's had issues in the past and loves things the way they are now, then he has no reason to change things and upset the equilibrium. If you want things to change, YOU will have to upset the equilibrium and see where the chips fall.
Good luck to you.
2007-02-13 04:31:01 · answer #9 · answered by kcbranaghsgirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
easily? confident. i comprehend the type you sense... i'm additionally in my mid-Nineteen Twenties and my boyfriend is 9 years older. I truthfully have particularly of an bigger hand on your subject. I truthfully have already found out from journey that residing mutually in the previous getting married is a mistake. As you assert why purchase the cow whilst the milk is loose! I refuse to stay with my guy - even with my love for him. Your boyfriend is mushy as issues stand... why on earth would he exchange it? regrettably... you may desire to think of roughly what you quite need. in case you're no longer happy and not employing a suggestion, then you definately would desire to make that sparkling. you in addition to mght would desire to be waiting to stick to via and back that up. finally, you may lose what you have... yet whilst what you have isn't precisely what you p.c. - you would be greater valuable off for it. in any different case, study to stay with it. bear in mind that for the time of trouble-free terms you're in charge for YOU. do no longer pay attention to what others say (which contains me) pay attention to what's on your heart and ideas. sturdy success!
2016-10-02 02:01:25 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋