My girlfriend and I have been together for about 2 months now. Before we became girlfriend and boyfriend, we were friends for over two years. My problem is that we haven't really had sex yet during this 2 month period. To be honest, we tried three times. The first time I got way to excited and it killed something if you know what I mean. The second time, I had the same problem. The third time I was ok, but it went a little fast. It's been 3 week approximately since the last time. I want to talk about it try again, but I don't feel comfortable because of the past failures. She mentioned the failures herself. Now I'm nervous to even try now because of what has happened before. The passion has taken a nose dive in our relationship now, but we still spend lots of time together and enjoy each other's company. We are talking of getting married, but not till 2008. What can I do to get over this hurtle and start having a passionate relationship with someone I truely love deeply?
2007-02-13 03:27:44 · 18 answers · asked by Northstarr 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
First of all, you need to relax. Sex IS exciting, but controlling the excitment can lead to a much better overall experience.
I think you should simply discuss the following:
There's a real opportunity for the two of you to have some fun with this, but you need to trust each other entirely and you need to set aside some time... I'm talking about an hour or 2. Or, even better, rent a hotel or motel room for an evening of fun.
With that, when it's clear that you're both in the mood, start slow. Everytime you think that you're getting close to the brink... stop what you're doing. Make sure you both have discussed this ahead of time.
Trust me dude, if you're talking about getting married, then she's thrilled that you get that excited about her. BUT, I'm sure that she'd like to see that you have the willpower to manage your excitment and direct it in a way that it mutually enjoyable.
Each time you get "close," change positions. Stop. Talk a little. Find ways to chill out and relax. Maybe you could give her a back rub.
The key here is to freely communicate with your partner.
2007-02-13 03:38:24 · answer #1 · answered by Joe Bostonian 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are a little nervous about your performance and it's affecting your relationship. Don't think about how she is going to react, the mind can play games and affect so many different things in your life. You two really need to talk about this and be honest, tell her your feelings. If she loves you this can be worked out. If I was you, I would start with a physical with a Doctor to rule out any medical issues. After that, you might think about talking to a therapist (it could be your mind wanting you to perform perfectly and your body is not responding). I think it's a huge step that you are seeking help and I wish you the best. You can work through this and I hope the best for the both of you and Happy Valentines Day.
2007-02-13 03:42:45 · answer #2 · answered by Martini Babee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you set up a comfortable and romantic place just the two of you with music and so forth. Foreplay may be an option you should consider before you go straight at it. Most of the time we women enjoy the foreplay that gets you both there without having to think about it. You think too much. Be open and honest with the situation because that's the only way things could work.
2007-02-13 03:38:04 · answer #3 · answered by uneekqamar2004 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to start slow. Explore each others bodies first (kissing, touching, sucking) before u go all the way. If you are getting way to excited, spank it 30 min before u get intitmate with her. There is no way it will go quick that fast! This shouldn't be a planned activity, it should be spontanous if u are in love. You can get her in the mood by telling her that the only reason u go so fast is because she is the only woman who u loved so deeply and the passion for her gets u "over excited". If you can't get over the sexual hump then i would postpone marriage till 2010!
good luck!!
2007-02-13 03:35:34 · answer #4 · answered by stewiegrif27 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try sitting down and talking about it during a time that you are not planning on having sex. Make the talk a completely separate thing. Discuss your likes and dislikes. It's okay to be nervous, don't sweat it. For some couples it takes a while to find their 'sexual groove'.
You do need to communicate though. If you can't talk about this, what other issues will you find you can't discuss? Communication is a foundation to any successful relationship...if you don't have that, things won't last long or well.
2007-02-13 03:31:33 · answer #5 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you have erectile dysfunction (ED). It's a medical disorder and there are treatments available. You should talk to your doctor if this problem persists. As for right now, you mus try to relax. Don't worry so much about putting on a good performance and just concentrate on enjoying the pleasures of sex. Also, you could get your girl to help you. Ask her to go down on you before sex. If that doesn't get you in gear, nothing will.
2007-02-13 03:33:40 · answer #6 · answered by Subconsciousless 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have sex more often. My fiance was pretty quick when we first met because he wasn't having sex all that often. It happens, and I hope that she undertands that. The more you have sex the longer it will be. You could also try masterbating before trying to have sex. It will keep you going a little longer until your having sex more often. It's obviously not too big of a problem since your both talking about getting married. Next time instead of talking about it, do something romantic and maybe it will just happen.
2007-02-13 03:35:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can this question be answered when you tell nothing about the woman? A relationship is about how two people get along together, not just how one person acts toward the other. What happens around this time in life is that people start to think of their mortality and their unfulfilled dreams. They start to assess what they have accomplished and what they thought they would accomplish. Men are programmed to think about what external things they have achieved. Women are more focused on family and relationships. The so-called mid-life crisis is all about this. You need to delve further into how each person feels about their life before you can help them with this.
2016-05-24 05:24:12 · answer #8 · answered by Christine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are dealing with new sensations that you haven't had the time or experience to learn to control yet. The best advice for when you try agian is when you feel yourself getting to that point just stop...don't move or do anything till the feeling dies down and then start again...you may have to do this several times but you will go longer and longer between the starts and stops...
Good Luck
2007-02-13 03:33:40 · answer #9 · answered by lookingwesttexas 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
once the big head starts having trouble then the little head follows. it is a cycle that is hard to break. if it is going to get better then you two will have to talk things through and bring things out in the open. for there to be a real future for you both.
2007-02-13 03:32:56 · answer #10 · answered by picture 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋