My new relationship was well overdue. My lifelong friends waited 2 years to intoduce me to him. We hit it off and have had some very nice times together over the past 9 months. Ive met with the son a few times. Its awful when his son is rude to his father, calls him names, refuses to go places, enguages in property distruction, etc. I lose a bit of respect for Dad everytime I see his son treat him so and he does nothing about it. Please advise.
2007-02-13 03:16:25 · 7 answers · asked by LA G 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think you should stay out of it.....you shouldn't come between a father and his son....besides, you'll probably end up being the "evil" one in all this. Let them work it out. I know my brother treated my dad like crap and eventually my dad stood up for himself.
2007-02-13 03:22:03 · answer #1 · answered by Smiles 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all Congratulations on your relationship! Losing a loved one is hard on everyone- especially a child. Dad was left in a position in which he is the only authority figure. He might be afraid to reprimand his son because he doesn't want to push him away. It seems his son is dealing with his mothers death in a rebellious way. Do you blame him? The one person that was supposed to be there for him -always- has passed. It's not easy for him or his dad. I'm sure his father wants to be in control and would like to see his son happy and grow to be a productive member of society but all wounds take time to heal. His son will come around when he is ready- so long as his dad does not give up on him! If you really like this guy- the worst thing you can do is lose respect for him. He needs someone to be there for him too! If you want this relationship to work- patience is the key. It's not going to be easy but it will be worth it in the end! The Best of Luck!
2007-02-13 11:34:30 · answer #2 · answered by Butterfly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The father is feeling guilty and is unable to discipline the kid, because his mother is dead.
He is enabling his son to act out his anger and hurt right now,.
Loosing a parent is a very difficult thing and you should not be so judgmental.
Any person coming into his dads life would be a threat to him and also his moms memory.
He is raw with frustration and alot of other emotions.
His dad should take him to counseling so he can deal with his emotions about her dying.
This has nothing to do with you.
You are only a punching bag for him to let loose all his upset and rage at being left without a mother.
If you feel that he should smarten up and get on with it, you are not ready to handle this relationship as there are going to be many bumpy rides ahead.
If you and your new bf are really happy and want to make a go of it, then be prepared to take the back seat to his son. His emotions are the ones that are most needing his fathers time.
2007-02-13 11:46:46 · answer #3 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I married widower with a son. You CAN make it work.
What i noticed is how daddy lets things go, lets things happen. i think overall its guilt and the "poor baby" thing. his son has been allowed to behave in any way he sees fit. whether he lost his mom or not, there is NO excuse to allow that kind of behavior.
if the kid is truly angry, he needs some kind of counceling. there is nothing wrong in suggesting that. if you and his dad are really close and really have a good relationship that you could see going somewhere, then yes, you need to say something. if not and you two end up together, this kid WILL affect your life.
perhaps sitting down and telling the dad about what you see and your concerns. my husband is very defensive about stepson, so its all in the wording. if this is something that is really an issue for you, you MUST say something.
i have been where you are--my stepson is 14 now and there are still issues, but my husband has slowly come around.
2007-02-13 11:31:03 · answer #4 · answered by buffywaldie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can make it work, if you want to. My fiancees boys are somewhat rude to him and what I term as lazy. I've lived with them for 4 years now, I won't say I've kept my mouth shut about some things that have taken place but on the whole I try to stay out of it. When it gets pretty loud I just make myself scarce around the house until it cools down.
2007-02-13 11:36:50 · answer #5 · answered by sassywv 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sure the dad has done things to make the son so angry. My advise is don't get involved and mind your own business.
2007-02-13 11:51:07 · answer #6 · answered by Rachel Bitchface 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you need to stay out of the situation; dad and his son need to work out their issues, not you. I know it's hard, but you need to let him deal with it by himself. If you get in the middle, it will only create more problems.
2007-02-13 11:22:07 · answer #7 · answered by grandm 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋