Cross posted.
I really need advice. I didnt want to expose my personal life but I feel I have to at this point.
I love my son. I have always tried to guide him and love him best I could.
Somethings wrong. He is failing out of school. His grades were never perfect but never this bad. He has been late more than 10 times for school this year. Now I am finding "dirty" words written on his notebooks.
I recieved a call from the principal yesterday. He said my son drew a very dirty picture on his desk! It was a picture of his teacher doing obscene things.
I took away his gameboy etc. I made him write an apology letter to the principal and teacher. I also made him write 10 pages of "Im sorry for drawing an innapropriate picture."
I have tried to ask him if there is something else wrong and he says no. Im so sad about this.
2007-02-13 02:59:18 · 8 answers · asked by rybo510 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Don't be sad, it is an eye opener. Your son is at a sexual point in his life and he is ready to explore. He is also trying to communicate in his own way, letting you know what is happening to him on the inside. His mind in not focus on education at this point, it is more so on girls and sex. Face the fact, he is growning up and until he experience what he want he is gonna continue to beg for attention. But it is not your attention he wants! Give him time, he will wake up.
2007-02-13 03:06:29 · answer #1 · answered by ressie re 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is obviously something very wrong -- as you are well aware. You need to get down and get serious with your son -- and do not accept anything but the truth.
You are being way too soft on your son. You are a kind soul who has a difficult time with confrontation -- but now you must force this issue to a head. You both need resolve. Your son's future depends on you. Now is not a time to be sad -- it's a time for resolve. Put yourself in that mode and don't look back. Sad won't cure anything -- resolve and effort will.
Sit down, be affectionate, caring and loving YET BE FIRM. Tell your son you are going to get to the heart of this matter no matter what it takes. You've got all the time in the world (do it on a weekend), and if he chooses not to cooperate -- there will be consequences (and mean it). The consequences are simple. If your son doesn't want to act like an adult -- and tend to his responsibilities, you will ensure he does. You (or someone you trust) will escort him to school daily as well as supervise his homework sessions nightly. Furthermore, he will loose free time to spend with friends, and he will instead get employed (if he is old enough) -- or he will get assigned daily chores. If he fails those, he can work at a soup kitchen with you every Saturday. The choice is his. Tell him so...
Explain to him in life, we all have to be responsible, deal with our problems and move forward-- because when we don't -- when we sit idle or wheedle away the time -- we pay consequences.
Talk to him: What if you decided to slack off at work like he is at school, and YOU got fired? You'd loose the house, your car, you wouldn't eat, he wouldn't get clothes, money for fun, etc.
Best wishes!
Have you investigated drugs? Could he be into drugs? If you don't have an open-door policy to his bedroom, now is the time to start. It's also a time to have a good look around. You are NOT snooping. You are looking after him with care and love! He is harming himself and you need to know why.
2007-02-13 11:48:29 · answer #2 · answered by Eyes 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously there is something going on in your son's life that needs immediate attention. Usually in situations like yours where the child's behavior takes an abrupt negative turn, indicates some form of abuse, drugs or mental disorder being experienced. Sudden loss in the child's life such as divorce or death of a friend or family member can also lead to these changes. The fact that your son tells you there is nothing wrong means there IS something wrong and he's afraid to share his thoughts or unable to articulate. Guilt and shame are not uncommon feelings children possess. If you're getting nowhere in your efforts to communicate, don't waste anymore time. If your son broke his leg or came down with a high fever you would quickly have them taken care of. The same should apply here.
What ever you decide, be sure to tell him you love him.
2007-02-13 11:34:58 · answer #3 · answered by MrTwister 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Peers that your son is around may be a factor. Is he depressed? Make an appointment with his Dr. to have him evaluated. Talk to his Dr. or nurse when you make the appointment about your situation with your son so they can get him in soon. Probably best that you do this in a way as to not provoke your son because he is not talking to you informing you of what is going on. Often times a child will tell his or her Dr. what they are not comfortable with about telling you. As they will a school principal or counselor. Talk to the principal and the school counselor.and teachers. Asked questions regarding his habits in school. Who he hangs around, study habits and assignments, his demeanor while there They all offered valuable insight and support. And this will also help the Dr.'s evaluation and assure proper treatment. I went through this with my children. Good luck.
2007-02-13 11:47:10 · answer #4 · answered by bountyhunter101 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Teens go through alot at their age and most don't understand what is going on inside of them and they get very confused about it. It is natural for kids at this age to act different and do things out of character for them. If you don't think he is failing due to trying out drugs or the like, it could just be his age. If he continues to dwell on "dirty" things, he may just be coming into "that age", but if he shows signs of it getting worse, have him talk to a counsellor to make sure there is nothing going on that should be addressed now while he is still young. Hang in there.... that's what gives you gray hair.
2007-02-13 11:08:23 · answer #5 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him by having a one-sided conversation. He will ignore you and try to talk over you but eventually he will shut up and listen. By this he should listen and eventually start being better but if this doesn't work I would suggest making him go to appointments with the school guidance councelor, that is what they are there for. If he skips those you should go to the guidance councelor and see how you can help him at home. If all this fails take him to the a phychiatrist and see what is up. Well hope it works. Good luck!!!
2007-02-13 11:05:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
what type of environment is he at at home and at school? if you and your husband use language or innapropriate behavior than you need to change your act. or maybe it's at school? try to find the best school in your area. and if it's neither than it's most likely his friends. do you know who his friends are and what type of people they are and who their parents are? if not then that's probably the problem. i don't understand how he could be late to school. it doesn't sound like he's able to drive so maybe you should take him to school if he's taking the bus. i think you just need to change the environment around him. and maybe get a tutor for his homework. or maybe you can help him out.
2007-02-13 13:43:45 · answer #7 · answered by Shookoolate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well im 14 and i know how parents are just give your kid(s) some space to all parent reading kids dont always want to spend time with you they need space to figure out who they are all these parents just guarding there kids at a young age all your doing is putting hem in for a big shock when they get into the world and they see all these things that you were trying to block from them so just give them space and when you want to talk about it ask them if they want to talk if they say no just leave it but let them know your here
2007-02-13 11:07:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋