This one is in my top 5:
Jeremiah Johnson walked into an outpost saloon in the Spring. Above the bar, he noted an old hundred dollar bill tacked on a yellowing poster that read "Yours if you dare".
Jeremiah asked Joe the bartender who spoke "... All one has to do is to down three tall glass of 'clearwater', then pull a bad tooth out of the 15' alligator out back in the swamp and screw owner fat-old-ugly Sally upstairs within one hour."
Jeremiah thought to himself that he had wrestled and slaughtered bears all his life, piece of cake. So he told Joe to start the clock.
Jeremiah promptly gulped down the three glasses of 'clearwater'. Smacked his lips a little before strutted through the rear door towards the swamp. Joe and others in the bar were stunted as splashs, croaks, gruts, crashs, hollers and bellows for the next fifteen minutes assaulted their ear drums.
Then there were dead silence. A couple of minutes later Jeremiah stumbled back into the bar in tatters. Finding Joe with his bloodshot eyes, Jeremiah hoarsely asked:
"Now where is that woman with the bad tooth?"
2007-02-13 03:56:48
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answer #1
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answered by sprinting_turtle 5
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A koala is sitting up a gum tree ... smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says.
"Hey Koala ! What are you doing?"
The koala says:
"Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they burn a few. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' an d is going to get a drink from the river. But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and
helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard:
"What's the matter with you?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into
the rain forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting
finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"
So the koala looks down at him and says:
"Shiiiiiiiit duuuude ... how much
water did you drink?!!"
2007-02-13 11:38:20
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answer #2
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answered by ♥ 5
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title:Bill at the Gates
Bill Gates dies and is up at the pearly gates.
St. Peter: Well, you've got a choice. Have a look around here. Pop down to Hell and see what Satan has to offer. Check us out, and then let me know your decision.
Bill has a look around heaven. Lot's of somber people singing hymns, praising the Lord . He goes down to Hell. There are beautiful beaches, lots of sun, sand, attractive women . Long cool drinks that never get you drunk. He loves it. He goes back to St. Peter.
Gates: Look, I know you're really doing good things here, but Hell seems more with it. More my kind of scene, you know what I mean? No hard feelings, but I pick Hell.
St. Peter: No worries. You've got it.
Bill finds himself back in Hell, neck deep in fire and brimstone, suffering eternal torment. He can't figure it out.
Gates: Hey! St. Peter! Where are the beautiful girls and long beaches and cool drinks?
St. Peter: Sorry if you got confused, That was just the demo version
2007-02-13 11:07:02
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answer #3
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answered by ? 3
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Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly,
made my lunch, grabbed my shotgun and the dog, slipped quietly into the
garage to load the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour.
There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I
pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather would be bad throughout the day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed
There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
She sleepily replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out hunting in
that ****?"
2007-02-13 11:02:47
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answer #4
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answered by ? 6
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there is a Blondie who goes to Best Buy and ask for a TV the person said i don't sell TVs to Blondie so the lady gets a wig and ask can i have that TV the mangers we don't sell to blondes so she get a black wig and dose the same thing then she gets a colorful wig and goes to the mall to get better clothes and then goes back to Best Buy and ask can i have the TV and the person goes and gets the manger and he says i don't sell to blondes and she says how do you now I'm a blonde because that not a TV it a computer. then she says then why didn't you tell me that and the manger says because you never ask.
2007-02-13 11:17:41
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answer #5
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answered by kell10 1
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A dad walks into his sons room and says son if dont stop masterbating youll go blind the son says dad im over here
2007-02-13 11:57:44
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answer #6
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answered by jew 1
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The cutest joke my 9 year old ever told was, "Your momma's so stupid she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl." That was funny because I never expected anything like that from her.
2007-02-13 10:57:03
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answer #7
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answered by Jayna 7
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1. Why did captain hook die?
Because he wiped his A S S.
2007-02-13 12:27:11
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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Why are blonde jokes usually one-liners...?
Answer: So that brunettes can understand 'em.
Cute.
2007-02-13 10:55:47
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answer #9
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answered by novembr 5
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Your mama is so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a tax refund!
2007-02-13 10:54:56
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answer #10
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answered by socmum16 ♪ 5
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