If you want to have children you need to wait until you can afford them?

Question

I have many friends who are waiting to have children until they feel they can afford them. When does that point acctually arrive when you look at your bank account and say yes we have X ammount of dollars here now we can afford to have a baby. Little people are a constant expense even when they grow into big people they cost you money, and then when they decide to have kids those little people will cost you money (will your children ask you if you can afford to have grand children befor they have them). In my experiance you can never save up enough money to have children. Having little ones is something you do on a "pay as you go plan", we have 5 little ones (there are twins in there) and we have never calculated what it costs to have them as to us they are "priceless" (cheesey, I know) . When we had our first baby we had nothing but some how we have always provide and managed to live quite well. Does anyone agree with me that you can never save up enough money to "afford" a child?

Answer 1

I always wanted to wait until I was financially stable with a house and a steady job in order to start having children. However, things didn't work out as planned and soon after graduating from college, I found out I was expecting my bundle of joy. Gone were the dreams I had of huge savings accounts and a nice house with a big yard. I still am, however, saving up money monthly for my son so that in case something (god forbids) happens to my fiancee or myself, we will have some sort of income to rely on. It was never an option of saving "enough" but rather the thought that I would be in a financial situation where I was "comfortable" and my child would not be deprived of anything crucial to a healthy life. Since my fiancee and I both grew up with parents who struggled to make ends meet, we wanted to avoid that. I think that in terms of money and children, you need to be able to have some money to fall back on during bad times while also realizing that material things are not always as great as teaching your child morals and values. Growing up, I didn't have everything I wanted or name brand clothes, but I grew up happy, and I know that's how I want to raise my son.

Answer 2

There appear to be two camps here, one that states "You can never afford children, so just go ahead and have them" and one that thinks you should save up until you can afford them. I am in neither camp.

You are right in that you can never really 'afford' children, they are enormously expensive, and the longer you wait, the more you get accustomed to having the very things you will have to do without when you have them. The concept of 'afford' seems to include his and hers SUVs in a McMansion with private school, and the amount you spend does not have to reach this level. This concept may have evolved from people who waited to have kids, and just got used to that kind of lifestyle.

On the other hand, there is very much such a thing as too soon, and the concept of just "go ahead and do it now because we can never afford it" has serious flaws. First of all, children are the largest strain on a marriage. You do *not* need financial woes to exacerbate that effect. Since couples fight most often about money, setting yourself up for those fights seems a sure road to single parenthood.

Plus, there are some definitely wrong times to have it. Still renting? Think you might want to go back to graduate school? This may not be the best time to parent. While you will never have quite enough money, it is feasible to reach a time when you have 'all your ducks in a row'.

The last thing to be considered is waning fertility. If one is reaching her mid to late 30s, it might be time to start aligning your life, rather than waiting until it sorts itself out. Parenting is expensive enough without draining your savings for IVF treatments! If the 'right' time never comes, it is possible that one stalled too long, but it is also possible that you just didn't want children that much. Perhaps it is a subconscious way of avoiding that decision, or a way that fate works out your priorities for you.

In sum, while you cannot wait until you can afford them, you can wait until
1. Your education is done, or the last phase is underway,
2. You own a home large enough for at least your first child, and
3. You are really, really sure.

Answer 3

When can a person ever afford their children? There will always be wants and needs in that child's life that may seem realistic or just the latest craze. I believe a person is ready for children when they believe in their hearts that they have the patience to be a lifelong role model and friend to their children. If the person has issues about staying at home because they love to go out and party, or if the person is addicted to dabbling in drugs, then I'd suggest they get they "stuff" together before making such a commitment as to raising children. But back to the point, if a person wants a child and is afraid they won't be able to afford them, they sound like they've got a clue on how expensive things will really be, and should go ahead and have their precious little one.

Answer 4

I disagree. I think people should wait until they are financially stable to have a child, ideally. So long as you have a job, and can at least provide the basics, then you are fine. I believe, again ideally, one should wait until they have completed school to have a child. I don't think parents should be "young and fun" because that breeds a best friend relationship that can be disastrous. My mother was "young and fun" and that got me nowhere. She was too busy trying to be my best friend and relive her teenage years instead of being a parent. Thankfully, I had common sense enough to be the mature one while she acted like a teen girl while I pretty much raised my younger sister. Everyone is different. Maybe having a kid at a young age and living with your parents makes you happy. It wouldn't make me happy. It would stress me out and I would feel horrible because I want to have a family once I have spent time growing up. So what if I'm 26 when I have my first child? At least I will not be like my own mother and I will be totally self-sufficient. Also, older parents do not have a hard time identifying with their children. They know exactly what it was like being a teenager/child, and that is why they try to give them boundaries to keep them from making poor choices.

Answer 5

You know it's not just money we're talking about here when we ask if we can afford children. I had a friend named Lola who had ten children and she would come to our women's fellowship every week where we would talk about our lives. She shared with us how both she and her husband had thought it was a good idea to have as many children as possible, but now that the kids were older, he just never seemed to be around that much. He liked to hunt and fish on the weekends, and Lola had to manage the brood pretty much on her own. Somehow, that didn't seem quite right to Lola.

I'm 50 and have two college-aged children, and right now I am glad that we had two. Little kids ARE fun, but what happens later? My friend Cindy had 8, and she was a dedicated mother until she snapped a few years ago and left them to live with a man down on the marina. They're basically gypsies because they were home-schooled incorrectly, and do not have any vocational skills. Their father moves them around from place to place because he literally gave away the roof over their head for a chance to own a boat. My daughter has remained a friend to the kids and tells me that one of the oldest boys talks about suicide all the time because he doesn't feel fit for anything in life.

Another (dedicated) mother of four that I know, bemoans the fact that she is the oldest looking mother in the cub scout group, and has recently gone off the deep end searching for her youth with Botox and an affair. Her son already had been picked up by local police for joy riding, wanted to drop out of high school, and he found out about the affair. Not good.

It's the easiest thing in the world to procreate, but another thing to raise your kids successfully through to adulthood. Money is the least of the problems when it comes to whether or not one can "afford" children.

Answer 6

It's a personal choice. If we had waited, we'd never had kids. Not that we are poor, it's just like you said, how do you know when you have enough money? We always want something. May be a new car, new dinning room table or something, but now that we are pregnant it's like our wants have gotten a lot smaller. Having kids will change the way you look at money anyway. So maybe having kids will in a since make you feel like you have enough money. But if you are in doubt, then keep thinking and praying about it. You'll know when the time is right. It's between you and God and no one else can tell you what you should do.

Answer 7

People just want to know that they are financally secure before they have children there is no point where you look at your bank account and say of we have enough money to have children now but they do want to be able to look and say i have enough money to take time out from my job now or that they can afford to live in the lifestyle they want on one persons income if the other decides to leave their job to look after a child. It makes sense to know that you can afford to look after your children the way you want to without having to feel the pinch or worry about how your going to pay your next bill because your child need new clothes or needs whatever and you can afford to pay any unexpected bills that may arrise.

Answer 8

I think that there is never a "right time" to have kids. There is such a cost associated with babies that u can't save up for them. Mind u the only thing that can really truly make u ready is if u are financially stable. That always helps. I was 21 when i had my first child and i was so far from ready but i always managed to find a way to support my son. Its a parental instinct to do what is right for your kids. As i said at the beginning there never is a right time to have kids

Answer 9

I completely agree and also I think that the cost of having children at least in the early years is nowhere near as much as it is amde out to be. All you need are breasts, a cot, pushchair, toys and clothes.
It only starts to get expensive once they get older and demand more expensive clothes, gadgets, toys and of course saving for their driving lessons and first car, by which time your circumstances could have completely changed anyway.
I am speaking form the UK anyway I know in US people night worry about college funds and such.

Answer 10

oh yea. You can't save money to have children. Just doesn't work that way. For one, you never know what the future holds. If you save for one, and end up having twins....We have four kids and make less than eleven dollars an hour and I stay home with them. God blesses us and provides all our needs, and continually does that. I am able to stay home with the pay we have to raise the kids myself and we have everything we need and by the grace of God we are totally taken care of. I totally agree with you.