How do I explain things to my daughter about sex?

Question

My 10 year old daughter woke up in the middle of the night and come find out she over heard me and my boyfriend having sex. I went to the bathroom and heard her laying in bed crying and she told me she heard us, but won't talk about it. This morning she is being really distant and I don't know what to do or say! Any advice?

I want to add my boyfriend and I live together and we hardly do anything(sex). I waited until 4 in the morning so she wouldn't hear anything because I know our house you can hear things good in. She knows what sex is, I don't know how to talk to her about her mother having sex.

Answer 1

Be really honest about it, don't sugar coat it in cutesy language, she must know a bit about it by now - kids at school do talk. If you haven't had "the talk" now is probably a good time. She might be really embarrased about it, especially if she has gotten a message from somewhere that it is bad or wrong.
And I am soooo sorry about all of the puritanical judgement from the other respondents.

Answer 2

She is 10 and should already be aware of the basics of sex. Why on earth would you have a "boyfriend" in your bed when she is at home? She is probably embarrassed and is afraid that her friends will think you are a w@#$e. Believe me when I say that kids have no mercy and will say ANYTHING about each other and their parents. Talk to your "boyfriend" and make some decisions about your relationship (like no having sex at your home when your daughter is present) then sit down and talk to her...not at her. Be honest, frank, and as gentle as you can. You could make or break things with your daughter right now with this one.....good luck.

Answer 3

Poor thing. Those sounds can be scary to someone who doesn't know what is going on. It was very inappropriate and irresponsible for you to have a "boyfriend" over while she was there...especially when she was close enough to overhear. Perhaps you will learn from this yourself. Now you have to do damage control.

Well, if this was your husband, you would be in a better spot. Now you are going to have to be one of those "do what I say, not what I do" mamas. You need to let her know primarily that you were not being hurt, even though it might have sounded that way. You can explain that adults sometimes get close to each other, and although it might sound scary, it is really a pleasant thing for the adults. You will have to add that this is adult activity and that although mommy is doing this with a "boyfriend", it really isn't appropriate to do this with "boyfriends" until you are MUCH older. Remember, in 1 or 2 years, your daughter will be talking about boyfriends, even though she will only mean something like holding hands and talking on the phone or at school.

You've created a real issue. I advise you to clean up your act. Get a sitter and sleep over at HIS place, not yours and don't bring "boyfriends" into your daughter's life until they are about to become "husbands". I'm not saying you can't have a sex life...but be more responsible. You should be a parent first and above all else. I know that isn't the "politically correct" thing to say to you and all the "baby mamas" out there will disagree with me, but it's true never the less.

Additional Comments: As to "living together"...when you have children, you should be giving up your option to "play house" with your boyfriends. Live separately until you are willing to commit to marriage. Otherwise, you'll be playing the hypocrite in your daughter's eyes.

Answer 4

I have no idea, but I can't believe your boyfriend stayed over while you have a 10 year old in your house. What kind of message are you sending? We need to start teaching abstinence to our children. Sex is not just something you do. It should be special between a husband and wife.

If you knew your house carried sound, you are even crazier than I thought. Do you always sleep through the night? Don't things ever wake you up?

Answer 5

I even have an eleven year previous boy and characteristic had "the communicate" with him. I defined as in simple terms and clinically as i'd desire to....steerage sparkling of explaining something that would desire to be considered erotic ....if he'd asked nonetheless i might have replied unquestionably and as in simple terms as achieveable. probability is your daughter is super-unfold with one helluva lot greater suitable than you recognize, yet the place you come back into play is correcting all of the misconceptions youngsters her age have approximately intercourse, and instilling your morals (ie: premarital intercourse, saving virginity and so on) initiate with the basics, answer unquestionably, yet maximum critically enable her be conscious of there isn't any question she will't ask you...which you will consistently tell the certainty and that she relies upon upon you sometimes. lots luck....as quickly as you initiate it will seem lots much less complicated than you concept! :)

Answer 6

If she doesn't want to talk about it right now just give her time. Maybe she feels replaced by the bf or that her father is being replaced. You should assure her that you love her very much and that no man is going to come between you and her. She may have been frightened by the sounds, especially if you were screaming or making unusual sounds. Just make sure she knows you are alright and that she is safe. Let her know that whenever she's ready to talk about it, you'll be there for her.

Answer 7

Based on what you've added on edit, i think it changes the answer to - what are you doing with a boyfriend living in your house with you and your daughter? You're asking about sex ed - how you live is sex ed. Your lesson is not good.

You don't tell her anything. You say to her, "I notice you're upset, probably about the other night. If you need to talk about it, I'm here. You might want to journal about it. It's not unusual to be upset or confused or even really interested and embarrassed about being interested."

Answer 8

Kids are mortified to think of their parents doing anything that pertains to 'sex'. I would wait until she is ready to talk about it - let her get over feeling distant then approach her and tell her she can ask you anything that is on her mind. If she won't open up, the approach her and tell her you know kids at school talk about sex and you'd like to know what she's heard kid's say. Listen to her then answer her questions.

Answer 9

Wow! That's a dosie..Maybe if you were moaning loud or something she thought you were being hurt....I dunno...But just tell her this is one way adults that are in a relationship express their love for eachother and it's a beautiful experience when shared with the right person. But reassure her if it makes her that uncomfortable that you will be more careful...Maybe you should crank the tv or radio up if you're insistant on continuing having sex in the house. I don't know if you are serious with this guy or not...but hopefully you're not making a habit of bringing random boyfriends around the home with such a young impressionable child around....As for all the tight @$$es saying that you should be married....that's your decision this is 2007 and premarital sex isn't going anywhere....I'm just offering you advise...not judging you like some of these other "nay" sayers....I bet they've had pre-marital sex. And by the way.....this is coming from a married woman....Just be there for your daughter and be more careful.....best of luck!

Answer 10

from your talk i feel she is in a shock. it will take some time to solve it. i feel you should be careful next time. because you dont want your daughter to start having sex at the earliest. so lets some days pass by try to avoid your bf at home or in front of her for this week and then slowly start talking to her. may be she will understand since she is at a age either she will accept it easily or she might take some extra time... go with the flow. but donot repeat your mistake till she is not matured enough since it plays on their head mentally.