What to do ?

Question

Hi im suppose to be getting married this year, nothings been fully payed for yet only the deposits.
The thing is something is bothering me and i dont know what to to. My parents say they have the money for the wedding but recently i have been feeling guilty of spending all some of there money that they need for other stuff. Its all getting on top me and i was feeling selfish for using the money. So ive decided not to go through with the wedding. All the money we have lost for the deposits we will pay back. But i told my parents this and they werent to happy saying they want me to have the wedding but i cant help feeling guitly about using the money they need and i think i was even selfis for asking to get married. They say they have got the money, but i know its a big chunk out of it and they day the money will go in the end. But i know they wouldnt have a bit longer with money if they werent paying for the wedding. Do you think im in the wrong with this and being silly. Thanks

Hi, many of your answers has been to lower the price a bit. But we have we have all the cheapest we can find, we shopped around. But it still comes to the same amount. We even decided not to hae a church wedding but the registra and the civil ceremony are the same price as the church. Also it not about cutting back when your other half has a big family and you are expected to ivite them all. We have set a bidget and we are in our budget. But its still making me feel bad.

Ive worked it out and there is loads more to pay even though they would loose the money on the depsiots its not even half of what they would have to ay for the rest of the wedding and they will get the money they lost back.

I know what it was like before when they had no money, Then to having money and taking iot away from them seems wrong in my eyes.

Answer 1

i see where your coming from but you could be offending your parents by not accepting the money they obviously love you and want you to be happy and have a great day.

But i think you really need to have a think about how you feel about getting married and if the moneys just an excuse not to go through with it.
good luck x

Answer 2

Why do they HAVE to pay for the wedding? You probably shouldn't have cancelled everything because you don't get your deposits back when you cancel, now that money was spent for absolutely nothing and you have to pay them back so now you are giving away money. You should have let them pay for the deposits like they did and then you and your parents could split the rest of the wedding together. Plan on a cheap wedding like you did and cut it in half. That way you don't have to feel guilty because you will be putting your half in. You might want to ask yourself WHY you feel guilty and once you know you should confront them about it and talk it out. A wedding is a very important event and I'm sure they want to see you get married and be happy, don't cancel your wedding.

Answer 3

It's understandable how you feel, but you have considerate parents, and I think you should go through with the wedding at the time being (mainly due to the extra £ problems caused from loss of deposits).

1. With the extra things to buy for the wedding consider cutting back on the cost, and giving yourself a budget and stick to it.

2. When you are in a better financial situation, you and your H2B can 're-pay' your parents with a nice holiday, weekend away or something to show your gratitude.

Answer 4

When parents prepare for their daughter's wedding, they save up for this blessed event, and find great joy in spending that money on their "little girl". Your parents want to give you a wedding you will always remember, because that's what parents do. I have two daughters and we paid for their weddings with great joy. It was so much fun and I was filled with such pride when I watched both beautiful brides walk down the aisle to their husbands.

I have to wonder if you are having second thoughts about the wedding itself, about your commitment, etc. That is perfectly normal too. If you plan on following through with your wedding, stop telling your parents you feel badly about spending their money. This is a gift from them to you; a gift of love and joy.

I hope all goes well for you. Wedding days can cause a great deal of stress. Take some time by yourself to analyze what's bothering you (the real source, not the $$ your parents are spending). I'll bet it's just pre-marriage jitters. Annie

Answer 5

Well it is traditional for the parents of the bride to pay for the wedding and if they are offering then why not?? if it makes you feel this guilty why not say ok i'll let yous pay but its only a loan and pay them back and surely you've been saving some money yourselves for your wedding day you can use aswell i would assume you wouldnt of booked a wedding with no money to start with. just talk to them and try work it out as your still going to loose them money either way with the deposits.

Answer 6

I'm only a tad bit confused by the question, but I think the general point is you feel badly about using your parents money when they could be using it for something else. Okay, why not have th wedding, but just scale it down. Instead of a big church wedding and reception, just have a small backyard barbeque. You can have a nice event for $1000 tops.

Answer 7

Not getting married is the smart thing to do, but not for the reason you are saying. Part of being a parent is sacrificing yourself for your child and it sounds like your parents are willing and able to pay for this wedding for you. Its probably just pre-wedding jitters and it will get worse as the big day approaches. Take a big deep breath and push on with your wedding if you want to get married.

Answer 8

You are thier daughter. If they want to spend the money on you - let them do it. Some parents that can afford to do so, feel it;s thier 'duty' to pay for the wedding of thier daughter.
If you feel guilty - why not pay for some of it yourself?
My Dad was not in a position to be able to afford to pay for my wedding, so we paid ourselves.
Maybe you could come to some kind of compromise where they still feel they are paying for thier daughters wedding, but you feel you have contributed and are helping out with costs.
Don't cancel your wedding though - that is the last things your parents will want. Anything can be sorted if you really put your mind to it. They will want you to be happy and imagine thier hurt if you go through with this cancelation.
Good luck x

Answer 9

First I want to say that your outlook is VERY refreshing, you dont see many brides with this kind of attitude.

BUT, I have two daughters of my own, my husband and I are very much looking forward to throwing 2 weddings just the way our daughters want when its time for them to get married. We have made provisions for it and though we know by the time its their turn to be married, it will be quite expensive, we wouldnt want to take away the joy of a wedding day for our girls. I would imagine your parents feel the same way. Is it going to be alot of money:Yes. But it will make them happy to see you have the wedding for your dreams and the money isnt worth the smile on your face that day. I would reconsider your decision to cancel, especially if your decision saddened your parents.

Best wishes!

Answer 10

It's very noble of you to want to let your parents keep the money, but you are getting married. Most parents save money for this reason, because they are happy to see their children happy. Parents (usually) want the best for their children, so they are happy to give up the money for a wedding. If you are concerned about it, perhaps you should opt for a smaller wedding, or, secretly put aside some of money every year in case they ever need it.