I have been with a man for 4 years who I am used to mas he is my first love. He is occasionally abusive to me and has attacked me in public previously when drunk. we where always best friends until two years into the relationship when he started controlling me and having alcohol bingedrinking problems. I have met a man who I know I could love and is so nice to me, everything I want, but I feel bad for ending this current realationship as he is borderline personality andf could do something to himself, but if I stay he will always do things to hurt me like threatening me when he is paranoid.This may sound weak, but I feel sad about leaving to cope on his own.
2007-02-13 01:57:52 · 7 answers · asked by Abigail 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Leave right away and sever all contact.
This man has a problem that can be treated to some extent, but not fixed by you. You will not be able to convince him to seek treatment, he has to figure that out on his own.
Boarderline personality disorder is a problem that should be pitied, but you should not involve yourself with someone who has it and is not voluntarily complaint with treatment. It is within this person's nature to be emotionally abuse, manipulating you with guilt and drama. You say that he is also attacking you. Despite having an illness, he is not insane and is responsible for his actions. He is choosing to hurt you, even if it's because he has strong emotions brought on my his problem. His unwillingness to control his emotions and actions are his fault, and not yours. He is not a person who should be in a close relationship with anyone until he sorts out his own crap and decides to find better ways to deal with his problems. I repeat, he is choosing to hurt you.
I would also warn against getting into a new relationship until you recieve treatment for the damage this person has inflicted on you. Truthfully, you are probably not able to really tell if your new boyfriend is a good fit for you or not. You're comparing him to an abuser.
Please take care of yourself.
2007-02-15 06:28:24 · answer #1 · answered by MaryBridget G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1: Next time he beats the s**t out of you, think about whether or not you want to leave him.
2: You leaving might snap him out of his bingedrinking problem.
You're not weak, you're sensitive and because this is your first love, you feel that there will never be another one if you leave. The chances of your first love being your true love are about as likely as hitting a bullseye blindfolded while standing on your head. Do not let him be abusive to you, for there is a very thin line between sensitive and submitting. DO NOT LET YOURSELF CROSS THAT LINE. If you really want to, try to get him into AA meetings when he is sober and help him through it, otherwise leave and go to the next "Prince Charming."
2007-02-13 02:07:15 · answer #2 · answered by Mehrunes Dagon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what i'd recommend is which you communicate on your cutting-edge boyfriend and clarify that saying and doing something is thoroughly diverse and that if he says he will replace then he has to or there will be no relationship to alter (or no longer) for. as for the different guy i think of he could be somewhat a weigh down and that i do no longer see any style of foundation for a relationship, before everything you're purely youthful and this guy would be going out assembly human beings in golf equipment and so on. secondly long distance is confusing sufficient once you're in love yet while basically commencing a relationship its a recipe for disaster. ultimately you're by no potential too youthful to fall in love me and my fiancee have been formative years sweethearts and we now have been at the same time for 11 years and that i could no longer be happier.
2016-11-03 08:23:21 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My goodness, are you willing to risk your life to save someone...who probably won't be saved?
I think you do not wan to leave because you have a need to be with somoneone. When you said you met someone you "know I could love" you are telling me that you've already made up your mind because you need to attach to someone.
Get out of the abusive relationship. Get into a safe house or home for abused women because you need to get safe and have a cooling off period for him and you.
2007-02-13 02:03:38 · answer #4 · answered by Wolfithius 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him. You might feel sympathy that he has borderline personality, but that's definitely not a reason to sacrifice your happiness (not to mention your physical and mental health). If you really want to help him out, refer him to a psychiatrist; but honestly, if he hasn't done that already while you two have been dating for 4 yrs and hasn't tried to remedy his problematic actions, it doesn't seem as though he cares for you as much as you do for him.
2007-02-13 02:04:07 · answer #5 · answered by whattodo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why in the world would you fel bad. You have to stand u for yourself. NO one, I mean NO ONE should go through something like that. You are your own person, who has her own needs and desires. You need to help yourself girl. Get out of it before it is too late. And if he is stupid enough to do something to himself, that is not your fault. He made that choice, not you.
2007-02-13 02:04:46 · answer #6 · answered by Linka 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about this guy. Anyone who really loves you would not abuse you. Its his problem. If he would have treated you right you would not have found someone else. Go be with the man that makes you happy.
2007-02-13 02:03:54 · answer #7 · answered by Jen_n_TX 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋