I'm a woman in her early 20s who doesn't want to have kids. Is this strange?

Question

I want to get married someday, but not have kids.
Many have told me I'm selfish, or I'd be a good mother. I just see no reason for having children.
To me, it's selfish to have kids to make your parents grandparents, or to keep a relationship together that will fail anyway, or to cheat the welfare system.
I don't have what it takes to be a good mom. I am mortified at the prospect of having to deal with temper tantrums, changing diapers, the birds and the bees talk and rebellious teens. If I did wind up becoming pregnant, I don't think I'd ever stop resenting the fact things didn't work out how I wanted, and I'd take it out on my child (like my mother did with me).
There are many things I want to do in life, such as going to Europe, having a satisfying career, owning a home, and helping those less fortunate than myself. I simply don't think being a parent is something everyone is meant to do. To those of you with kids who will tell me I'm missing out, I'm happy you're happy

Answer 1

The reason you meet with resistance is that you are making choices that are out of the box. Most people don't even thing that they have a choice to have or not have children.
I say good for you for having a brain and your decision is not selfish at all. I believe it to be more selfish to bring unwanted children into an already over populated world, or even wanted children into a world full of crime and pollution etc. etc.
My only warning would be to make sure your form of birth control is effective. My wife and I didn't want kids either but now we have an 18 month old. We went through all the resentment and poor me my life will never be the same. If you find yourself in the same position you can be a bigger person than your Mom and rise to the occasion. I would say that selfishness comes into play when someone doesn't care properly for a child that is here. I'm sorry your Mom was this person but you are not your Mom.
Stick to your guns and best wishes to you.

Answer 2

There is nothing at all wrong with feeling that way. As matter of fact it's the least selfish thing you could do. Just think of all those women who keep popping children out like they're puppies ~ love them while they're cute and can't talk back and then have another when the baby gets bigger.
One of my best friends in the world has got the same thing in her life. She's 30 now and still no kids. She loves to travel. She's decided that this year St. Patricks day will be in Ireland. My brother also decided not to have any kids. He's 43 now and seems quite happy. He is the best dog owner you'll ever see.
Think of the women out there who just don't pay any attention to their kids. You're NOT selfish!!!!

Answer 3

Okay, if you fell that strong about it, don't do it. You can do all of that and still have children so that's not an excuse. I have a career, I've been to Europe, I own a house, and I helped Hurricane Katrina victims, while at the same time being a single parent. I'm not trying to change your mind, cause I'd rather you not have kids if you feel like they would alter your life. When I was your age I didn't want kids either, but priorities change. Now I wouldn't trade my daughter for the world. Use birth control or get your tubes tied.

Answer 4

Everyone is different. Having kids is not for everyone and you may change your mind. I am 29 and pregnant with my first and when I was in my early 20's I did not want kids either. If you decide someday that you do want kids you can still do everything you want. I have been to Europe 3 times, South Africa and many other places, I have owned 2 homes, one on my own and many other things. Just keep your options open and everything will work out the way it is supposed to... :)

Answer 5

I don't think that that is strange at all. Some people were just not meant for kids. I have a dear friend, he is 49, married for 20+ years. He does not have any children. There is nothing wrong or selfish about not wanting to raise children. Everyone is different. People's dreams vary, some dream for vacations overseas, some dream for dirty diapers and first steps.

I cannot wait to become a mother.

I honestly understand your point, regardless of my hopes.

Answer 6

Well, of course your missing out...on all the things you don't want to deal with, temper tantrums, diapers...the birds and the bees! I say to each his own. Your friends might be right, you might be an awesome mother, but if it's not how you feel...then I suggest you stick to your guns! If you want to be around children...try being a case worker / family support guide / therapist...get your traveling / career / etc done and then think about it then! You might change your mind you might not! At least you have your head on your shoulders and have thought about your future!

Answer 7

It's every person's own right on whether they want children or not. I'm a 22 yr old single mother of 2 little boys who I love and cherish with every part of my being. But I congratulate you for being honest and standing up for the fact that you dont want children. There is nothing wrong with pursuing your dreams even if children arent in the picture and there are plenty of men out there who dont wants kids either. Good luck with your future and dont worry about other peoples opinions as long as you know what your doing is best for you it doesnt matter what other people think.

Answer 8

there is absolutely nothin wrong with the way u feel!!! i think that most young moms end up being a little resentful because they werent able to do alot of things that wanted to do. if u know that there are things that u want to acheive in life b4 kids then u should do as much as u can!! U GO GIRL!!!! i do have 2 wonderful kids that i had kinda young. i did miss out on alot, at first i was resentful when i saw my friends doing their thing but i do know that i have a blessing and that one day i will have my chance. i'll b the 40 yr old living it up!! lol....

Answer 9

I don't think you're selfish at all. I agree it's more selfish to have kids for the wrong reason. There is no bigger commitment in life than being a parent. Trust me, I have two kids. I love them more than life itself, but they can be exhausting! You just have to blow off those people who judge you for your choices. We're all on this earth to make our own way. You are still young. You may change your mind or you may not. Enjoy your life, no matter what your choices are.

Answer 10

You know what, if you have thought about it and YOU feel like that being childless is what you want, then it is the right choice for YOU. I have 6 children because that is the right choice for ME. Not for anyone else.

Some good things when people react... BUT KIDS ARE SO GREAT!!! bla blabla... Yes they are and I am lucky enough to be able to visit yours or my aunts or my *other relatives* whenever I want!

But won't you be LONELY when you are older... Na, I have a ton of family and hopefully my man and I will grow old together. I wouldn't want children to feel burdened to only visit me when I was older just because I was old. Thats just silly. I will have plenty of friends.

Flat out tell them, I am really into me at this stage and I don't see myself changing to be able to accomadate another little person so I leave the repopulation to other people out there. :)

Good luck getting to Europe!