Does my mother hate me and why???

Question

My mother and me seemed to be very close until I turned 16 and she married a new man, who despised me and made up lies about me. When I was 18, I graduated HS and her mom got sick. So I moved in with my granny (we have been close my whole life) to help take care of her (she lost her arm and was put on a vent) and papa helped me get into college. Since then, 4 1/2 years, my mother has not called me ONCE. -not even on my birthday- She didn't even come to my college graduation, just because it was a long drive or something. (But I drove it numerous times to help take care of my siblings.) I don't do drugs, I drink maybe 1 margarita a month, and I am now a certified teacher in the state of Texas. I have done something good with my life, I have good friends and I have a good heart. So, why does she hate me? Why won't she call me? And then to top it all off she just told my grandmother last night that she doesn't regret it and that I have nothing to give her. ....so....why?

Answer 1

I'll be blunt. From my point of view it sounds like your mother is one of those women who will do anything to have a man in her life, even when that man badmouths her own flesh and blood. Instead of having faith in her own daughter, she sides with this guy when he talks crap about you. Unbelievable! It reminds me of someone who turns a blind eye when their child tells them they are being abused by a family member. She sounds very selfish indeed and to be honest it sounds as though you are better off without her. She is probably jealous of the fact that you have made something of your life.

Answer 2

That last sentence is a clear indication of what your mother's problem is - where she says you "have nothing to give her". You are her child - it is not your responsibility or obligation to give her anything other than respect and love IF she earns those things from you - which clearly she hasn't. Thank GOD you had a caring Grandmother. Thank God you have done so well for yourself and are living a good life. I don't know if your mother hates you or not - but she certainly isn't going to be winning any Mother of the Year awards.

Sometimes when our Mother's aren't what we need them to be - we should seek "mothering" - or rather bonds of love with other women - like your grandmother, a mother-in-law, your girl friends. I'm so sorry that this is your situation right now. I hope some day your Mom wakes up to what she's missing by not having a relationship with you. Until that happens - I hope you are able to find peace with this so that it doesn't bring you down - you're doing great in life and the loss is hers.

Answer 3

I strongly suspect your step-father is the issue. Perhaps she is that afraid that he will turn on to you. You say he despised you, and made up lies about you. So she is believing those lies. His reasons, as I have suggested, may be that he would really rather have the daughter than the mother.

Many women get really crazy when they get near menopause, which your mother apparently is. They start to freak about the prospect of losing their sexuality, their allure to the opposite sex, their sense of being feminine. She may indeed wake up one day and realize she has alienated her daughter for no good reason.

Or the step-father may leave her and she will know then that he had lied about you.

You need to be patient. Don't wring your heart over what you must assume is a temporary insanity on your mother's part. Send her a birthday card, a mother's day card, even a Valentine if you want, but don't expect anything from her. The fact that you send cards will remind her that she has not done so, and in fact she may be prepared to get over her problem now that you live further away.

The line about you having nothing to give her . . . has she always been a selfish woman, a materialist? Because that's a horribly cynical thing to say about ones own daughter.

Answer 4

Wow.. she sounds like she has issues.. Maybe the new guy said lies women cannot stand to hear about you like you were coming on to him.. flirting etc.. but still your mother should have believed you if she trusted you before she should have then also. You say you have siblings so she wasn't rejecting you because of a mid life crisis where adults sometimes Ignore older children and start over, believe it or not this happens alot. If you feel you've done abosolutley nothing to deserve this then its your "MOTHER" who will regret this later down the road. My father did the same thing to my brother and He did in the end. Good luck and don't blame yourself, you still have other family members who care and love you.

Answer 5

No mother can hate their children,no matter what.Your mother married another man ,her priorities changed,but she does not hate you.She is keeping away from you , so that you are not hurt by the new man in her life,which will hurt her as well.Her conveying to your granny ,shows her frustration in life,at present she does not realize.Time is a big healer.
Your mother has deep guilt within which makes her say what she does and that is the way of her keeping in touch.Mothers do say much worse things even when they are a much loving family.
So,do not hurt,love your mother as any daughter would and she too loves you.HER HEART KNOWS IT ALL EVEN IF HER MIND DOES NOT SAY IT !

Answer 6

Your asking a question that no one but your Mother can really answer. What ever her mistakes may be right now, she must have done something right to raise such a nice young woman. You need to move on with your life. I know it is hard, and sometimes almost impossible, but you can't let her problems become yours. Or let them color your world. Someday she will realize what she has done and who she has given up....and will feel the pain of all the wasted years. That will be her problem not yours.

Go forward. Learn how to forgive and then let her go. Stay close to the people that mean much to you and are worthy of your time and attention. Enjoy your youth and good health....volunteer, find a nice young man worthy of you and what you will grow to be....make your own family....full of friends and fun and caring for one another. You can't choose who or where you come from. But you can choose who you spend your life with now. Don't grow bitter and full of anger and pain. It's not worth it. Trust me I know.....Stay safe, Stay strong, be happy.

Answer 7

I don't think the issues lie with you. You did what you had to do to do good for yourself. I Am Proud Of You! My Husband's mom has been the same way. She married a man that didn't get along with my husband. They kicked him out of the house! She was never a good mom anyway. Your mother is the one with issues. Maybe she is listening to her husband, because she's afraid she won't have that someone with her, you're off doing your own thing now. I just can't understand how a mother could do such things to their own child, but you hang in there, be yourself and succeed like you are now, pray for her and she'll come around. Please don't think it's you, because it isn't! God Bless!

Answer 8

Dear lady,

Your mom loves you. She really does. She is just tired. You will feel the same when you become a mummy.

Besides, her new man has stepped in the way and he is controlling the situation. I think it is very difficult for her to be nice to you in his presence.

Find an opportunity to pay her a visit. Perhaps make an arrangement with your siblings to pay her a visit at a right time. Show her that for all that she had done, you still care for her.

Only then, can both of you make up.

NAH! She doesn't hate you. She is under pressure.

Answer 9

Wow, that is deep. I don't want to pull the "spiritual card" but definitely pray. I would maybe attempt to call her and inquire to figure out what is wrong. I believe the something must have transpired that maybe you are not aware of that has en-angered her. However that does not excuse the fact that she has went 4 1/2 without communicating with you. I would like to think that she loves you but she is very hurt behind something. I would call her with an open heart, open ear, and a forgiving spirit, no expectations and no regrets. Please pray first and ask GOD to guide you don't take too much advice (advice can be confusing you) you need a moment of clarity right now.

Good luck, GOD bless.

Answer 10

u seem to grow up alright. But based on the information above, its really hard to say. No one could understand the situation without actually being in your position. U should talk to her. Have a long talk over a margarita someday. Clarify your doubts and her issues before making assumptions. You may be wrong.