I really need to know what to say to him. He's had a really troubled life and i'm really the only friend he's got but sometimes it feels like he's pushing me away even though he don't realize it. Thing is he's so ashamed of himself and his life, he never lets me round his place cos he's ashamed of where he lives. He hates not having anything, says his life is just s**t. I just don't know what to say to him anymore. I've only known him for 8 months but i have really fallen for him. I don't know if he will ever accept that cos he just thinks everyone dosn't like him let alone someone actually loving him. He's been rejected and unloved all his life so he isn't gonna allow it now. I also think he feels something for me but he just keeps like putting a barrier up between us as though to stop anything happening. I have tried talking to him, telling him that he will be ok and his life will get better and i want to know him for himself not what he's got etc. What can i do and say?
2007-02-13 00:50:40 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think it may be depression he's going through, i mean sometimes he can be so happy and lovely and he's always helping me out etc but then theres days when he just feels so low and i just really don't know what to say to him.
2007-02-13 00:55:21 · update #1
You just have to be their for him, and encourage him that life is much more then being depressed. Give him hope and love. because his life is very precious. I hope everything goes well, God bless.
2007-02-13 00:54:42 · answer #1 · answered by muslimah4life91 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has built a wall up for his own protection against hurt and humiliation. I'm glad he has you in his life, believe me, you can make a difference. Continue being supportive, and reinforce his positive attributes as much as you can. Tell him that there is good in life, but you have to be willing to see it. He will eventually see that "something good in life" in you, and gradually his wall will start to come down. It takes patience and understanding, and you sound like you have both.
Don't just tell him it will be okay, and smooth it over. Reinforce that you understand why he is feeling the way he is, but that just because he's had a rough life, doesn't mean he has to continue having one. If he'd just trust someone (you) just a little bit...that he would feel that there is something good in life. Let him know that everyone deserves to loved and respected, and even though he hasn't been, doesn't mean that it can't happen. It will take some time, because these kinds of walls that are built up are pretty strong, it will just take time to break down. He may feel like you are too good to be true, that nothing good happens to him, (or something will ruin it anyway) so he is subconsciencely sabatoging the relationship...this is part of the walls protection mechanism. If you want to you could even try writing down everything or even printing your question and the answers from here out and giving them to him.
If I didn't know better, I would have thought someone was writing about my guy 7 years ago. We don't have the "walls" anymore with each other, but he sometimes still has it up with others. My best wishes for you and your friend...
2007-02-13 09:13:51 · answer #2 · answered by sassy_395 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it certainly does sound like some form of serious depression, I went through the same sort of thing and it got to the point of blocking everyone out especially the ones you really care about, its no use telling him that you understands how he feels cos no body will but maybe try to suggest canceling to him that’s what is helping me now and I got a diagnosis for my problems which was bipolar and a few others and it helped me understand that I had a reason to feel the way that I was feeling, it really is a hard issue especially because he is a male and they usually don’t want to get help or don’t want to look out of control but if you really care for him and are willing to give him the support that he needs which isn’t easy (as my partner says) then let him talk to you and don’t judge what he has to say as it might make him push you away further. There are some good websites one of them is beyond blue which should hopefully have some good information for you to help get you started and understand it better, I really wish you all the best of luck and hope all ends up well, it’s a good thing you are doing sticking by him and trying to help, you are a good person…..
2007-02-13 11:11:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try talking to him about the future. If his life has been so bad and doesn't think that he has much of a future, tell him to check out the Coast Guard. The Coast Guard will help him with his future and his self esteem. It really is a great way of life, you get to live in small beach towns, and your fellow Coasties become your family. When you graduate High School, you may want to check it out yourself, its an exciting way of life. Not all Coasties go to sea, some are dispatchers for Search and Rescue missions, some become helicopter pilots, some are Medic's. Check it out, theres alot of exciting things coming both of your ways. Good Luck
2007-02-13 09:07:16 · answer #4 · answered by Cheryl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, if you are attracted to him...you should make the first move. He can get a taste of affection and he will like it because inside it is something he really yearns for. You can be his saviour and give him something to be happy about. Go for it, what's the worst that can happen to him...at least something in his life will be something other than just sh**t. If he rejects it, his life will be the same as before..but at least he would know that someone did care.
2007-02-13 08:59:23 · answer #5 · answered by gnomus12 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
try not talking about all the details of his life all the time and just talk about macaroni and cheese and stuff.
2007-02-13 08:56:16 · answer #6 · answered by nodumgys 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋