What do you do when a kid acts like this?

Question

You have a 6 year old boy. You tell him "no video games until you take out the garbage, finish your workbook lessons, and feed the dogs". The two jobs mentioned are his only chores at this time. However, lil' smarty pants decides he will ignore your first, second and third calm requests to do the things you request and proceeds to huff and puff and hook up a video game system and prepare to play.

Ok. Now at this point when I was a youngster (yeah back in the day) I would have gotten smacked into the stratosphere if I did not obey after the second chance. But times have changed, and although I am definitely not an AP/gentle discipline type, I'm not a complete drill sergeant either. Although, I probably lean more towards the drill sergeant because I am firm and have little tolerance for back talk and ignoring from a child.

Anyway, what should I do? This has been going on for a few weeks now and I haven't spanked him yet, but I have threatened it, and seen no improvement.

Cassandra. I assume you are just fishing for attention and a reaction from a total stranger who just asked a question. So what does that make you? Didn't your parents raise you with more class and poise that that? Or are you a crack baby?

YES. My son spent time in evil, evil day care while I was in the Army. He spent time with his grandmother while I committed myself to my duties overseas in various places. So what?? It takes a village to raise a child, so tell me, what does it take to raise a judgemenal idiot ma'am? You seem to know a a lot about that.

Thank you SO much for gracing me with your presence and that thought provoking answer. You may go back to making granola, breastfeeding your 10 year old, and sprouting wheatgrass now.

Lily...Thank you for your respectful advice. I won't slack off on my son because he is capable and for his abilities, I am not asking much of him, trust me. He can handle more, but my intent is not to "treat him as if he is in the military", but to instill a sense of responsibility in him and teach him the foundation of a good work ethic (work before play...and no procrastination).

I can't see babying him at this point. He's not a baby, he's a young boy. One day he will become a man. I personally think people these days are too soft on their young boys and they baby them and turn them into punks.

Answer 1

WOW, undue his pants, plop him over your lap, and spank his bare little tush red. Yes, I am serious. This is what would happen to my daughters if they directly defied us, and went ahead doing what they wanted rather then what we directed. Also, that game system would be gone for at least 1 week.

I totally agree with you on what would have happened to us if we tried that. I to would have been knocked into a different time zone, lol.

I guarantee if your follow what I said, he will change his tune.
It just takes some back bone to keep these little ones in check.

Good Luck

Answer 2

First of all I don't really think these are appropriate chores for a 6 year old. Taking out the garbage??? Does he make sure it is secure, the lid on and wash his hand after? Workbook lessons? What 6 year old has "homework" at this stage learning is through educational play. Feeding the dog?? How about just making sure they have fresh water (only if they are his dogs and because he loves them)
That said, let me say any chore has to be introduced to the child properly. Why they have the chore, and what the timetable for doing it is. Only when they are old enough to recognize the proper time to do the chore is it age appropriate. (example: when getting dressed in the morning you fold your pj's and put them under your pilow before you leave the room)

I would never call some thing a "chore" to a child. It is more of a responsibility. You wanted two dogs, with that comes responsibility there fore it is your job to make sure they are fed at 4:00, then show him how to measure the food and feed the dog.

Just as all things there are appropriate times and limits to everything. If it is light outside and the weather is nice my kids do not play video games, they take advantage of the weather.

Discipline in the military is necessary, raising a child involves guidance and teaching not demanding and making threatening. ( The dogs have not been fed and the garbage taken out in two weeks?)

Answer 3

Well I have an 8 year old step son who is obsessed with video games and his dad lets him get away with everything. Unlike you hes not my child so disciplining him is a little harder. I don't allow video games in my home anymore just because that's all he wants to do and he does no chores and fights with my children if they get in front of him and so on. If I were you I would threaten to take the video game away and then the TV. That would probably have the best effect. I have been watching Super Nanny lately because my 3 year old son is a very angry child and I just don't know what to do with him. That show has helped me see what im doing wrong and it may help you too in some ways. Although some of the things done on there just don't work for me. hope i helped a little. i understand how it feels believe me.

Answer 4

Oh it is so nice to see Cassandra get a firm talking to because she is forever being a judgemental bag. Anyways the only thing I can suggest is teaching your son to respect you and your wishes. I understand you dont want to be to hard on him because of mabye the past history there but you need to teach him to respect you. He feels that he can get away with this type of stuff mabye from staying with his grandma and her different parenting style but it needs to stop now. You take away his video game until he can learn to take do his chores when asked. That is what I would do. I would let my daughter if she did this hate me for a week if it meant that she learned that responsibilities are more important then video games. I would seriously take her toy away for a week until she could do her chores for a week without error. Then when she proved to me she could do that I would give her her video game back and I can guarantee that when she got it back she wouldnt pull that again or she would know that it would be taken away again.

I think alot of people have trouble diciplining their children because they are afraid there kids will be mad at them..but its in the childs best interest to be taught dicipline and have this defiance nipped at an early stage otherwise when they get older you will lose complete control of them and they will think its okay to walk all over you because they have been doing it since they were little.

Answer 5

First of all, I don't think you should threaten ANYTHING unless you will back it up. All he's learning is how far he can take an issue until you finally give in or do something about it.

I had a similar scenario with my step daughter. When she ignored me I completely unhooked the machine and locked it up. I told her that if she still did not do her chores I'm break it into bits. That worked, but I can tell you that YES, I would have smashed the thing. A bratty kid doesn't deserve it. Not saying yours is necessarily, just saying I threaten only what I will follow up on.

Oy... good luck.

Answer 6

Hi - I can see from reading your question that you are reluctant to smack your son, in which case you would probably feel guilty if you did, but it sounds like you are getting to the end of your patience with him, which is why you've asked for help.

I agree with the majority of people saying take the toy/controllers or leads away. Put them away when he goes to bed each night and get them out only when the chores are done.

But in order to get him to do the chores in the first place heres my suggestions:-

Lead by example and do chores together. Make sure he realises that you are also prepared to do chores at the same time (ie say to him if you feed the dogs and take out the trash I will wash up and put the washing on, then we can do xxxxx together)

In our house, we all do chores at the same time, then when theyre done we either do something together or each then does whatever it is they want to do that day. Everyone can identify with how a woman feels when she is doing all the work whilst a partner sits watching tv! Its the same for kids, mine feel most put out if one is not pitching when I say its time to tidy up. But a 6yo needs to have this pointed out as they are so used to you doing things they dont even realise you are working with them not just ordering them to do stuff.

A very important thing to a 6 year old is PRAISE, he will love to feel helpful and verbal rewards go a long way at this age, make sure you really go over the top when he does do something. Say how clever he is and how wonderful it is to have help, it might seem as if the most important thing to him is his game machine, but as many of us know a childs favourite pastime is time spent with you, you might not think so, but if you do something nice together, then ask if he enjoyed that, and he says yes, you can then say if you do your chores, it will give me time to do that with you again.

Write a list of all the chores with yours on one side and his on the other so he can see how much you have to do and why you need his help. (ie you can then say see how much mummy has to do, so I really need your help with just a few things so I can spend more time with you).

Again you must follow through with any promises made, the sticker chart is a good idea as you can give an instant reward with the praise and if you are short of time, you can do something with him for every 10 stickers earned, from the easy things like watching him play on the games machine, or find a game you both like to play on it with him.

You could make a chart together and let him draw the pictures of the rewards for example:-

10 stickers = Watch a tv programme together (he draws a tv)
20 stickers = You read him a story (he draws a book)
30 stickers = You do a jigsaw together (he draws a jigsaw piece)
40 stickers = You make cakes together (he draws a cake)

2 jobs a day x 5 days a week he can earn 1 reward every week.

Lastly remember to ask rather than demand, even adults are much happier doing a favour for a friend if asked oh so nicely, rather than when something is just expected of us and there are no pleases thank yous or well done thats a real help or a lovely job you've made of that.

Hope thats all useful

Best Wishes

Answer 7

Wow some people on here just think they know it all..very rude. Anyways my oldest son was a DAY CARE BABY and he is a great little boy. No he's not perfect but know one is. I got him to do chores all around the house then I would say he could do something fun. That did not work out at all so I tried plan B, I made a money for chores chart ans a schedule. On the chores chart it said .25 cents if he did the dishes, .50 if he vacuumed etc. On the schedule I wrote all of the activities and chores that he should do in order...like
Eat breakfast...x
Get dressed...x
Chore...x
at the end of the week he had a certain amount of X's that he had to get in order to do something or get something fun for the weekend.
By doing this it gives him a responsibility to keep up with his chores and to x his list off by himself. The only one that suffers is him...No chores=No money No X's=No fun activity for the weekend...somewhere in all this you can put his game console in there as a threat if he doesn't do as he's asked. This worked great for my son...Now he does his chores without me asking him, he looks at his schedule and that's his reminder. No fits,No crying and he's happier doing it knowing that he has a chance to make money....this is just from my experience and it was such a success...you should try it out. let me know what happened...good luck

Answer 8

i have the same problem with my 4 and a half year old son , he wants to watch tv all the time and play on the computer, his behaviour is really bad and has no respect for me at all. I started last week a reward chart with himeach day he has a list of things he must do in which his chart gets a sticker these must be completed before he can play on comp. it is a good idea to get them to say what chores they r willing to do, my little boy suprised me by saying he wud hoover his bedroom, and has stuck by his word each day. also at the end of the week u shud of had for example 10 stickers .... reward a friend for dinner
20 stickers..... a new toy

my boys behaviour and respect has improved greatly hope this works for you

Answer 9

I would put the video game system in a locked cupboard when he is at school, and i wouldn't let him have it for 2 weeks and he would need to do his chores in that 2 weeks, and also when he gets it back again. Good Luck

Answer 10

I saw on Nanny nine one one where every time he didn't do a chore take something special away from him like a toy a DVD a fave game and if he leaves stuff laying about hide it for a few days..he will soon learn responsibility...